Thursday, November 20, 2008

Dressing Room Can-Can Episode 3 in the Bob Chronicles

It's Thursday and time for another installment of the Trooper Bob chronicles. So without further ado- I give you the Adventures of Trooper Bob
(for previous installments go here:

First let me tell you a little something about my mother to get to a story about my daddy. My mother was never wrong. You see even when she was wrong she was right and you did not contradict her that just made you that much more wrong. Also things had to be her way, always. It was just easier not to argue or fuss. It was easier just to do what she wanted when she wanted it done then she would leave you alone to do what you wanted to do.

My mother made plans for her and my daddy to go out somewhere. I don’t remember if it was to a wedding or a bar mitzvah, oh wait we didn’t even know what that was. I think it may have been a party but who knows it was an event and they had to get dressed up. Dressed up in my family was not wearing overall’s, jeans, cut off shorts or polyester pant suits including but not inclusive of leisure suits. She insisted that nothing in his closet was suitable for such an auspicious occasion as the “event”. She made my daddy against his will go shopping with her. They went to the only department store in my home town that was affordable to us, C.R. Anthony’s. I am sure there are some of you out there who not being from my neck of the mesquites doesn’t know what that is so let’s just say it wasn’t as classy as Wal-Mart.

My daddy had just gotten off his shift and was still dressed in full trooper uniform. He had his trooper hat, his trooper grey uniform with the red and blue stripe down the leg and his trooper Sam Brown Belt on complete with his trooper pistol and ammunition, and he even had on his trooper black Tony Lama Cowboy boots on. Now for those of you who have never put on any of this garb his total uniform weighed about forty pounds and was a pain to put on and take off at least that’s what daddy said. So there he was in Anthony’s dee-part-mint store shopping with my mother in her white nurse’s uniform and her bee-hive hair-do for dressed up clothes. My mother picked out some trousers for my daddy and told him “Bob, you go in there and try these pants on.” Now my daddy was really good at pissing my momma off by not doing what she wants but he wanted to go home so he did what she said.

He grabbed the pants and stomped off to the dressing room grumbling something about damn event and damn dress up clothes. The dressing room was just a cubicle with a curtain on the side of the men’s department. It was not down a hallway. It was not in a separate little alcove or niche. It was right there in the main aisle way of the store. He got in the dressing room and hung his hat on the peg, unstrapped his Sam Brown and started to take off his boots. Then in typical man fashion he thought this is bullshit! I’m not taking my boots off! Since this was the beginning of the bell bottom era the pants legs looked more than large enough to put on over his boots. What he didn’t think about was the pants he had on weren’t exactly large enough to get over his boots. He dropped his trousers and started to step out of them but he lost his balance. Then in a whirl of curtain and a couple of hops he was standing in the middle of C.R. Anthony’s with his pants around his ankles doing the Dressing Room Can-Can in his boxer shorts. Just about the time he danced out of the dressing room a woman was walking towards him. He landed ass on the ground Tony Lama’s in the air with a thud. The woman stopped and sucked all the air out of the room then huffily declared “Well, I NEVER!” My daddy not missing a beat looked up at her and said “Lady, Maybe you should! You’ll never forget it.” Then stood up and shuffled pants around his ankles back in the dressing room as my mother and the sales clerk laughed themselves silly in the corner.


Girly Stuff said...

Are we sisters?

'Cause I'm sure we had the same mom!

I like your trooper stories.

Did you ever shop at a TG&Y?

Mrs4444 said...

Seems to me you could write a book with all of your funny memories; very entertaining :)