Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Wednesday Rant or Gladys Has Her Panties in a Wad

It’s been awhile since I went off on a tangent and well honestly, I’m over due. Just like that library book you found under your sofa that was due in 1987 I am that past due. I’ve been sitting over here in my corner quietly and calmly observing all the doings and goings on and I’m about to pop. I’m about to explode like a candy stuffed piñata at Mark McGuire’s birthday party. Oh shut up I know Mark drank from the steroid fountain that is why I said exploding piñata. See I’m already diverting from my original rant.

This brings me to my first and foremost rant. The country is broke right? We are WAY over budget, right? If you were overdrawn at the bank 7 trillion dollars wouldn’t they cut you off? I’m telling you right now if my checking account is a hundred bucks from being empty and I try to pull out another $20 the ATM yells at me then spits out a nasty note that says “you can not have any more of your own money.” Now this is a good thing because it keeps me from thinking “hey I still have checks…that means I still have money!” or in todays terms “II still have my debit card…” You sitting there nodding your head yes but you are wondering “Gladys, that’s all true, but what is your point?” My point is the country is upside down, inside out and sideways budget-wise, which means we don’t have enough money to pay attention. Which makes me wonder then why in the hell are we paying over a million dollars a day for the president to get on an airplane fly to Timbuktu to campaign for the democratic candidate for dog catcher? Really Mr. Obama, you want to help balance the budget? Sit your ass at home and let them campaign for themselves.

What the hell is the deal with Lindsey Lohan? She is in jail, she is out of jail. She is in rehab she is out of rehab. She is sober she is wasted. Can’t the judge see she doesn’t get it? The girl needs a real mother. She needs a court appointed momma. Someone to tell her “Lindz, what the hell are you thinking? You got like a bazillion dollars! Get off the crap, stop drinking and enjoy your life.” All the while flushing her Oxycontin and pouring out her Chablis. So my advice to Lindsey is if you are dying to spend all that money you are wasting on booze, drugs and attorneys buy President Obama a coach class ticket to Timbuktu and put him up in the Econo-lodge so he can campaign for the dog catcher. Or better yet get off your overly privileged drugged-out ass and go work in an animal shelter. Let me be her mother, I’ll give her the Nurse Meme treatment.

Next rant is Paris Hilton, see above.

Finally, not that this is my final rant, it’s just the last one I’m going to subject you to; Real Housewives of D.C.? What’s next? Real Housewives of Chunky, Mississippi? I think it would be more interesting watching Lurlene and Becky Jo duke it out in the local Food 4 Less over the last package of pork chops than to watch a bunch of over-made, botoxed, silicone and acrylic-ed up rich women whine about how they aren’t being respected. So BRAVO listen up, we want REAL housewives not these Lindsey Lohan want-a-be’s.

Rant over.


Suzy said...

Don't worry about the Real Housewives D.C. That franchise is doing so poorly they allegedly dumped the Salahis. I'm holding out for the really rich and pampered, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, due to begin shortly. (maybe it already has?)

But I like your idea. The Real Housewives of Gussy's Gulch. Pork chops and all.

Tracy said...

Preach it sister!
I wish we could get something like that on the news.