Dear Gladys 10-19-09

Doogie Howser Gone BAD

Let me preface this with I’m not a doctor nor do I play one on TV, but I have been interviewed on TV regarding relationships.

Oh my GOD!  Not only do I have jowels but I have old lady elbows!

I am also not a licensed therapist. I am however very experienced in bad relationships. Go read any of my Is Your Picker Broke stories and you’ll see. Now with that being said several months ago I posted Dear Gladys and told you to send in your questions. Some of you sent me some funny questions, which I loved, and some sent some serious ones. Here are a few of the ones I’ve received and my answers. I double checked with the people who sent me the questions and they have graciously allowed me to post their queries here. Thank you for participating. I will be happy to answer more questions and share more as you ask.

Now Rod Roddy what do we have for these brave people for playing?

Well Gladys we have this gorgeous Is Your Picker Broke

Travel mug and shopping bag.

Dear Gladys,

I read your blog but have never commented. I found your email on your profile and thought I’d give it a shot. You talk about your dad telling you your picker was broke. You said you would offer relationship advice and I guess that what I have is a relationship question. My kid sister is dating a man that nobody in our family likes. He is obnoxious and rude not to mention seems to be a big blow heart. Do we tell her we don’t like her boyfriend? Oh by the way she just got out of a relationship with another bad boyfriend. What do you think?
Thanks
Jules

Dear Jules,
I’m sorry to tell you but it sounds like your sister’s picker is broke too. The problem with us broken picker’s is that we don’t realize our picker is broke until it’s much too late. We go through our lives thinking everyone else has the problem not ourselves. Yes you should tell your sister that your not pleased with her selection but do not alienate her. Instead encourage her to spend more time with you and your family with or without her boyfriend. Try to surround her with love as much as you can. She will eventually see what is best for her. You can not change her perception only she can do that but you can offer her love and support which may be what she is looking for in the first place.

Good Luck
Been There Done that Gladys


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Dear Gladys,
I read on your twitter page that you lost 35 pounds and you said you did it without dieting. How is that possible?  Are you selling some kind of diet product or something?
Did you exercise and if so how much?
Barbara

Dear Barb,
Can I call you Barb? Or is it Barbie? Or Babs? How do nicknames work? I mean why do they call Richard Dick? Oh wait I’m supposed to be answering the questions.

I told everyone I would share if they were interested in how I went from a 30 inch waist (yes family my waist had grown to 30) back down to 25.  I lost 35 pounds in less than six months.  No I am not selling anything or endorsing any product.  I have been skinny my whole life and have eaten everything and anything I wanted. I piled on the potatoes, sucked up the pasta and saturated myself in sweets. I was under a lot of stress and I wasn’t sleeping or exercising. One day I looked in the mirror and realized I had ballooned out.  I had cankles and I felt like double dipped dog poo. 

My doctor took my fat little cheeks in her hands and said “you must do something; you are killing yourself from the insides out.” I had some blood drawn and she determined what vital nutrients my body was lacking. Then she gave me some tips on what minerals and supplements I needed. I went home and continued baking homemade white bread, buttermilk pies, chocolate cakes and cookies, lots and lots of cookies.  Thinking that like before, when I was young it would right itself.

 One day Kahuna went to the doctor and was told his blood pressure was 179/140. Now killing me from the inside out is one thing but subjecting him was another. We agreed it was time to do as Bob Newhart says “STOP IT”. I immediately went back to my nutrition education and said it’s time to rethink what and how I cook and eat.


So I changed the way we looked at food. I changed the way we prepared our food and we have not been hungry or felt as if we were on a diet. We eat good healthy meals that are tasty and I am happy to report my cholesterol is down and so is Kahuna’s blood pressure. The most amazing thing is that we have both dropped 4 pant sizes. Our trousers and skirts fall right off of us, which can be a little embarrassing in Costco.

Yes we exercise, but not as much as you would think. We do yoga several times a week and made simple changes like parking at the far edge of the parking lot and walking the distance. We take the stairs instead of the elevator. We make ourselves get up and move even when we don’t feel like it. Every little bit helps from vacuuming the carpet to mopping the floor, it all counts.

Sincerely,

Thin as a rail Gladys


If you would like me to answer your quandry or need advice you can e-mail me at sparks1932@hotmail.com.  If I choose your question you too will receive what Carol Merrill is showing behind curtain number two and I won't even make you dress in a silly outfit.

 If you don't know what I'm talking about well ask your grandmother about "Let's Make A Deal".

Dear Gladys Replies

Thank all of you who have written into Dear Gladys. I will do my best to answer your intriguing and important questions. I do need to disclaim that the answers here are entirely of my own doing. I have not been coerced or influenced in any way. There is NOT a person standing behind me telling me what to say nor is there anyone but myself writing this advice. Also I accept no responsibility or reliability for any stupid or insane actions you might do because I merely ‘suggest’ it. Also I am not a doctor of psychology nor do I play one on TV.
Let’s get on with the advice dispensing.

Cher said...
Dear Dr. Gladys,
I tried and tried yesterday to come up with a good question or problem for you. I mean I had a good name picked out for whom the question would be from and everything...but I have no problems in my life. Every time my sleep apnea woke me up I tried to think of a problem that I could have and I couldn't. When my husband came home at 4:00 in the morning, smelling of booze, I asked him if he could think of any problems I might have and he couldn't of any either. When my son called from the county jail, I asked him too but nothing there either. Sorry to disappoint you but I'll enjoy other's problems. How's that?
Your faithful reader,
The Texas Woman

Dear Texas Woman,

Your life reminds me of an old country and western song. "Up against the wall..." oh wait wrong song. You know the one about "I was drunk the day my momma got out of prison, and I went to pick her up in the rain..." You live the perfect life. Keep up the good work. Oh and you know they have some new room spray that will mask that odor of cheap perfume and booze.

Mrs. 4444 writes:
Dear Gladys,
I have this friend who is addicted to reading blogs and poking around on the Internet. As a result, her house is a pigsty, and she has no money to pay for help. What should she do?Signed, The Friend Who Isn't Addicted to the Internet and Has a Spotless House

Dear Spotless,
The only thing I can suggest here is to definitely add to her blog roll by putting every blog on the internet on it. She will be forced to read every single blog on the internet until the trash and filth overtakes her home, her children go unfed and her dog unwashed. She will eventually come to the END of the internet or she will be featured on Dr. Phil and therefore be freed to go back to her usual hygienic happiness. You as her ‘friend’ can talk about her behind her back and make rude comments about your superior skills as a housekeeper, mother and dog owner. See it is a win/win situation for all.
Gladys

Bob said...
Dear Gladys, Is there anything to be done about runaway nose hair? If not, is there anything to be done with runaway nose hair?
Dear Hairy Nose,
You might try treating it better then it won't run away. I understand there are classes at Michaels on weaving nose hair into useful and artful projects such as jewelry and baskets.
You can also add some ear hair for a herringbone effect. So I believe the responsible and artful thing to do here is to let it grow. Like the song said “She asks me why I'm just a hairy guy I'm hairy noon and night Hair that's a fright I'm hairy high and lowDon't ask me whyDon't knowIt's not for lack of break Like the Grateful Dead Darling”
Jaime said...
Dear Gladys:
I have no idea what to ask you...but when I come up with something, I’ll let you know.

Dear No Idea,
You don’t know what to ask because you are an attorney. You are usually the one giving advice and taking money. You just don’t know how to reverse the order. So just send me the money instead and take your own advice.

I will check the Dear Gladys post from time to time today and add more advice as it come in.

Dear Gladys

Remember Dear Abby and her really spiffy big hair and her sister Ann Landers who had equal spiffy big hair? People would write in and ask them for advice. Now let me ask you, where did they get to be experts and tell 'Lonely in St. Paul' to get out more? Neither of them were psychologist or even sociologist, they were just women who liked to hand out their own opinion. I mean honestly can you go to school and get a degree in advice giving? “Hello my name is Dr. Gladys and I’m an advice-ologist. Now take my advice and call me in a month and let me know how it is working out.” Oh wait that would be Dr. Laura.

I believe that I, Gladys, am as qualified if not more than either Ann or her twinkie sister Abby. I have so many more resources at my disposal than they did when they first began their advice column oh so many years ago. Not to mention I have really BIG hair. You know the higher the hair the closer to heaven. I have the ability to ‘Google’ or ‘tweet’ and I have the internet and the intranet and the space time continuum at my fingertips. I also have all these wonderful life experience with which I can pull from and share with each and every one of you who is troubled. Write me, you who are troubled by the heartbreak of psoriasis and the embarrassment of warts. Go ahead and ask those of you who are ‘lonely in St. Paul’ and ‘stuck in Wasilla’.

I am going to give each of you the chance to ask Gladys for advice. If you comment I’ll answer it. If no one comments then I’ll write this off as no one wants my excellent and wonderful advice. I will attack any problem.

Go ahead ‘Hurt in Hartford’ query your quandary. I’m waiting high hair and all.