Gladys Has A Thriftcatastrophe (A Rant)

Is it me or has Salvation Army lost their ever loving mind? No really are they batshit crazy? You are wondering what the heck caused this outburst aren’t you? You are thinking “Good Gawd Gladys what the hell did you do now?” Heck I’m wondering what the hell I did now.


I have a project I’m working on but I am a major cheapskate. Kahuna likes to say I’m frugal but really I’m just cheap. I take after my grandfather on my daddy’s side and I will rub two nickels together until they make a dollar.

I saw a bulletin board I want to use in the office. It was perfect. It was a large ornate white frame that had a cork board center. I found one at Pottery Barn but didn’t want to have to go sell my soul to the devil to buy it. I eyed it up and down, fondled it and fingered and grabbed my trusty Stanley measuring tape.

This is the one I want.

This is the one I lug arround that weighs a ton. 

Yes I keep one in my purse don’t you? It wasn’t the color I wanted the frame not the tape and I thought I could do better.

Sometimes I think I'm Junkrestore or Country Cottage Chic which I don’t know if I have told you but I am somewhat craft challenged. My family has banned me from hot glue guns, nail guns, hammers, staple guns, ladders, mod podge and most types of adhesives. Hey I didn’t know that you could super glue your eyelids together, but that’s a story for another day.

I rushed home dimensions in hand, okay they were really in my crackberry, and rushed in to tell Kahuna of my plan. I saw the fear and panic on his face. He began telling me that it would involve miter saws and staple guns and dildos or dados or some such something. I hugged him and patted his head and told him my plan.

I was going to go to the Salvation Army store and buy a pre-made frame. Now I have not been to the Salvation Army store since I had left the ex-asshole. I was so eager to get the heck out of there I left all of my furniture grabbed the dog and the kid and drove 1700 miles in 24 hours just to be free.  I left the ex-asshole not the thrift store, again another story for another day. Kahuna was so thrilled at the fact that I would not be wielding saws and hammers that he promptly drove me to our local SA store.

I just knew there was the perfect frame waiting there for me. I daydreamed all the way that I would walk in and sitting right in front of the store with my name on it would be a 4 foot by 5 foot gold gilt frame priced super cheap. We exited the vehicle and I all but skipped into the thrift shop. I began by looking at some tables out front; I have another scheme for another project which involves a dinning table. I felt the wood, inspected the legs and then checked the price. I looked at it a second time and grabbed Kahuna’s shirt sleeve “honey, would you read this price tag for me?” Kahuna pulled out his spectacles and looked at the tag. He looked at me then squinted his eyes and got his nose inches from the tag “does that say what I think it does” he asked. “Do you think it says $500.00” I retorted. He shook his head yes to which I answered “then it does.” He looked the well worn dinted dinged and broken table up and down and shook his head in disgust.

We entered the old grocery turned thrift palace with trepidation. I spotted in the corner a group of picture-less frames. I made a bee-line for the group and began to paw through them. They weren’t as big as I wanted but I figured I could make two of them and space them out. I found one that would suite my purpose perfectly and hoisted over my head like I was Spanish soccer player and the frame was the World Cup. I was charged and in my mind had already spray painted it stuffed it with cork and had it hanging on my wall. Then I looked at the little tag hanging from the corner.

I put that thing back down like it was on fire. Surely that couldn’t the right price for a peeling gilted picture-less frame. I pulled my granny glasses on the chain up to my eyes and took another gander. My eyes had not deceived me there it was in bold black numbers the price for this little jewel was almost as much as the completed cork board at the Pottery Barn.

How could this be? Isn’t this stuff donated? I know I have donated many, many items to this very store. Heck when I moved I hauled two complete sets of china, pictures of people I no longer wanted to have anything to do with in beautiful frames and a plethora of other items. Why would they have a price of well over $100 on a frame, an empty, peeling picture-less frame? I sighed in defeat and started out of the store when I spotted these barstools marked $50.00 each.

 I had just seen them at Wal*mart for $39.00.

When did Salvation Army Thrift store become Nordstroms? Aren’t they supposed to be cheaper so that the every day normal working stiff can buy things they need?