Sunday, June 20, 2010

It's A SALE!

I guess this weekend was yard sale weekend. I won’t call it a garage sale because well to be honest my garage was not for sale. Come to think of it neither was the yard. Let’s discuss this whole concept of yard/garage or if you are in the middle rummage sales.

First of all I have junk I don’t want. I spent six weeks talking about how I needed to have a garage sale, oh come on let’s just call it what it really is, a junk sale. Okay, so I’ve talked this event up for six weeks. I even recruited the girl’s to the task. We settled on a date. We talked strategies. We discussed attack and defense tactics. We exhausted ourselves fretting over what items we no longer desire to keep and those which are irreplaceable and priceless.

Thanks to for this picture because I totally forgot to take pictures.

The location had been located. The date drew nigh. Our anticipation was high. The ads had been placed. Craig’s list had been notified. It was the 7th hour and I looked around only to realize I had done nothing to prepare the merchandise for the sale. Now if you are a fan of Clean House and follow Neecie Nash then you know that presentation of your junk is what it is all about. It may be junk to you but to someone else it might just be treasure.

Let me take an aside and tell you about one of Trooper Bob’s cohorts. This man, we will call him Fred Sanford, loves rummage sales. He in fact does nothing but visits them and buys merchandise. If you are in need of a henway, Fred has one. The problem is he doesn’t just have one he has 500 of them. He stores them in an old house and has only a small donkey path to weave your way through his millions of purchases to find the toilet and you can only hope you find the one that is actually working and not one he purchased at a yard sale. Who do you think purchases used toilets at yard sales? I digress. When you ask Fred why he buys all that stuff he only answers “I might need it some day.” Really? You might need 700 headless Barbies or 250 naked Cabbage Patch dolls? Yes I’m sure those 4000 golf clubs might come in handy with which to hit those 40,000 golf balls. To Fred everyone’s junk is his treasure. I don’t understand this at all.
Look Bob there is that left handed wrench you needed right there next to the henways.

It was 8 p.m. on Friday; the sale was to start at 8 a.m. Saturday. I had twelve hours to sort through 5000 pieces of clothing. Iron and fold and price every thing that had been stored in bins since we cleaned out our house. Panicked I sent Kahuna after signs to post with arrows point toward re-sale haven. The girls had to work, they patted my head lovingly and said “we would LOVE to help but we must go work.” I nodded knowingly that had I a job I would have begged to be scheduled both Friday and Saturday. Yet I trudged on. Kahuna set up tables, he made dinner, he watched as I sorted, ironed, priced and arranged. It was ready for presentation. Exhausted I fell into bed. I slept a fitful and restless sleep. I wondered if I should really get rid of the red and white skirt I hadn’t worn since I was in high school well over 30 years ago. I fretted over the glass pitcher that had sat in the cupboard for 5 years whose origin I knew not. I tossed and turned afraid that there would be no buyers and I would have to keep all of the aforementioned items.

The alarm chimed at 6 a.m. I sprang from my bed and readied myself for the day. I opened the blinds and peered out into the fog. There waiting in front of our humble abode sat a line of cars. Wait! People are camping out to buy my junk? Really? They got there two hours early to buy a broken night stand or were they there to purchase the broken pineapple clock?

I procured a cup of coffee and uncovered my wares. They crowded in and overwhelmed me all at once. The girls quickly came to my aid and I heard “If it’s marked a dollar then it’s a dollar” and can I have this gold rolex for 50 cents? Wait there was a gold Rolex? Where did that come from? I made change and rearranged items to make it look like there was more where there wasn’t. That is when I realized that I have a totally warped perspective. If my junk is so exciting that people will line up before 6 a.m. just to look at it why am I not charging them just for the honor of being near me? That is when I looked up the street and saw 6 other yard sells in progress only to realize that my junk wasn’t that special but at least it is now someone else’s junk.


Ms Martyr said...

I had one of these sales once and it convinced me that it's just easier to donate everything to charity.
What's a henway?

Gladys said...

Ms Martyr said...
I had one of these sales once and it convinced me that it's just easier to donate everything to charity.
What's a henway?

June 21, 2010 11:10 AM

Ms. Martyr... what's a hen way? About 5 lbs...badum-dum.

AngelMay said...

I just give my junk to Goodwill. :)

MJ said...

I'm with the others - I just give my stuff away. Yard sales sound like too much work.