About A Boy and A Girl

There on the playground was the object of her affection, the boy. She was six he was seven and it was almost Valentines Day. She had struggled with what type of Valentine to give him. Should it be lacey and pink or should it be masculine. He was an older man after all. She had sat as close to him in church on Sunday as possible.

Happy when her mother and his mother gathered close to chat about who was sick and needed a casserole or who needed someone to sit with them after the loss of a loved one. It was during these times that she got to be close to the boy. She gave only one Valentine that year and it was to the boy.

The years went on and her affection for the boy never waned. They attended high school dances and choral performances, but not with each other. They had the same friends and went to the same church. The boy always noticed the girl and had a special affection for her but never pursued her. The girl being a proper young woman of the time didn’t pursue him. What would the ladies of the church say? What would her friends say? Most important what would the boy say?

The girl met another boy and fell in love. He was a military man and swept her far away. The boy met another girl, fell in love and stayed right there in fact the newlywed couple moved in to the cottage house behind the girl’s parents. Her parents took the newlywed couple in as their own. They even treated the young son that the couple was blessed with as their own grandchild. The boy, now a man, often inquired of the girl. You see he still cared for her.

Time went by and the young newlywed couple moved through their lives. The girl came back to her home town and lived with her husband. The boy and girl’s lives were entwined. They would lose touch with each other and then meet up once again. They always would inquire as to each other’s families. They were there to support the other when parents were lost and later on spouses. You see both had lost their spouse to the ravages of cancer. The girl lost hers and was there to help the boy through his loss. The caring and adoration had never gone away. She had always been a caring friend and was even more so during this difficult time.

Then one day the boy realized that he still cared deeply for the little girl who gave him the Valentine. He realized that she had always been in the thread of his life and it must have been for a reason. He was grateful to her and to God for giving him this blessing through out the stream of his life. He decided that it was better late than never. He pronounced his affection to the girl. He told her she had always been dear to him. He lavished affection on her and she on him. Then one day they announced to their grown children their intentions to wed. What could be better the children agreed. What better than the little girl and the little boy to finally be together.

That is how Doe came into our family and Trooper Bob entered into hers. So to my other mother I just want to say thank you for being in our lives. More importantly thank you for being in my daddy’s life. So today on the anniversary of the marriage of the boy and girl we cry tears of joy for our gains and tears of sorrow for our losses. Most of all we cry tears of gratitude for love.

What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas NOT

Have you seen this ad where the whole town of Cransfills Gap Texas is going to Vegas? Well I think that is pretty cool. I know where Cransfills Gap is and have actually been there a time or four.








I even have a history there. I have a whole passel of ancestors who settled there back when Texas was still the Republic of Texas. They came in a covered wagon and settled there in rolling hills and made it home. Wendy, my cousin who keeps me grounded, went and did a bunch a research on our family and said they were in Cransfills Gap back in the 1840's.


Now here is the reason I'm telling you all about this stuff is because my Quirky Cousin “B” or Cyber Cowgirl is having a birthday. She and the whole crew of my quirky cousins are going to Vegas to celebrate. They are going to go and gamble and see the shows and they may even go to one or two of the casino too. They are going to have a high old time and practice that age old saying of ‘what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas’.

“B” is the oldest of the cousins. She of course is still very young which makes me very, very, very, very, very, very young. Heck I’m practically an infant. Okay maybe not but believe me she is very young at heart. She has a great sense of humor and a great sense of adventure. This past summer she and I were trying to figure out how to get her up here on her motorcycle. Yes, she is a motorcycle riding, roller bladeing bad ass. She figured she could make the ride up no problem and that would give her a chance to ride through Sturgis and see what it was all about but alas we had waited too late in the season. She instead went to her day job as a teacher.

She is the one who used to drive the old Willis jeep up the ‘mountain’ so that we could go swimming in the tank (pond to those of you not from Texas). She is the one who I remember driving the caleche roads of the Texas country side as fast as that Le Mans would go. She is the one who put me on that goat in the ‘Cousin Rodeo’.


I just want her to be sure and not end up like this guy. Don’t let a hooker take your pants and your boxer shorts.

The story behind this picture is my friend Huntress got a text message from her cousin who was on a girl's weekend in Vegas. They were leaving for dinner and spotted this guy at the Reception Desk. She said everytime he bent over you could see his family jewels and well they were lookin awful sad and lonely. Anyway seems this fellow got himself a hooker and she decided to take his pants. He was trying to make it back to his hotel and stopped in this one to see if they would give him some pants.

You know good and well I'm not going to let this go without a few comments. First of all Kudos to Huntress' cousin for being Quick Draw McGraw and snapping this picture. Second of all did the Hooker take his boxer shorts too? I mean I understand the pants because the wallet was in them but hey at least leave the guy with his tidy whities.

Trooper Bob and the Diamondback Rattlesnake

He heard it before he saw it. He heard the buzz and the rattle. It sounded like a big one. He took his flashlight and shined it toward the sound. It was coiled there just inches from his boot. Moving slowly Trooper Bob pulled his revolver and shot. The snake jumped striking out just as the bullet pierced its vital organs. Trooper Bob jumped back missing the strike of the snake. Trooper Bob waited for the snake to finish his death march and then with a smirk he got a burlap sack out of his trunk and carefully placed the snake inside. He had plans for the snake.

Back at headquarters Lieutenant Miller was about to come on duty. He would make his usual rounds. He would fix himself a cup of coffee then check the dispatch log. Then as the coffee started to work its magic he would make his way past his treasured chest freezer in the back next to the restroom. He would stop open the freezer and check its contents. You see Lt. Miller loved to hunt. It was his passion, it was his love, and it was his life. When Lt. Miller wasn’t being Lt. Miller he was Outback Miller. He would go out and hunt Javalina, antelope and deer in the El Paso area. He would take weeks off and hunt elk in Colorado and bear in Montana. He only had one little quirk about hunting. He hated snakes. He feared them and he loathed them. Miller believed the only good snake was a dead snake. Miller was also a man of routine.

Trooper Bob arrived back at headquarters after Lt. Miller made his morning rounds. He greeted Lt. Miller and inquired how things were going. Lt. Miller ever the hunting enthusiast told Trooper Bob about his upcoming hunting excursion. He told him that in fact he would be out the next couple of days and was looking forward to a little excursion in the Sonoran desert. Trooper Bob responded with best wishes and happy hunting and went to the break room and completed his reports for the night. Then Bob left to sleep the day away knowing what he needed to do.

Shortly after midnight the next morning when headquarters was quiet Trooper Bob crept in the back door with the burlap sack in hand. He snuck to Lt. Miller’s big chest freezer and opened the lid. He took the 4 foot long desert diamond back snake out of the bag and coiled it on top of the packages of Miller’s precious game meat. He coiled it so that the head was pointed up and he took his pen out of his pocket and propped the jaw open as if the snake were in mid strike. He positioned the huge rattle on the snake’s tail so it to was up in the ready position. Then he quietly closed the frozen coffin and left quietly through the back door. No one saw him; no one knew he had been there.

Trooper Bob went on about his midnight shift as if he had never visited the headquarters’ big coffin shaped chest freezer. He never said a word to anyone about the snake or his plan.
Lt. Miller had been successful on his hunting excursion and had several precious packages to place in this chest of treasures. He arrived at headquarters his first day back with a box of butcher paper wrapped packages. He greeted the dispatch office. He grabbed the call sheet. His plan was to deposit his prize in the freezer and then grab his coffee and peruse the list of recent happenings. He sat his package on the table. He reached over and grabbed the handle and opened the freezer. He screamed like a little girl in a horror movie. He pulled his revolver from its holster and started firing at the deadly snake ready to sink its teeth into his flesh. He unloaded his chamber into his freezer and missed the frozen snake altogether. Yes Lt. Outback Miller had successfully killed his freezer and the contents but had failed to strike the snake. Miller also did not need his coffee that morning to work its magic for the snake had taken care of that.

As for Trooper Bob, serendipity was on his side. It was his day off. He was absolved of the deed. This did not matter to Lt. Miller. He brought each Trooper in and interrogated them as to who was the prankster. He could never prove it and he never really knew. Trooper Bob skated on another one.

From the You Can't Make This Stuff Up Files

November 13

Okay Ladies and Gentlemen, this is from the “You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up” files. I have been busy all day today and haven’t had a chance to write. I know that is hard to believe since I am a slack-ass and never do anything. Like my sister says “I have way too much time on my hands” as evidenced by my writing but I REALLY was busy today. I got an email from Tadpole today that I have to share with you. You know I can’t just post an email from my daughter without telling you another story so here it goes.

Years ago I was at the park with a friend of mine named Chris. We were in college and we were in the park taking pictures. I was close to the monkey bars when a man in his mid-forties approached me. I was eighteen and a forty year old man was really, really, really old to me. It must have been his birthday because walked straight toward me and opened his coat. Low and behold he had nothing on under that coat but his birthday suite. There he stood in all his glory. I was young and inexperienced and reacted the way that I normally react to things. I started laughing. I pointed and laughed and said “hey, Chris, look that almost looks like a penis.” This must have crushed his ego because he covered himself up and ran away. My friend and I called the police and made a report. When the officer arrived the man was no where too be found. The police asked me for a description and I said “Well it looked like a penis only smaller.”

Now then I have told you my story and I will share the email that Tadpole sent me.

Hi Mom,

Just wanted to let you know we are doing great. Thanks for the crock pot recipes. I wanted to tell you about my day. I got Miss Priss ready this morning hearing “Where did Nanny Go?” and “Are we going in Nanny Car”. Since it was a work day and a school day for Priss I drop of Miss Priss at Granmommies. I notice that my little red light were the gas gauge is on. Knowing how much the car hates me when the red light is on, I decide to get gas. I pull over at the gas station. I hand the clerk my card and go to pump my gas. Just another normal day right? I go in to pay when the clerk and I hear this "Psst, Psssst". We both look toward the noise which is near the door. There before us in all his glory is a 50 year old man and his brain, and no not the one in his head. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I was flashed by a 50 year old man and it didn't happen at work. The clerk called the cops and I had to give a statement. The cop asked me for a description, me being my mother's daughter answered "sure, it was wrinkled and small". I thought the cop was going to pee his pants he was laughing and snorting so hard. And how did your day start?

So I ask you did that nut all far from that tree?