There are a million stories in the city.
"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")
The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 6-22-2010
A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Erin Cole (comments by Gladys) Good job Erin!
6:40 a.m. Sometime during the night, a thief made off with some booty after a homeowner on Treasure Island Way in Kalispell noticed a purse and some other belongings were missing.
What did they expect? Living on Treasure Island and all. I think I saw this guy making off with the booty.
Hey he can make off with my booty any time.12:56 p.m. After missing several business appointments in the area, a Colorado man was reported missing. He was eventually located in a jail cell, where he landed after too much drinking and fishing resulted in a DUI.
Okay I understand how too much drinking can land you in jail; but too much fishing??
4:11 p.m. A person on North Foys Lake Road called and said he had heard “bullets zinging past” his head. The report turned out to be unfounded.
This came from theawesomer.comThose weren’t bullets they were mosquitoes the size of 747’s.
7:40 a.m. A Columbia Falls woman reported that her neighbor hurled a dead chicken at her pigs.
A dead chicken? Maybe it was a life chicken until it hit Porky right between the eyes. Are you sure it wasn’t some sort of barn yard hazing ritual? Or maybe she was part of some strange South American cult.
10:44 a.m. The Trade Commission called a Bigfork woman and told her that her husband had won $750,000 but needed to pay a $2,100 insurance fee for the check’s safe delivery. The woman wisely saw through the scam and contacted authorities.
Before or after she sent them the $2100?
4:45 p.m. A forensic anthropologist determined that bones found on Conrad Drive in Kalispell were those of an animal and not of a human.
What was the first clue? The fact it had four legs and paws or that it had an elongated head and claws?
go look at other oddities at unexplained-mysteries.com
11:38 p.m. During a cell phone conversation with his daughter, a parent overheard her and her boyfriend moving furniture out of the family’s Whitefish home. As the parent had not asked for any furniture to be moved, he contacted the authorities.
Man I want a bionic ear too. You know the one they advertise on T.V. where the nosey old neighbor listens in to everything the two friends say about her?
yeah the one you didn't need to hear Billy Mayes and not the one being advertised by Lee Majors. LEE MAJORS PEOPLE! The Bionic Man, who could outrun a train and jump over really high things and hear a crime being commited 6 miles away is now advertising hearing aides. OH MY GAWD I AM OLD!!
1:52 a.m. A couple camping at Glacier Campground awoke to discover a bear prowling near their tent. The couple decided to spend the night in their vehicle, armed with bear spray and guns.
Now see I would have spent the night in my car too. Two states away. Remind me to tell you about me and the bear sometime.
5:44 p.m. In Columbia Falls, someone used an axe to destroy another person’s lawn mower.
See Harold! I told you not to mow the grass at 6 a.m. on Saturday.
6:38 p.m. Two medium-sized bears, one black, the other sporting cinnamon-colored fur, were spotted on Many Lakes Drive. The bears allegedly display an overly-friendly disposition to people.
Was it Yogi and Booboo?
9:17 p.m. In Kalispell, a man was “running around outside and acting crazy” and looking under his trailer and boat for law enforcement officials. Suspecting an overdose, authorities had the man transferred to the hospital.
Maybe he was running from the bears.
4:12 p.m. A dead skunk was left in a mailbox on White Birch Lane in Kalispell.
Geeze does the madness never end? A couple of months ago someone left a beaver in a mailbox. This redneck mafia is way out of hand. "Hey Bubba, I want chew to make dis guy an offer he can't refuse..."
8:26 p.m. Suspicious circumstances, of an unknown nature, were reported happening behind the Rainbow Bar. An investigation is ongoing.
Maybe it was just a bunch of drunk leprachans hiding their pots of gold.
2:15 p.m. An intoxicated adult male passed out in a Kalispell gas station bathroom. When authorities found him, he was clutching a beer.
Hum I wonder why he passed out? Did someone draw a mustach on him too?
12:49 a.m. A car, with its lights turned off, repeatedly drove up and down Sleepy Hollow Road. Deputies cannot confirm if Ichabod Crane was in the neighborhood at the time.
Thanks Erin, I don’t have to say a word on this one.
3:19 p.m. When a Whitefish woman woke up from an afternoon siesta, she discovered her vehicle missing. Authorities discovered it parked four streets away.
Was she clutching a beer in her hand?
10:56 p.m. A family disturbance was reported on Peaceful Drive in Bigfork.
Guess it wasn't very peaceful was it?
11:41 a.m. Kalispell’s own sporadic nudist made an appearance at a local park. Deputies failed to locate him.
He would be the naked guy on the merry-go-round clutching his beer.
8:40 p.m. Unsurprisingly, loud music was heard on College Avenue.
6:07 a.m. When asked by a Martin City resident why they were driving around at such an early hour, two males replied that they were siphoning gas.
Well at least they are honest thieves.
1:39 a.m. An intoxicated woman took refuge behind a Columbia Falls bar as she was “afraid of the bears.” Deputies assisted her home.
Why were they trying to hide her car and take her beer?
Joe Friday quote for the week:
Friday: "All right, tunnel-mouth, let's all save time! Last April a police officer was shot. We think you and this shotgun did it."
No go on and be careful out there!