This week’s Theme Thursday is GREEN. Green? Really? As in Brad Pitt building GREEN houses in New Orleans? Green as in the color of Kermit the Frog? I pulled out my memory chip and plugged it in the old computer and searched on the color Green. It ran through all the memories stored in my pea green brain and came up with the greenest memory I have. Is it the green green grass of home? Is it the green in the color of money? Is it the green of a lover’s jealousy? Read on and you’ll see, then when you have finished my green go over to Theme Thursday and be pea green with jell-assy from all the wonderful stories.
Gladys was so excited. It was her first house. Her grandfather had bought the house at auction. She had loved it the moment she stepped foot inside its cracked front door and stood on the peeling linoleum floor. She walked into the kitchen that would soon be hers. She flipped on the light switch and the bright yellow grease stained wall paper glared at her. “Oh, no this will never do” she said to her Grandfather. He looked around and replied “it’s a bit bright isn’t it.” She smiled and said “it would look bigger if it were painted a nice cool color, something that would liven up the coffee colored appliances.” Granddad walked over to the stove and ran a finger along the side of the stove and the color came off in a narrow streak. Granddad looked at the grease on his finger and then took his handkerchief out of his back pocket and scrubbed a little spot on the top of the stove. He scrubbed and as he scrubbed the coffee colored appliances became a coffee au lait color. He scrubbed a little more and it became lighter and whiter. He turned and looked at Gladys and said “Snooks I think this is supposed to be white. You might want to bring some cleanin supplies by tomorrow and see if the ice-box is white too.”
Gladys ran her finger across the counter top and agreed, “This will be fine with a good scrubbing.” She bent down and picked at the chipped and peeling linoleum. “Granddad, can we put light colored flooring down too? Maybe beige or a light grey?” The old man eased down and took his pocket knife to the flooring. He lifted and peeled then said “why lookie here. They have some beige linoleum under this here stick and peel stuff.” Gladys looked at the floor and saw a horrid scarred and yellowed floor under the other horrid and yellowed floor tile. “I think we prolly need to put some new flooring in though. This old stuff dunnit look like it’s in too good a shape” her grandfather mused.
The two toured the rest of the 1600 square foot ranch style home. They pulled up corners of carpet and looked in closets. They flushed toilets and opened and closed windows. “I think this is a fine house” Gladys declared. Granddad scrapped pieces of paint off of door frames and ran water in all of the sinks. “Well Snooks, it don’t look like too much work. The sinks and the counter tops seem to be fine, the commodes all flush and there ain’t no water damage and no leaks from the roof. I think we can git this place up to snuff in no time.” Gladys smiled and arranged to meet him at the house the next day after work.
She drove home thinking Better Homes and Gardens thoughts. She imagined herself cooking in the little kitchen painted a nice light color with her pretty dishes all around. She dreamed of her new wall to wall carpeted living room with her floral couch and rocking chair. She arranged the decorative towels hanging on the repaired and replaced towel rack. All these rooms were done in pretty creamy yellows, blues and pinks. She would do away with all the garish yellows and burnt oranges. Yes her world would be pastels.
Gladys reached for the phone “Shaky Acres, Gladys speaking. How may I help you?” She heard her grandfather’s voice “Snooks? Is that you?” She laughed and said “yes, Granddad what do you need?” He repeated “Snooks? Is that you? I just called to let you know that I got the kitchen painted. You comin by the house tonight?” Gladys was surprised to hear he had painted the kitchen since she had not yet been able to clean it. “Yep, I’ll be there at 5:30. Can I bring something? I have my cleaning clothes and supplies in the car so I’m ready.” She heard him yell at his helper and then he got back on the phone “nope I’ve got everthang I need. See you at 5:30” then the phone went dead.
Gladys couldn’t wait to see the freshly painted kitchen. She was excited that things were starting to move forward so fast. She could move in within the month if her grandfather kept up his pace. She gathered her things together and drove to the house. Her grandfather’s truck was parked on the street and the yard was littered with old carpeting and empty buckets. She opened the front door and the smell of paint assaulted her. She walked on the living rooms rough concrete floor and into the kitchen. She gasped. There in his paint spattered kaki pants stood her grandfather, paint roller in hand. There on the walls was the brightest most garish color of green. The walls were green, the cabinets were green and somewhere he had found an avocado green range and had replaced the ancient white refrigerator with an avocado green side by side. Tears came to Gladys’ eyes and then her grandfather said “ain’t it purty? I got the paint on sale and I traded them old appliances fer these. This color just looked like you! I just knew you would like it.”
Gladys took a deep breath and said “Oh Granddad! You shouldn’t have!” and she really meant it. He took her hand and walked her into the bathroom. There in the bathroom with the pale pink sink and the pale pink bathtub he had painted the walls the same bright green apple neon green. Gladys bit back a scream and swallowed yard “Yep! You did it in here too!” She couldn’t tell her grandfather how she really felt about the horrid green walls because he had worked so hard. She walked out of the bathroom in time to see Emit, her grandfather’s helper roll out a brand new roll of burnt orange shag carpet.
You know the woman in your neighborhood who knows everything going on? You know the relative who has all the recent gossip? You know the church member who knows who was at the bar the night before? That would be me, Gladys.
Bar Ditch = A ditch on the side of the road. Also know as a borrow ditch
Gussied Up - to dress in one's best clothes (usually fol. by up): to gussy up in your best Sunday go-to-meeting clothes.
Sigh-Reen = an implement used to give warning also known as Siren
Sumabeech= the son of a female dog
winder= an opening in the wall of a building, the side of a vehicle, etc., for the admission of air or light, or both, commonly fitted with a frame in which are set movable sashes containing panes of glass better known as a window
From my legal council over at Stealum, Robem and Screwum:
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