Saturday, July 24, 2010

High Hopes, I've Got HIGH Hopes

Dear Blog Readers,

Please accept this excuse for being absent from blogland. I have been unable to post because I have had a visit from my ants. They arrived quite unexpectedly and I have been extremely busy entertaining them.

Thank you for your understanding.

Love and Kisses


Remember when you had to take a written note from your mother when you were absent from school? Or when you had to have a doctor’s excuse to not participate in P.E.? I had one that excused me from P.E. for almost all 3 years of high school because my Aunt Flow came to visit so often and hey that’s as good excuse as any.  As you can tell P.E. was  not my favorite subject.  I would rather be tortured Spanish Inquisition style than have to take another P.E. class again EVER.

I did not miss blogging because my Aunt Flow was in town heck I haven’t seen her for oh bout 30 years now. No I did not misspell Aunts. I have been invaded by 42 bajillionleventy of them, ants that is. They are every where. I would have been thrilled had my Auntie V showed up or even Auntie Jewel who by the way is 94 or 95 I’m not sure, neither is she.

It started out last week. I saw one or two in the kitchen. I broke out my handy dandy ant spray that Mr. IsellpestcontrolattheHomeDepot recommended. I squirted here and sprayed there. They seemed to have gone away. Then I went to get something totally dietary and healthy out of my pantry when I noticed that the cap on the pure Maple Syrup was undulating. I picked it up and realized that not only was it covered inside and out with ants now I was too. I rushed to the sink and ran hot water over the whole mess, ants, syrup bottle and hand. I threw the bottle in the trash and promptly tied my Glad Handy Bag into a knot stuck it inside a Hefty bag and put it in the garbage. I wiped my pantry out with a clean rag and was satisfied that I had taken care of the little intruders and went on my way.

I then went to wipe down my counter tops which are black, no I did not choose them, and realized that the speckled pattern of the cabinet was moving. I wiped across them with my cloth only to realize that once again I had been had. That little old ant didn’t know the meaning of can’t and he made a bee-line to the other counter.

The next day I went again to the pantry dreaming of peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Yes I like PB&B just like Elvis, don’t you? I reached my hand into the pantry and pulled out my jar of Skippy only to find that somehow those little hymenoptera had managed to crawl inside a closed jar.

Now how the heck can an ant crawl inside a closed jar I pondered? I of course did what any wondering person would do and googled it. You know what I found out? I found out that there must be a chain of ants stretching all the way from Washington DC to my door because I read in the Washington Post some hot shot entomologist, shouldn’t he be called an antomologist, sealed all of his cracks up with silicon and sent his ants in search of another source of food. So if you have ants you can blame him. I know I did.

That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it, well me and a bajillionleventy ants.


RA said...

Ants? In more than great numbers? *slowly backing out of the door*

AngelMay said...

Wow, Gladys! What a story! I have the perfect way to defeat household pests. Well, it has worked here for 5+ years now. I never ever put food scraps in my garbage can. I put them in a special bag in the freezer. When I take the garbage to the dump (I *do* take the garbage to the dump, personally, in this little town because it's so easy - and much cheaper than paying someone to come once a week and limiting me to one silly little 30-gallon can) I take the bags out of the freezer and away they go. No food scraps are ever left out to tempt a bazillionjillion ants.

Tracy said...

OK, now I'm itchy.

365 Letters said...

Out here in Northcentral Texas, there doesn't have to be a scrap in sight...the ants will come in looking for water. We've tried all sorts of things, from organic to never-even-thought-about-being-all-natural, and usually, the ants just leave when they're ready to go!

I enjoy your blog, Gladys.