Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Birthday Salutations




I just had another birthday which caused me to wonder, why exactly do we celebrate birthdays?  Is it because we are amazed we have made it through another year?  Is it because it is the one day of the year that we are allowed to be a total attention hound?  We can parade around with a silly grin on our faces throw ourselves a big party and declare I AM IMPORTANT?  Or is it just another excuse to get rotten stinking drunk, eat cake and throw up?  What ever the reason it really fascinates me how different people celebrate the day.  Are you the get drunk type?  Are you the eat a whole cake all by yourself type?  Or are you the understated lay low and tell no-one type?  Oh come on think about it. 

I have to tell you I have gone through different stages of birthday celebrations.  When I was little I always shared my birthday with Matilda.  Her birthday is a couple of weeks before mine and so I always stood in her shadow and celebrated with her.  I think she was sixteen before she was allowed her own birthday.  Okay, you have to bear with me here because I’m using the term “birthday” loosely here.  It is just too hard to say “found under the rock day”.  When I was thirteen my found under the rock day was on Friday the 13th.  Now being superstitious and fearful I awoke that morning in pure panic.  I was afraid that the boogeyman, which later became known as Jason or Freddie or Leatherface or Al Gore, okay maybe not Leatherface, would come and spirit me away to the lower bowels of hell and I would be stuck there for eternity. 




Instead I had a wonderful thirteenth birthday complete with surprise cake and a brand new bicycle. 

I thought I would share with you how I spent my birthday this year.  First let me tell you this was one of those landmark Birthdays.  This was one of the BIG ones and by BIG I mean the number is BIG.  No, I’m not going to tell you what the number is but I will tell you when they lit the candles the fire department showed up and Johnny Cash descended from heaven and began singing “Ring of Fire”.   




I am enclosing a copy of an email I sent to my family and friends.

Dear Family and Friends,
Thank you so much for all the wonderful birthday wishes.  I’m sorry I was out of pocket yesterday.  I had 3 on-line classes that I had to get in before they were no longer available.  Ah yes sweet procrastination.  Anyway the other problem I had and still have is I have no voice with which to speak on the telephone.  I know it was my birthday gift to the world.    Gladys quiet it’s like the Christmas miracle.  Maybe it is because I talked so much the first 50 years it’s a sign from GAWD to be quiet the next 50.  NAAW  that will NEVER happen.
I did want to let you know I had a wonderful birthday.  Kahuna took me to the Early Bird Special at Denny’s and we had the Senior Citizen grilled chicken with extra Flax Seed breading, stewed prunes and a big glass of Geritol.  Then he took me to the Senior Citizen Center for a rousing game of Checkers and Rocking Chair races.  I would have won but I fell asleep before the end of the first heat.  Then he took me to Rite Aide and had them fit me with a walker and some Depends.  We had such a late night I was completely wore out and went home and went to bed, at 8 p.m. 

Love you all
Gladys

So how do you celebrate your birthday?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

I Love You For Sentimental Reasons....



I’m checking in for Theme Thursday.  I’m in between classes and decided to sit down and write my post.  I flipped over to the Theme Thursday page to see what today’s theme would be.  There on the front page everyone had signed up already.  I am late to the party again.  I clicked on Brian and read a nice bit of poetry.  I toggled over to West Valley Photo and up popped the picture of REASON.  Yes this week’s theme is REASON and Nonamedufus gave me a REASON to Believe.  Now there has to be a reason for that, right?  I mean it would seem to reason that the powers that be, just who are those powers anyway and are they SUPER powers, would choose it for a reason.  I took a personality test this week and found that I am one who likes to have stability and a reason for doing things.  Here is my take on reason or at least my reason for something.  I’m reasonable like that.  Once you read my little ditty go on other and check out what other people reason is reasonable for a REASON THEME THURSDAY.

Gladys sat at her computer trying to compose the letter.  It became increasingly evident that she just couldn’t find the words.  This was a first for Gladys.  She never ran out of words.  She had more words than she had breath.  She leaned back and closed her eyes and tried to come to reason with herself. 

She drew in a deep breath and the exhaled sat up and placed her fingers on the keys.  She waited for inspiration.  She waited for the muse to inspire her with words that spoke her heart.  Nothing.  Nothing at all came to mind.  She knew she wanted to express her feelings but she just couldn’t find the words.  She waited fingers poised.   Then they began to move.  Her fingers flew over the keys, fingernails clicking out a steady beat.  Gladys looked up at the screen and read “the quick grey fox jumped over the fence”.  She sighed and hit the delete button. 

She reached over and took a bite of the cookie and began once again.



Dear Keebler Elves,

The reason for my correspondence is I have forever loved your creations and my particular favorite is your Danish Wedding Cookies.  I have not been able to find them here in Southern California and am saddened that I can not partake in that magical goodness. 


I know it would be too much to ask for an Elf to come live with me and stay in my kitchen cranking out copious quantities of these delightful little cookies.  Would you consider instead giving me the recipe?  I am convinced that there is some magic dust or some kind of special something (crack cocaine?) that you may need to send me so that mine will be as wonderful.  I promise I will not share this recipe with anyone; it will just be our little secret.  I mean it’s a win, win situation right?  I would be more popular than a super-delegate at the democratic convention and your secret is safe.  I promise I will share the finished product with those less fortunate who have never had the pleasure of eating a whole box in one sitting, then licking the wax paper lining to get the last speck of that white powdered goodness.

Again, I will gladly give an elf a warm bed and a kitchen instead of a tree in which to bake.  Should you choose to send me the recipe and some of your elfin goodness to go in them I will be forever grateful.

Yours forever addicted,
Gladys
PS  Could you send me the Pecan Sandie recipe too?  Maybe you should just send me the elves.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Be Careful How You Flap Your Wings



A couple of years ago someone sent me an email labeled “THE DASH” from the Simple Truth’s website.  I clicked on it and it took me on a journey that touched my heart and my soul.  Mac Anderson the originator of Simple Truths has recently sent out another touching video called “The Butterfly Effect”. I am a student of the human condition.  I believe that what we do individually effects us collectively.  Then I received an invitation from Thomas Nelson to review Andy Andres in his new book “The Butterfly Effect”. 

While this is a little book of 58 pages it speaks volumes.  Mr. Andrews takes the theory of Edward Lorenz’

“the Butterfly Effect”, a butterfly could flap its wings and set molecules of air in motion, which would move other molecules of air, in turn moving more molecules of air-eventually capable of starting a hurricane on the other side of the planet, and shows us that we are the butterfly flapping our wings.  He reiterates over and over that YOU DO MATTER.  What you do, say, think and feel affects each and every person. 

Kind of takes your breath away doesn’t?  Just think, you may have touched someone’s life and not even realized it.  Heck you may have not even been anywhere near them.  That bad mood you were in last week when you snapped at the barista resonated throughout the universe and may have even come back full circle to the snide clerk at Costco.  YOU CAUSED THAT.  Or the dollar you gave the man with the "What if You Were Hungry?" sign might be on his way to curing cancer and you just made it possible for him to go back to school and find that cure.  Makes you feel mighty powerful doesn’t it?  Now how are you going to use that power? 

I highly recommend this book.  It is a quick read.  It is a great “gift” book and it is one to keep with you just to remind yourself that what you do matters.

Now then go out there and be good to one another and remember thoughts become things, think good ones.

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Dating Game


I wanted to repost this story from my old blog because I don't think some of you have read it.  Now I know you are saying "WAIT! You had another blog before me?"  Yes, dear hearts I did and some of it didn't get brought over.  I will try to finish bringing them over for your criticism, I mean enjoyment.

I wasn’t allowed to date until I was sixteen.  I was a junior in high school when I finally turned sixteen and really didn’t embark on the dating scene until late in my junior year.  I was introduced to a boy from our rival high school across town at a party one night.  He seemed nice and my friend who introduced us vouched for him.  He seemed to be interested in me and me in him.  When he asked me out for the following Friday I was thrilled, elated, heck I all but floated out of the party.  I mean this guy was cool.  He dressed differently than the cowboys I was used to dating.  He didn’t have a dip of snuff under his lip and he quoted poetry!  Be still my beating heart. 

My parents were still quite strict even though they had been through this dating thing twice before. They had gone through this with my rebellious sister and the other with my elusive brother.  I am sure that is why my mother set my curfews so early and my daddy insisted each boy come up to the house and meet one of my family before I could leave.  I had rules.  Rule number one, no boys in the house when my parents weren’t home which meant never since my parents were rarely home.  Rule number two, home before 9:00 pm on school nights and 10:30 pm on weekends, because we all know that you won’t get into any trouble or have s-e-x before 10:30.  Rule number three, no drive-in movies, because that was where kids had s-e-x. Rule number four, the boys had to come to the house and meet someone from my family before they could cart their daughter out on a date. 

I spoke to let’s call him Craig, because that was his name, on the phone several times during the week before our date.  Each time getting a more of a sense of the Rebel Without a Cause vibe from him.  He was funny and intense and sort of moody.  He was everything a teenage girl finds attractive; thank God we finally out grow that.  He agreed to pick me up Friday evening at six because the movie started around seven that would give us time to grab a burger before the show.  He got directions to my house and I told him my “house rules”.  He just chuckled and said “we’ll see”. 

Friday finally arrived and I couldn’t wait for school to let out so I could go and primp and prune and polish.  I tamed my frizzy hair as much as I could trying to look like Farah Fawcett but instead looked more like Rosanna Danna Danna.  I put on my high waisted Faded Glory Wide legged bell bottoms, my cutest tallest platform shoes lifting me up from 4’10” to 5’1” and my cutest hippest Hang Ten tee shirt.  I was a vision of 1970’s loveliness.  I was dressed and ready to go by five o’clock and sat in the den with my dad waiting for Craig (le sigh) to show up.  My dad was entranced by something Walter Cronkite was saying on the six o’clock news when I heard a honk from the front of the house.  I got up and ran to the front door.  At the end of our side walk sat the coolest, hottest trans-am.  It was black and gold with the big eagle on the front, t-tops and loud pipes.  My heart leapt in my chest.  Craig is just the coolest! I thought.  My daddy on the other hand was not impressed.  He yelled from his recliner.  “Young Lady, YOU are NOT going out there!  You can yell at him and tell him to come in and meet me or you can just sit your little butt back down on the couch and stay home.” 

I did as I was told and opened the door and asked Craig to come inside.  I was mortified, but I would have been more so if I hadn’t.  He got out of his car very much put out to be made to come inside but he did. My daddy gave him the third degree and asked him all but what his blood type was.  Then he said “Okay, then Greg, you have my little girl back home by 10:30.  You got me boy?”  To which Craig replied “My name is Craig and I got you.”  Daddy narrowed his eyes and looked at Craig and said “Alright then Greg we’ll see you later and you drive careful.”  I literally wanted to crawl under the couch and have a tea party with the dust bunnies, well if my mother would have had dust bunnies.

Craig and I walk out to the car with me chattering on about some nonsense and I walk around to the passenger door and wait.  I notice Craig has already gotten in the car.  Now I was raised that it was only polite and the gentlemanly thing to do for the man to open the woman’s car door as a sign of respect.  I stood there dumbly looking at the door when he said “What’s the matter don’t you know how to open a door?”  Well of course now I felt stupid so I opened the door and slid into his purring machine.  My teenage hormones were at full tilt and I just knew he was going to be “the one”.  I would have to work on his manners but hey that was just a minor set back.

I sat back ready to enjoy the evening.  Craig put his foot on the accelerator and laid rubber half way down the block in front of my house.  I could feel my daddy’s eyes rolling from the end of the street.  Craig took the first corner on two wheels only instead of being frightened I felt exhilarated.   Like I said I lived in a very strict household.  We stopped briefly at the little drive-in diner and wolfed down a hamburger and some fries and then we were speeding across town again.  The next thing I know we pull into the drive-in movie theater.  I looked at Craig and said “I’m not allowed to go to the drive-in.”  He just smirked and replied “What your parents don’t know won’t hurt you.” 

We pulled into our stall and he rolled down his window, took the speaker off the stand and hooked it on the door.  The movie had not started yet and they were playing some rock and roll tune that we both sat and sang the lyrics and kept the beat to.  I was trying to feign comfort but the situation just felt all wrong.  I kept hearing my daddy’s words in my head and I just knew my mother with her voodoo who doo or extra sensory perception would know.  I had images of an errant meteor hurdling towards earth and unfortunately striking right in the center of the theater parking lot.  There I’d be on the news being interviewed about a meteor hitting the front of the car and my parents would know.  I was petrified!

Nighttime snuck in and the movie trailers started.  Craig put his arm over the back of my seat and leaned across the console and in a very husky almost whisper said “So would you like to get comfortable in the back seat?”   I was taken aback.  I was shocked.  I was aghast.  I looked at him with my big eyes and squeaked out a “No thank you; I’ll just stay up here with you.”   His mouth snapped shut, his eyes turned black and he threw the speaker out of the window revved the engine on his car and peeled out of the theater lot.  He sped 100 miles per hour across town weaving in and out of cars running red lights and sliding around corners.  He skidded to a stop in front of my house reached across the car and opened my door.  He then spoke the only words he had spoken since he had asked me the confusing question “GET OUT!” he said. 

I begged, I pleaded, and I groveled.  What had I said?  What had I done to invoke his ire, his wrath, his hate?  He said nothing just sat there looking at me like I was covered in rat shit.  I slowly crawled out of his super cool car.  The next thing I knew the door was slammed and all I could see were his red cat eye tail-lights speeding away.  I was crushed and confused.  I didn’t understand why he was so angry.  I didn’t understand why he would turn on me.  My inferiority complex just tripled in size as I drug my feet to the door and let myself in.

Daddy was still in his recliner now watching a western or Nova or something.  He looked up when I entered the room and asked what I was doing home so soon.  I was crushed and began to tell him what happened. The slightest curl went to my father’s lips.  He suppressed a chuckle or two and very calmly said “You did good kid.”