Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Just the Facts 2-9-2010

There are a million stories in the city.


"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")

The Flathead Beacon:

Police Blotter for the week ending 2-9-2010

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Heather Jurvis (comments by Gladys)

Tuesday 1/26/2010

4:21 p.m. A resident of Happy Valley allegedly attempted to slide her vehicle into a neighbor’s car. The issue is apparently part of a neighborhood feud.
Once again things aren’t too happy in Happy Valley.
9:02 p.m. After an ex-flame attempted to retrieve some of his belongings from her home, a woman on Meadow Court chased a man with a hatchet and struck him in the face with her hand.
She was just trying to bury the hatchet…in his head.

Monday 2/1/2010

12:44 a.m. A local woman apparently does not like to receive phone calls from her ex-boyfriend.
He might want to check and make sure she doesn’t have a hatchet.
10:25 a.m. On Highway 2 West, someone evidently ripped down several no-trespassing signs and puked on the reporting party’s property.
I’ll show you NO TRESPASSING! I’ll puke on your lawn! How do you like THAT TRESPASSING?

Tuesday 2/2/2010

10:33 a.m. Graffiti appeared on the side of an Evergreen school.

It was the invisible Graffitist! They are all over L.A. I just want to know how they crawl up on the road signs hanging over the 405 freeway that has a bazillion cars rushing underneath to paint some strange hieroglyphic message about this being the Rabid Dog Gang Territory.

6:16 p.m. A possible intoxicated driver turned out to be a very elderly driver.
It was Clara wasn’t it?
Click here if you don't remember Clara

Wednesday 2/3/2010
5:08 a.m. Someone evidently smashed the drive-through window at an Evergreen fast food eatery in the night.
Maybe they were desperate for a Big Mac.
10:15 a.m. A concerned citizen called to report that a dog was lying on the ground and foaming at the mouth near Sweetgrass Lane. This behavior is in fact quite normal for a Saint Bernard.
Here Cujo, come boy.

1:37 p.m. A resident of Tamarack Ridge noticed that a vehicle was backed up to an absent neighbor’s garage. The suspicious vehicle turned out to be from a cleaning crew running a vacuum in the home.
I wish someone would break into my house and clean it.

4:13 p.m. A motorist called to report that a police vehicle did not use their turn signal in Evergreen.
That is someone inviting Bad Karma into their life.

Thursday 2/4/2010
9:16 p.m. A man at the Whitefish Amtrak station was allegedly threatening other passengers with his cane. The complaint was eventually cancelled, and train officials handled the conflict.
At least he didn't have a hatchet

11:58 p.m. Someone apparently walked into a Bigfork bar and said that a man was walking around outside with a sawed-off shotgun. Authorities located no such individual.
He got the joke wrong. It’s supposed to be a man walked into a bar with a duck on his head.
1:08 a.m. Authorities helped sort out a complex domestic dispute involving a man, his ex-wife and his current girlfriend. According to the ex-wife, the girlfriend shot the man in the foot. Although he had not in fact been shot in the foot, he was treated for what appeared to be a gunshot wound on his shoulder. The girlfriend was taken to the hospital for pain related to an alleged strangling.

Ain’t love grand? Nothing says Valentines Day like a shooting and a strangling.

Joe Friday Quote of the Week

Friday: Are you sure Mary Jenkins was alive when you left that apartment?

Wesson: I swear it, Sergeant! I stopped and looked; she was on the floor - she was trying to get loose. Clete really tied her up tight - she couldn't get away - poor girl - I really felt sorry for her.

Friday: Did Martin tell you he killed her?


babbler said...

Gladys, I get such pleasure from your blog! Todays entry is especially fun, it reminds me of watching Dragnet when I took a sick day at school. The smell of a can of spaghetti'os wafting in from the kitchen.....ahhh, life was grand (theft auto)!
Love from your favorite mollusks,
Mrs. Slug and all of us here at Slug's Rest!

Jaime said...

these are great, as always.

if you were chasing a man around with a hatchet, would you really slap him across the face with your HAND when you caught him?