Friday, October 30, 2009

Gladys Has Frighteningly Random Thoughts

Not only is it Friday again and time for Mrs. 4444 to present her Friday Fragments but it’s also Halloween. Go on go over read her fragments, link yours and have a big old fragmented party. Then go on over to Ann Again and Again for your weekly Virtual Girls Night Out. Have a drink, even if it’s just water, read some stories and partake in her game. Also link your Friday to her Friday. *********************************************

I used to live in a haunted house. It was haunted by the previous owners. Go here and read this: The Haunted Money Pit. One time when I was home alone with my three little terriers I heard someone upstairs. The dogs all started barking and running around in circles. When I went upstairs to check it out I found a yellowed envelope on my wash stand. I stuck it in a drawer and did not think about it again. Last year I was going through some boxes that had been sealed since I moved out of that house five years ago. I opened the envelope and inside of it was my picture with a yellowed and brittle piece of paper which only said one thing “safe”. I wonder what that meant?  Do you think he was playing baseball in my bedroom and had a close call?


Where I live we don’t’ get trick or treaters. So will someone please tell me why I have this uncontrollable urge to buy the 47 pound bag of mixed candy at Costco?


We had one heck of a wind storm here this week. Trash cans were blown down streets, palm trees laid on their sides. Can someone tell me who left the bathroom window open and caused a sand dune of epic proportions to form in my bathtub?


Have you ever noticed that shopping carts seem to travel in gangs? Hey have you ever noticed Wal*Mart has blue carts and Target has red? Hum….


My overheard this week came at the pharmacy. There was a man standing in line who had an eye patch. Behind him was an older woman.

Older woman to Mr. Eye Patch: So are you dressed as a pirate for Halloween?

Mr. Eye Patch: No, but that is a good idea. I have a corneal abrasion. Older Woman screws up her face: How did you get that? Mr. Eye Patch: I was drunk the other night and tried to take out my contacts. Older Woman: And that caused you to scratch your eye?

Mr. Eye Patch: Well, yeah, I forgot I had Lasik and don’t wear contacts anymore.


You know what I hate? Is when my dogs bring something dead up to the house and I can’t distinguish what it is. This morning I swear they were chewing on a part of a human skull that still had its hair on it.
Also and too Otin over at The Wizard of Otin hosts Happy Hour Friday. Go on over check out what makes him happy and link yourself up. Now here is what makes me happy.

Watching Kahuna do his thing

Sitting on the beach taking pictures

Hanging out with this guy

And these two

Well you get the idea!

Now go on and be good to one another and remember thoughts become things, think good ones.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Someone Has Been Sleeping In My Bed Finale

This is the third and final installment of my story Someone's Been Sleeping in My Bed and then the second part is here Part Two.  Now Cher over at The Texas Woman who evidently is the only person reading this story can read it all at once or as they say in the great nation of Texas "wonst".  So without further ado here is the final chapter in Someone's Been Sleeping in my Bed or how a drunk stole my hotel room.
Oh and don't forget to go to the button on my sidebar and vote for the puppies! 

Kahuna and Gladys sat and sipped tea listening for whatever ruckus might occur. There were voices and footsteps. There was yelling and then Clara appeared back on the stairs a little out of breath. She ran to the phone and made another call “Edna, this is Clara over at the Inn. Yeah Barney made it but we are gonna need a little more help. Could you send over Harold? Ok, hun, you too bye.” She smiled a forced smile at us and said “Can I get you some more tea and cookies?” Kahuna looked at Gladys and in that instance they were totally in each other’s minds. Gladys smiled and said “that would be lovely.” She brought a tray with fresh baked cookies and a pot of tea then headed back up the stairs where evidently Barney was having a time getting Delbert out of the room.

The sound of scuffling and then something being drug across the floor resonated through the little sitting room directly under the ruckus. Then the front door flew open and a large older man entered looking around nervously. He spotted the couple and asked “do you know what room Delbert’s in?” Kahuna pointed up at the ceiling and said “the one where all the noise is coming from would be my guess.” The man nodded his thanks and took the stairs two at a time. All of a sudden the noise stopped.

Then there was a slide bump, slide bump across the hall above. The couple looked up the stairs to see Barney and Harold holding Delbert by the arms and pulling the passed out man down the stairs. Clara was behind them wringing her hands and saying “careful, don’t hurt him.” They drug poor Delbert out the front door and into the awaiting squad car. Gladys and Kahuna craned their necks in order to watch the procession escort the sleeping man to his awaiting chariot.

“I’ll have to call someone to come change the sheets and clean up your room” Clara explained to Gladys. “It may take a while because Jean has to come from out off Apple Road and that takes awhile. I would do it myself but she has the extra sheets.” Gladys looked at Kahuna and said “That’s okay. We can share a room.” Kahuna raised his eyebrows and smiled a little smile. Clara looked disapprovingly at the two and said “but it’s a single room. There is only one bed.” Gladys smiled back at Clara and said “does it have a floor?” Kahuna’s smile faded just a bit and Clara responded “I’ll see if I have any extra blankets.” With that she disappeared back into the magical black hole of her office.

Clara escorted the couple up the stairs to their room. She slowly opened the door and flipped on the light “I’m just making sure that this room is empty” she stated as she sat the extra blanket and towel on the bed. “I’m terribly sorry about all of this and of course I’ll make sure we refund the price of the other room” she said as she started toward the door. “We normally don’t have things like this happen. This is a very quiet Inn” she finished as she stood in the doorway. Kahuna closed the door and looked at Gladys then the two fell on the bed in wails of laughter.

The End or and they say in Texas
Wier Dunn Now!

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Vote For My Great Caninenieces

My niece Tooter has to be one of the most creative and inventive people I know.  She will turn red and shuffle her feet and say "Aw Aunt Gladys."   The truth is she didn't know a sewing machine from a frying pan and she put her mind to sewing some costumes for her little doggies for Halloween.

 Now let me first say that these two little doggies are not dogs but are more like children.  They go every where with Tooter.  They have flown all over the nation, ridden boats, trains, planes and automobiles.  They have eaten in some of the finest resturants and stayed in some of the fanciest hotels.

 That being said she entered them in a little Halloween contest and I just think they are too cute not to win.  So go over to the button on the side of this page and click on it.  Vote for #58.  I'm just so danged proud of my little Great Caninenieces and of Tooter.  She rescued both of these little sweeties and I think they found a humdinger of a momma even if she does dress them up in dresses.

Monday, October 26, 2009

People in Brick Houses

Remember Norm Crosby the comedian who would use really big words but would use them wrong? He would say things like he drank decapitated coffee and he spoke from his diagram. Yeah that guy you remember he used to be on the Ed Sullivan show. What do you mean you don’t know who Ed Sullivan is or what I’m talking about? Did you just fall off the turnout truck?

I used to work with a guy who spoke like this and not on porpoise. He would mix his metaphors and confuse his allergies. He was forever keeping us in stitches without meaning to. This was years ago when I worked for a company that did environmental clean-up and honestly some of the employees were a fry short of a load of bricks.

First let me give you an idea of what the company I worked for actually did. They would go into chemical manufacturing plants and clean the holding tanks. One of the side products from dumping a bunch of chemicals into the “sludge” tank was hydrogen cyanide. Yes as in “Bond, here is your cyanide pill. Bite down on it and you will be dead in three seconds”. It was cyanide only it was in the form of a gas instead of a pill. Rod was just a good old boy, no I’m not starting the next segment in The Dukes of Hazard but he could have been Boss Hogg. Rod was not the sharpest tack in the Happy Meal and would often use malaprops unwittingly.

One night Rod was on evening shift decked out in his Nomex fire retardant coveralls with his respirator pushed to the top of his head. Rod had a really bad habit of tasting things. If there was kitty litter sitting in a bag to be used to soak up spills he would reach in and take a taste if there were chemicals sitting out waiting to neutralize other chemicals he would reach in and take a taste. So you see Rod was always getting into things he shouldn’t. This particular night he was unusually subdued. His supervisor was keeping an eye on him wondering why he was being so quiet.

Rod finally lowered himself to sit on a drum of chemicals holding his head. Tom, the supervisor, walked over lifted his respirator and asked “Dude you ahright?” Rod looked up at Tom and said “no sah, I dink I has me one of dose cyanide headaches.” Tom sucked in air and grabbed Rod by the collar. He drug him to the job shack and threw him on the floor. Tom knew that he only had five seconds to administer the amyl nitrate in order to save his co-worker’s life. Tom had listened in the safety meetings. He had paid attention when the instructor spoke of the importance of time in situations such as these. Don’t ask how, don’t take time to wonder why just react and save a life. So he ripped Rod’s clothes off his body and doused him with water he also administered the amyl nitrate all the while Rod was screaming and cussing. Tom out weighed Rod and had adrenaline going for him so he was able to subdue Rod.

Rod screamed and hollered “whatchu doin? Leave me alone! Stop” but Tom was determined to save his friend. Tom sat on Rod and popped open the vile of amyl nitrate and shoved it under Rod’s nose. Tom yelled back “stop squirmin, I’m savin your damn life you idiot!” Rod squirmed some more and said “why you doin this to me? I have a haidache and you just made it worse.” Tom doused Rod again with the water from the Sprinkles Water jug and said “you have been exposed to cyanide gas. You said you had a cyanide headache. I am saving your life dumb-ass.” Rod’s eyes got really big and he said “I git dese haidaches all de time. When de pollen is bad I git dese haidaches bad. I just take me some allegory pills and den its all better.” Tom stopped dumping the 5 gallon jug of water on his co-worker and stood there in disbelief. He had almost killed his co-worker with the cure for cyanide exposure when all he had was a sinus headache.

So I guess the moral of my story is people in brick houses shouldn't throw glasses.  You can lead water to a horse but you can't make him buck. 

I also wanted to take this time to ask you all to think good thoughts of my sister from another mother, Chatty Cathy. I know you think I can talk, well let me tell you Chatty Cathy has me beat all to pieces.

 The only reason though is because when she was a teenager she had her very own red princess phone.  Do you know how bad I wanted my very own princess phone?  I had to use the one in the kitchen.  The one next to the sink where the garbage disposal was located.  The one that everyone in the house had to use.  The one that was stuck on the wall. 

She is having a heart catergarization next Monday. She is much too young to be having a rod stuck down her artilleries. So please think good thoughts for her today. We surely don’t want her to have any concenternations even though she had a red princess phone and I didn't. 

Hey I know about these things, I didn’t just fall off the turnpike truck last night. Now go on and don’t take any woolen nickels.

P.S.  Chatty I'm thinking good thoughts for you during your heart constipation.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

I Would Do Anything, But I Won't Do That

Today I'm going into the archives and bringing forth a little editorial.  I thought I would share this for a Replay Sunday.  Now if you are a Meatloaf fan, the singer not the dish, then you would kind of maybe get my title if you don't well tough.   

I am not a picky eater. As evidenced by the fact I was willing to eat squirrel head soup as long as I didn’t have to suck the heads. I am a pretty adventurous epicurean. I will try just about anything once and will try it again even if I’ve had it before just to make sure I really don’t like it. I will not go hungry from being a finicky eater, unless the only thing left on earth to eat is liver. I will eat shoe leather, tree bark, stink weed, dog pooh well maybe not dog pooh, before I will eat liver.

I remember being a small child living in a house where both my mother and father really LIKED liver and onions. I just can’t understand why, how yuck Liver. Now I’m going to be a big fat hypocrite here and say I will eat chicken liver as long as it’s floured and battered and deep fried. Heck I’ll eat just about anything, shoe leather, tree bark, stink week, dog pooh as long as it’s deep fried. I mean after all I am from the south. I don’t know what it is about calf liver that just oogs me out. I can’t handle the texture, the smell, the taste or even the thought of calf liver.

When I was little I would do anything and everything to avoid eating liver. My mother would make me sit at the table until I had eaten at least three bites of it. There was many a night I fell asleep at the dining table long after everyone had eaten, cleaned up the kitchen and gone on to watch “I Spy” or “Dragnet” or my very favorite “Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom”.

Didn’t you just love it when Marlin Perkins would send poor Jim into the lions den? He would say things like “Oh look that man-eating python has Jim around the neck strangling him to death. Oh Jim be careful don’t hurt the python…” It really was the precursor to the National Geographic and Discovery Channels. Only no “Dirty Jobs” and “Survivor Man”. I wonder if Marlin made Jim eat liver.

Kahuna feels equally if not more disdain for liver than I do. He won’t even eat chicken liver, even if it is floured battered and deep fried. He can’t stand the smell of liver. He was also raised in a home where his mother and father LIKED liver. He was as a fact not allowed to trick-or-treat until he had eaten his liver. I think this is why he has such a dislike for Halloween. I mean what a way to scar a kid for life, make him eat liver BEFORE he can trick or treat. Why not just make him cut his big toe off, or lock him in the closet with big hairy spiders? He used to sneak his liver to his dog Tippy. Tippy and Kahuna were best friends, I mean who but your best friend would eat your liver for you? To this day Kahuna still talks lovingly of Tippy.

I had a friend who hated liver almost as much as I did. When she was little they had a big round pedestal that separated in the center in order to insert an extension to the table. Only my friend would put her liver in the crack of the table and it would fall into the hollow pedestal. She did this for years and for years her mother would complain that she could never get that awful smell out of her kitchen. She would clean and clean, move that table here and there and even had the exterminator come because she was sure something had died in the wall of her kitchen. The whole time my friend knew what the smell was, but kept silent. Yes this is the friend with which you trust your secrets. Finally years later her mother got rid of the stinky table giving it to the local charity. My friend came home for a weekend to find the table gone and asked if her mother had emptied the pedestal of the years of liver she had hidden there. You can imagine what her mother fed her for supper that night.

Honey do you smell somethig funny?  And why won't the dogs leave the
table alone?

I tried to eat liver after I had grown-up. I really did. I found an exotic Spanish recipe for liver and purchased a big slab. I followed the directions and soaked it in buttermilk then browned it and slow cooked it in gravy of tomatoes, onions and peppers. I served it over saffron rice and I tired. I really, really tried to eat it. I cut a small piece made sure it was sufficiently slathered with gravy and onions and I got it in my mouth and tried to chew. Before I could masticate once the taste buds that taste liver kicked in and then the olfactory glands went into action then the gag reflex hit and the next thing I knew that little piece of calf’s filter organ went flying out of my mouth and right onto the wall. I knew from that point on it didn’t matter what you did to it, how you cooked it or how you disguised it my liver buds would know it was liver and my gag reflex would thankfully get rid of it for me.

So now if you will excuse me I am going to go eat a real dinner of Sea Urchin Sushi, raw oysters and I may even have a side of crawfish and suck the guts out of the head.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Gladys Has A Chain of Random Thoughts

It is Friday again and time for Mrs. 4444 to present her Friday Fragments. Go on go over read her fragments, link yours and have a big old fragmented party. Then go on over to Ann Again and Again for your weekly Virtual Girls Night Out. Have a drink, even if it’s just water, read some stories and partake in her game. Also link your Friday to her Friday.


Why does some strange woman keep calling me asking if me I need to renew the warranty on my car? Why is she so concerned?

October is Breast Cancer awareness month. I’m sure you have all noticed all the pink ribbons and the fact that the NFL all have donned pink laces, pink sweat bands and pink shoes. Oddly enough I went to get my mammy’s grammed and there wasn’t one single pink ribbon anywhere in that place. Do you think THEY know it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month?


Why don’t men get hot flashes?


Speaking of men. Kahuna and I were sitting in front of the television slack jawed and drooling watching the 4000 innings of the Angels and Yankees Play-off game the other night. It was the bottom of the 3976 inning when he looked at me and said “why are the players wearing their bike chains around their necks?” I looked and sure enough a good portion of those players had evidently done the right thing for the planet and rode their bicycles to the park.

See look they have their bike chain around their neck. Sad thing is they aren’t too smart because if it’s around their neck chances are they forgot to put it on their bike and it’s done gone.


My overheard this week came at the imaging center. We were sitting in the waiting room when a woman came in and asked the receptionist how long the wait was.

The receptionist smiled and said “about an hour. Did you want to wait?”

The woman smiled and said “could I just leave my boobs here and come back for them later?”

The receptionist said “sure I’ll just put them here in the booby hatch.”

I heart that receptionist.

So that is what a booby hatch looks like.


The weather this week has been pleasant but we are in the beginnings of the Santa Ana winds. Now if you don’t know what I’m talking about listen to what Joan Didion said "it is hard for people who have not lived in Los Angeles to realize how radically the Santa Ana figures in the local imagination....Los Angeles weather is the weather of catastrophe, of apocalypse, and, just as the reliably long and bitter winters of New England determine the way life is lived there, so the violence and the unpredictability of the Santa Ana affect the entire quality of life in Los Angeles, accentuate its impermanence, its unreliability."

For us it means the coyotes come close to the house and cry and scream. I woke the other night from a dream where I was searching for a crying baby. I sat bolt upright in bed only to realize the crying baby was actually the coyotes calling to the Santa Ana’s. Then I yelled back into the black of night “The Dingo took my BAHBEE!”


The Wizard Of Otin is hosting his Happy Hour Friday so go on tell me what makes you happy?

Here are my happy thoughts:

Cooking makes me happy.

Reading a Good book

These Nenamopuppiedoogies


Now go on and be good to one another and remember thoughts become things, think good ones.

This girl has no stress!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Somebody's Still Sleeping in My Bed

Last week I started this story and told you I would post a segment each Wednesday until it was done.  Well it's Wednesday and I'm getting a late start but as I promised here it is.  If you wish to go back and read the beginning it is here:  SOMEBODY'S BEEN SLEEPING IN MY BEDWhen we last left our duo they were in the Inn and then...

Clara opened her guest log and then looked at her key board. She pulled papers out from the desk and went through them. The more she looked the more upset she became. “Sir, I don’t know who is in your room or why but he’s not supposed to be there” she sighed. Then she took the phone and motioned for Kahuna to follow her and they climbed the stairs. They approached the room and Clara turned and said “I’m going to find out who is in there. You wait here.” She knocked once, then again. She put the key in the hole and turned the knob and opened the door. She announced herself “Hotel Management. Hello?” There was no response so she called out again. Then she flipped on the light switch and there in the big old quilt covered iron bed was a snoring man. She opened the door all the way and they could see an empty six pack of beer on the dresser and clothing strewn all over the floor. Clara walked in the room and stood looking at sleeping beauty in the bed. “DAMN-IT DELBERT! WAKE UP!” she screamed then she tried to shake the man awake. The man continued to sleep not missing a snore. She came out of the room and looked at the couple and said “I’m terribly sorry about this. That man is Delbert; he does handyman work around here. I don’t know how he got in to this room. Heck I don’t know how he got into the hotel without me seeing him. I’m gonna call Barney and he’ll come get him out.” She dialed the phone and then spoke to the voice on the other end “Edna, this is Clara. Fine how are you? Really sciatica again? Well I understand that Dan over at Apple Hill has been using one of them Pilates Balls. Yeah says it stretches it out real good. No, honey, I saw him over at the Pie Hole yesterday. Yeah he looks really good considering. I know honey it’s just sad what happened to Old Jake.” She turned to see her tenants standing in the hallway starring at her slack-jawed and a little irritated. “Um, no honey, the reason I’m calling is because I need Barney to come over he and get Delbert out of one of the rooms. Yeah, he got into one of the guest rooms drank a bunch of beer and is passed plum out. I tried to wake him but he didn’t even stir. Yeah, that’s right you send him on over ok? Alrighty, you take care and tell your Momma and them I said hi.” She clicked off the phone and said that someone would be around shortly and invited us to a cup of tea downstairs.

The couple was sitting in the lobby about ten minutes later when there was a whir of a siren and out the window red and blue flashing lights approaching the Inn. The police cruiser screamed around the corner and came to a screeching stop in front of the little hotel. The cruiser doors flew open and out jumped a guy that was about 5 foot 4 and 95 pounds soaking wet. The couple locked eyes and mouthed “Barney”.

Clara was just setting down a plate of lemon squares and refilling our tea when she saw them out the window. She quickly ran to the little mirror on the wall and fluffed her hair and fixed her lipstick. She ran to the door and opened it before the officer could reach for the knob. “Barney” Clara cried “I am so glad you’re here! Delbert is passed out in one of the rooms upstairs. I tried to wake him but he wouldn’t budge.” Barney looked around the lobby and nodded to the couple then he swaggered into the hotel hand on gun and said “I’ll take care of it Clara. Take me to the room.” Clara ran to the stairs with the officer following closely behind and they disappeared.

What will become of our tea sipping duo?  What will happen to Delbert?  Are Barney and Clara going to procure a room for themselves?  Tune in next week and read the further adventures of Little Orphan Annie, oh wait, wrong show.  Tune in next week for the final chapter of Somebody's Sleeping In My Bed.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Just The Facts Ma'am 10-19-09

There are a million stories in the city.
"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."

The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 10-19-09
A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Heather Jurvis (comments by Gladys)

Tuesday 10/13/2009

7:15 a.m. A resident of Martin City reports that a large bear has been wandering in and out of her yard.
Maybe he was looking for a nice pick-a-nick basket.

10:56 a.m. Authorities helped a “man down” in Whitefish return to his feet.
Well they should I mean if they helped him down, the least they can do is help him up.

Float like a butterfly sting like a bee...
12:48 p.m. Although he hasn’t actually seen the creatures, a man on Hoffman Draw suspects that a mama bear and her cub have been frequenting his yard.
Uh-Oh invisible bears. Those are the worst kind.
4:44 p.m. Someone in Coram reports that a mountain lion has been prowling about the area.
For some reason I just keep hearing “lions, tigers and bears…oh my!”

Wednesday 10/14/2009

8:46 a.m. A resident of Shadow Lane complains that her husband forged her signature to sell a vehicle.

What evil lurks in the heart of men? Those on Shadow Lane know….

1:28 p.m. The Montana Highway Patrol handled a number of cows that had wandered onto Highway 2.
Yeehaw…let’s get them dawggies.

3:55 p.m. Reports of a cow in the middle of Trumble Creek Road turned out to be unfounded. The responding officer noted that all cows in the area were securely behind a fence.
Of course they were, the Montana Highway patrol had already been there… they always get their cow.

Thursday 10/15/2009

2:15 p.m. A resident of Kila Road called to report that a deer had died in the area at approximately 7:30 a.m.
I think someone has been watching too much CSI.

2:23 p.m. Someone spotted a loose goat trotting down the north side of Highway 2. It is unknown whether the goat returned home.
Was it in panties? You know a Nannie Goat in Panties?
Friday 10/16/2009

7:03 a.m. A driver slid through a red light on Highway 2 East, nearly colliding with two other vehicles. The driver was not intoxicated but had merely hit a slick spot.
Well he wasn’t intoxicated then but I bet he was afterward.

9:32 a.m. Two nights ago, someone on Badrock Drive saw several people with flashlights in their backyard.
Doesn’t that sound like a bad western? Two Nights in Badrock starring Magnum Flashlight.  Does anyone else remember a video game named Dust?  It started out with this cowboy sitting in the dark and lighting a cigerette.  Do you think everyone who lives there looks like the video game?

10:08 p.m. Someone on Eagle Drive became upset when his mother-in-law kicked him out of the house. He reported her actions as harassment.
Sounds like he doesn’t have much right to be upset. Sounds to me it was her house.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Dear Gladys 10-19-09

Doogie Howser Gone BAD

Let me preface this with I’m not a doctor nor do I play one on TV, but I have been interviewed on TV regarding relationships.

Oh my GOD!  Not only do I have jowels but I have old lady elbows!
I am also not a licensed therapist. I am however very experienced in bad relationships. Go read any of my Is Your Picker Broke stories and you’ll see. Now with that being said several months ago I posted Dear Gladys and told you to send in your questions. Some of you sent me some funny questions, which I loved, and some sent some serious ones. Here are a few of the ones I’ve received and my answers. I double checked with the people who sent me the questions and they have graciously allowed me to post their queries here. Thank you for participating. I will be happy to answer more questions and share more as you ask.

Now Rod Roddy what do we have for these brave people for playing?

Well Gladys we have this gorgeous Is Your Picker Broke
Travel mug and shopping bag.

Dear Gladys,

I read your blog but have never commented. I found your email on your profile and thought I’d give it a shot. You talk about your dad telling you your picker was broke. You said you would offer relationship advice and I guess that what I have is a relationship question. My kid sister is dating a man that nobody in our family likes. He is obnoxious and rude not to mention seems to be a big blow heart. Do we tell her we don’t like her boyfriend? Oh by the way she just got out of a relationship with another bad boyfriend. What do you think?

Dear Jules,
I’m sorry to tell you but it sounds like your sister’s picker is broke too. The problem with us broken picker’s is that we don’t realize our picker is broke until it’s much too late. We go through our lives thinking everyone else has the problem not ourselves. Yes you should tell your sister that your not pleased with her selection but do not alienate her. Instead encourage her to spend more time with you and your family with or without her boyfriend. Try to surround her with love as much as you can. She will eventually see what is best for her. You can not change her perception only she can do that but you can offer her love and support which may be what she is looking for in the first place.

Good Luck
Been There Done that Gladys


Dear Gladys,
I read on your twitter page that you lost 35 pounds and you said you did it without dieting. How is that possible?  Are you selling some kind of diet product or something?
Did you exercise and if so how much?

Dear Barb,
Can I call you Barb? Or is it Barbie? Or Babs? How do nicknames work? I mean why do they call Richard Dick? Oh wait I’m supposed to be answering the questions.

I told everyone I would share if they were interested in how I went from a 30 inch waist (yes family my waist had grown to 30) back down to 25.  I lost 35 pounds in less than six months.  No I am not selling anything or endorsing any product.  I have been skinny my whole life and have eaten everything and anything I wanted. I piled on the potatoes, sucked up the pasta and saturated myself in sweets. I was under a lot of stress and I wasn’t sleeping or exercising. One day I looked in the mirror and realized I had ballooned out.  I had cankles and I felt like double dipped dog poo. 

My doctor took my fat little cheeks in her hands and said “you must do something; you are killing yourself from the insides out.” I had some blood drawn and she determined what vital nutrients my body was lacking. Then she gave me some tips on what minerals and supplements I needed. I went home and continued baking homemade white bread, buttermilk pies, chocolate cakes and cookies, lots and lots of cookies.  Thinking that like before, when I was young it would right itself.

 One day Kahuna went to the doctor and was told his blood pressure was 179/140. Now killing me from the inside out is one thing but subjecting him was another. We agreed it was time to do as Bob Newhart says “STOP IT”. I immediately went back to my nutrition education and said it’s time to rethink what and how I cook and eat.

So I changed the way we looked at food. I changed the way we prepared our food and we have not been hungry or felt as if we were on a diet. We eat good healthy meals that are tasty and I am happy to report my cholesterol is down and so is Kahuna’s blood pressure. The most amazing thing is that we have both dropped 4 pant sizes. Our trousers and skirts fall right off of us, which can be a little embarrassing in Costco.

Yes we exercise, but not as much as you would think. We do yoga several times a week and made simple changes like parking at the far edge of the parking lot and walking the distance. We take the stairs instead of the elevator. We make ourselves get up and move even when we don’t feel like it. Every little bit helps from vacuuming the carpet to mopping the floor, it all counts.

Thin as a rail Gladys

If you would like me to answer your quandry or need advice you can e-mail me at  If I choose your question you too will receive what Carol Merrill is showing behind curtain number two and I won't even make you dress in a silly outfit.

 If you don't know what I'm talking about well ask your grandmother about "Let's Make A Deal".