Saturday, May 28, 2011

I AM And So Are You

Kahuna had been after me for weeks. “Oh come on, you know you want to. I promise you’ll like it” he would cajole. I would shrug and reply “maybe.”

He persisted day after day, week after week until I finally gave in. I stripped off my yoga pants and stood in there in my nothingness looking at him with the disgusted look of a woman who was being made to remove her favorite sweats, kick off her favorite slippers and put on real clothes to go out into public.

I donned my “mom” jeans and slipped on a sweater and fluffed my hair. Kahuna grabbed my hand and drug me to the car. We were off in a run to L.A. We drove up the freeway talking about our destination. What did it mean, what was it about?

We arrived at the theater, paid our matinee senior citizen discounted fare and stumbled through the dim theater to a couple of seats in the middle, not too close where our necks would break but close enough we could see without straining.

The film Kahuna had been itching to see was “I Am” by Tom Shaydac. Don’t know who he is? Ever heard of the movie “Ace Ventura” or “Liar, Liar”? How about “Evan Almighty” or “The Nutty Professor”? Yeah, that guy, but not that kind of movie. Just so you know, if you don’t know who he is don’t feel bad neither did Bishop Desmond Tutu.

Mr. Shaydac had an accident which resulted in a concussion that caused him chronic and intense pain. It was through his feeling of helplessness and hopelessness that he found a new passion. He had a moment of clarity. He grabbed a 4 man crew and set out on a mission to research and document this epiphany. He meets and interviews a variety of remarkable people including scientist, philosophers academics, and men of faith such as David Suzuki, Noam Chomsky, Howard Zinn, Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Lynne McTaggart, Ray Anderson, John Francis, Coleman Barks, and Marc Ian Barasch. Shaydac asks these great thinkers the question what is wrong with this world and what can we do about it.

The result is a life-affirming film that challenges our preconceptions about science, religion, spirituality and the irrepressible human spirit. It reminds us that what we do not only effects us but everyone. It tells us that we are truly not alone.

I am so glad that I shucked off my yoga togs and donned my city clothes. I highly recommend this film for anyone who asks themselves the hard questions. “When you ask what is wrong with this world, the answer is I AM”.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Gladys McGuillicutty and the FBI

I got this in my email today and I am so thankful to know the Federal Bureau of Investigation is on the job!

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc
Customers Service Hours / Monday To Saturday
Office Hours Monday To Saturday:

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $850,000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund, which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed you, and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card.

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $3,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the MasterCard Logo on it and the card has to be renewed in 3 years time which is 2014. Also, with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.

Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days. Your payment would be sent to you via any of your preferred option and would be mailed to you via UPS. Because we have signed a contract with UPS which should expire by MAY 14 2011. You will only need to pay $155 instead of $540 saving you $385 So if you pay before MAY 14 2011, you save $385.

Note You are advised to stop all communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any. We guarantee the successful delivery within 24hrs after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.

Below are few list of tracking numbers you can track from UPS website to confirm people like you who have received their payment successfully.

R. BLALOCK 1ZA 3274 W034 013 5717

A. FONTANEZ 1Z 57V 268 03 4707 4975

T. ANDERS 1Z 57V 268 03 4865 0322

To effect the release of your fund valued at $850,000.00 you are advised to contact our correspondent in Africa the delivery officer Mr. Danny Brown with the information below,
Name of Agent: Danny Brown

Payment should be made by westernunion using the following info:

Receiver: Danny Brown
Location: Lagos-Nigeria
Text Question: Color
Text Answer: Brown

You are adviced to contact him with the informations as stated below:

Your full Name..

Your Address:...

Home/Cell Phone:...

Preferred Payment Method ( ATM / Cashier Check )

Upon receipt of payment the delivery officer will ensure that your package is sent within 24 working hours. Because we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% money back guarantee if you do not receive payment/package within the next 24hrs after you have made the payment for shipping.

Yours sincerely,

Miss Donna Story


Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are hereby advice only to be in contact with Mr. Danny Brown of the ATM CARD CENTRE who is the rightful person to deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation

Don’t you love the safety disclaimer at the end?

I am so excited that the FBI is finally taking care of those Nigerian Prince scammers and that Agent Donna Story has quite a story. I have been sending them money for years and never receive anything in return. I also have not seen the my inheritance from Jacabson Brown Esq. nor has the Bank of China.   Here I have been funding my funds by sending them funds to fund the funding of the funds.

Sorry I can’t tally, I must hurry down to Western Union and send the FBI my money for my ATM card.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Sleeping Beauty

It has been awhile since I’ve joined in the Theme Thursday blog fair. I saw this and of course it brought back a story. I thought I’d share this one with you about Sleep.

Gladys woke with a start and rubbed her eyes. “Was I asleep” she asked Kahuna. He nodded and rearranged his arm shaking it a bit when he did.

How could she have let this happen? She hadn’t felt well but had agreed to see him anyway. She had rushed home showered and primped. She dressed in her cutest top and fluffed her hair. She gargled with warm salt water trying to stave off the sore throat then drank a double espresso to keep her exhaustion at bay. She had worked close to 60 hours that week not to mention had crammed in a 2300 mile round trip for a court hearing. But he was such a nice man and had been such a gentleman on their first date several weeks back.

Gladys had been single for quite some time and her last endeavor into a relationship had ended catastrophically to say the least. Her daddy had told her that her picker was broke and boy was he right. Every man she had chosen had been a really bad choice. They were either lazy, a cheat, mean, or just downright dastardly or all of the above. Kahuna seemed different.

He actually seemed to be the answer to a prayer if you didn’t count the fact that he was a movie talker. He was attentive without being clingy; he was kind and sweet without being weak, he was available and best of all he had a great sense of humor. So she made an exception to her newest rule of not dating.

They sat close together watching the movie, his arm around her shoulder. Gladys watched as the plot unfolded and her eyes got heavy. She watched as Leonardo DiCaprio flew the Spruce Goose.

She tried to watch but something happened and her eyes closed. The next thing she knew it was the ending credits and she had been out cold for almost 3 hours. She had fallen asleep and had laid her head in her date’s lap at the local movie theater. She was mortified. If that wasn’t bad enough she had drooled. She had drooled all over this nice man’s pants. Oh she had not just exuded a little spittle. Oh no, she had emitted enough saliva to over flow the banks of the Mississippi. She wanted to die. She prayed that the roof would open up and that GAWD would smite her right there in the local Edward’s Cinema.

Kahuna shook his arm again and dabbed at his soaked dungarees with a napkin “do you feel better now?”

“I am so sorry I fell asleep on you. I didn’t mean to. I mean I know you know I didn’t mean to. What I meant was I wouldn’t have accepted the date had I known I was that exhausted.” Gladys wiped the spittle from her cheek and chin and tried to put her now disheveled hair back into some semblance of order.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you had a good sleep.”

Gladys reached in her purse and pulled out her wallet “Please let me pay you for my ticket. I mean how rude of me to allow you to pay for my ticket and then, well, you know.”

Kahuna held up his and “Nope it was well worth the money. I mean I can’t tell you the last time I spent three hours watching a movie with a woman asleep on my lap.”

Gladys was awfully embarrassed by the whole scenario and headed toward the exit. “Thank you so much for asking me out. I really do appreciate, um, well you know, your not being upset.”

Kahuna smiled “how could I be upset with someone who made them turn the volume up because she snored so loud?”

That was it Gladys searched her purse for a knife, a letter opener, anything so that she could slit her wrist right then and there.