I have suffered from intermittent insomnia for
years. Oh, don’t get me wrong I can fall
asleep easily, I don’t obsess or have racing thoughts, nope falling asleep is
not my issue. I am not saying I don’t
have issues believe me I have issues about my issues but falling asleep is not
one. I do however have a terrible time
staying asleep. Most people go into REM
sleep and then they pass on over into Beta sleep which is that deep restful
sleep. Not me. I go into REM sleep, jerk and I am
awake. Sometimes I can fall back to
sleep but most of the time I spend the rest of the night tossing and turning
willing myself to fall back asleep.
Years ago, my doctor sent me
to a sleep clinic. They attached
electrodes to my head and wrapped chords around my body and then told me to go
to sleep. I mean what could be more
restful than being trust up like a Christmas goose and told to sleep.
Nope, no pressure there. I tried to sleep. I turned this way and squiggled that way until I finally dozed off just enough to have that falling off a curb feeling. I jerked awake and that was all there was to sleep for the next eight hours. When the test was over and the doctors all converged watching the video, examining the EEG and the EKG and the ABC’s of my night they all came to the conclusion all I needed was a good sedative. Low and behold there was a brand new one on the market. Everyone was talking about it. Drug reps were handing them out like Tic Tacs at a garlic festival.
Nope, no pressure there. I tried to sleep. I turned this way and squiggled that way until I finally dozed off just enough to have that falling off a curb feeling. I jerked awake and that was all there was to sleep for the next eight hours. When the test was over and the doctors all converged watching the video, examining the EEG and the EKG and the ABC’s of my night they all came to the conclusion all I needed was a good sedative. Low and behold there was a brand new one on the market. Everyone was talking about it. Drug reps were handing them out like Tic Tacs at a garlic festival.
I happily filled my
prescription in anticipation of a good night’s sleep. I celebrated by going to bed early. I fell asleep quickly and remembered nothing
until I awoke in my backyard. It was the
middle of the night and I was standing in the middle of my backyard, in the
middle of winter, naked. I had pajamas
on when I fell asleep but here I was wide awake in my backyard without a
stitch. I made my way back in the house
found my pajamas wadded in a pile on the floor of my kitchen, the refrigerator
wide open and the water running. I thought,
hum that’s odd. Someone broke in my
house raided my refrigerator and left the water on. I checked the locks after I dressed secured
the house once again headed off to bed.
I tossed and turned wondering what in the hell had happened that I would
tear off my clothes venture into my yard wearing nothing but my birthday suit. The next morning, I felt like I had been on
a ten-day Tequila bender. I pulled
myself together and drove the sixty miles to my office.
I continued to take the
sedative hoping and praying that it would put me to sleep like that woman on
the Sominex commercial, sleep, sleep Sleep.
Each night I would wake in some form of undress in either a closet, the
kitchen or one time standing in the shower.
I spoke to my physician about the sleep walking and she told me it was
one of the side effects of Ambien, that some people had complained of sleep
eating, but that I shouldn’t worry and the side effects would eventually go
away.
Then it happened. The reason I will never take a sleeping pill
again. It was a night much like any
other. I got the munchkin in bed,
completed my nightly routine then snuggled down in my bed for hopefully a night
of sleep. I fell asleep easily enough. I slept.
I slept soundly. I slept soundly
until I awoke in front of my office door.
Standing in front of my office door that was sixty miles from my house
in the dark of night. I was standing in
front of my office door sixty miles from my house NAKED. Not a stitch.
I was letting it all hang out. I
was airing out the laundry. I looked around
and luckily not a soul was around. I ran
to my car and popped the trunk and like Eve I began searching for something to
cover my nakedness. I found a rain
poncho and some work-out pants and quickly put them on.
About that time a police car
drove up. The officer rolled down his
window and smiled and asked if everything was all right. WAS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? No, it wasn’t all right. I had driven sixty miles in the middle of the
night ASLEEP!! Not only was I asleep but
I was NAKED and asleep.
I still don’t sleep. I still suffer from intermittent
insomnia. I do not take any kind of
sedative.
I told the doctor what happened and she paused then replied "Well I wouldn't take that anymore if I were you." Thanks Doctor Obvious.
I told the doctor what happened and she paused then replied "Well I wouldn't take that anymore if I were you." Thanks Doctor Obvious.