There are a million stories in the city.
"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."
The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 7-28-09
A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Julius Macker (comments by Gladys)
I am going to stray a bit from the norm. Ha! Like I have a norm. Anyway Donna sent me this from the Dutch Harbor Alaska Ear. Yes that is the same Dutch Harbor from which our brave seamen of the Deadliest Catch hail.
Gladys, here's another one from Dutch Harbor, AK.
IMPERFECT CRIME . . . Here's an excerpt from Ear's favorite police blotter, documenting life in Unalaska/Dutch Harbor:
"07/18/09--Sat--0207--Trespass -- An agitated, drunken patron who had groped a cocktail waitress was asked to leave the bar but did not wish to do so. (M.M.), 24 yoa, of Washington, was arrested for Criminal Trespass II after he cursed at an officer and refused to leave the area. (MM) was uncooperative at the jail and, among other things, attempted to drown himself, twice, by placing his head in a toilet in his cell but was unsuccessful due to the fact that he had to keep coming up for air."
So which one of the ships captains do you think this was? Oh and I guess you know my dirty little secret, I am addicted to that damn show.
The boys or the creature? Was it Bigfoot? The creature not the boys.
Maybe Grandma just misses her Sweet Little Snookem-ookems.
2:12 p.m. On Harmony Drive, a male took his ex-girlfriend’s vehicle without her knowledge and proceeded to wreck it.
Well I guess that showed her. I'm telling you if you want to have a good relationship don't move to Harmony Drive.
My guess the bear found the stash of mushrooms. Gosh I hope someone told him not to take the red acid, man.
Isn’t that what they are supposed to do?
Maybe he just need TP for his bunghole. (ok if you are over 18 surely you remember Beavis and Butthead)
6:19 p.m. Several individuals stopped at a Whitefish residence and asked to use the homeowner’s phone. The homeowner became suspicious when he noticed them looking curiously about the house, and called authorities when a cell phone rang in a purse held by one of the visitors.
8:34 p.m. Someone on Scenic Ridge Road called to report that they had contained a skunk in a skunk trap. Fish and Game arrived and relocated the skunk.
Yes but what about the lovely bunch of coconuts?
Klinger is that YOU?
Sing it with me "I had a little drink about an hour ago and it went right to my head. Ooh show me the way to go home...."
It was Johnny Cash again.
Well you know what they say...the squeaky thief gets the wheel. No wait that’s not how that goes.
Ok, now our crackhead neighbors did this one time and it blew him right off the pole. It was a shocking experience.
Sorry, I was just trying to make toast again.
When I was a kid you just passed nasty notes about each other.
This made the BLOTTER? Really?
Reunited and it feels so good. Reunited and it’s understood...