Feeling Less Screwged.

Okay I’m going to come clean. I have a confession to make. First of all forgive me blogger for I have thinned. It has been 3 days since my last blog. Since my last blog I have suffered from a fit of PMS, poor me syndrome, and have taken the name blogger in vain. I have had un-clean thoughts about Myface and Twatter.


Secondly I have not felt very Festivuses. I really haven’t in quite a long time. I faked it for several years but then just gave up the ghost, the ghost of Christmas present that is, and stopped even faking it. I felt that it has become all about stuff. How many of you are living under this pressure that you have to go out and buy a bunch of stuff for a bunch of people who really don’t need anymore stuff and are out doing the same thing. The end result is everyone now has a bunch of stuff they didn’t need or necessarily want. Then the day after Christmas they all run down to the local haberdashery and exchange or return all that stuff that you spent your precious time going and fighting some woman in her bathrobe and slippers at two o’clock in the morning at the super early bird super saver black Friday sale. Now I realize it was totally not your fault that you gave her two black eyes and a bloody nose, I mean she totally deserved it after she took the last Shishu pet or whatever the heck that stupid mechanical hamster is called. Oh and kudos for you for actually wrestling one away from the seventy-eight year-old granny who was buying the last one in the country for her terminally ill grandson in Poughkeepsie at least little Bobby will have one under his tree.

Bitter much? Why would you think that, because I still haven’t forgotten the pony I wanted when I was 8 and begged Santa for which never appeared under the Christmas tree and he left me sheets instead. SHEETS! Sheets and pony do not sound anything alike and I think Nurse Meme was just making excuses for Santa when she told me he was hard of hearing. Um, well let’s not go into that here. I’ll deal with that later in therapy.

What I wanted to do is tell you a story of what I believe the season should be about. Heck what it should be all year long.

Gladys headed out to see Lola of the Cabana, the hair whisperer, to get her hair did. It was a cold and blustery day in sunny southern California and she dressed appropriately putting on closed toed shoes. She drove to the local Starbucks and waited behind the four hundred sixty-seven cars in the drive thru until it was at last her turn to place her order. Gladys hadn’t really been paying much attention to the line building behind her but noticed that the good people at Starbucks had placed an actual person outside in the below sixty-degree frigid weather to take orders and move the line along a little faster. The Barista approached Gladys vehicle and inquired for her order. Gladys ordered a Venti Egg-nog latter and a Chi Tea for Lola. Gladys reached into her purse and as she did she glanced the car behind her in line. There was a woman who was about the age Nurse Meme would be and had a similar hair style. Gladys got a little teary eyed and told the barista “I would like to pay for the lady behind me.” The barista looked up from adjusting her microphone and said “what was that?” Gladys pointed behind her and said “Whatever the woman behind me orders put it on my bill. I’ll pay for it.” The barista smiled and said “sure, hey Happy Holidays.” Gladys thanked her and did as she was instructed, because she always does as she is told, and drove forward. She arrived at the window and the girl in the window said “hey are you the lady who paid for the car behind you?” Gladys said she was and the barista said “that is so cool. It is now nine cars deep.” Gladys cocked her head to the side in confusion “excuse me?” The manager came to the window and said “it has been passed nine cars deep and it’s still going. That is the first time that has ever happened. Oh and a lady inside heard what you did and she paid for three people in line behind her. So Merry Christmas to you.” Gladys wiped a tear from her eye took her coffees and said “Merry Christmas to you too.”

As she drove out of sight she took a big swig from her coffee and screamed “damn that’s hot!”