What Dreams May Come

You all have gotten to know me a little bit over the last several months. I mean you know that I have an irrational fear of an errant meteor hurdling from space targeting me and only me. You know that I have a wonderful husband named Kahuna and a daddy that I not only worship but have been known to emulate. You know that I have a grandchild that I would slither through a hot bed of snakes to be with and I am deathly afraid of snakes. You know I have a daughter who not only looks like me but she acts like me too. I also have a son who is a talented photographer, a daughter who is wonderful with animals and for that matter people and my youngest who hasn't quite figured out if she wants to be a brain surgeon or a soda jerk. Although they try to stay out of the limelight they can’t because I pick on everyone, but this isn’t about them. This is about ME.

I have a very active imagination. Oh shut up, I can’t help it. The thing is my imagination does not shut down when I’m asleep. I have the most vivid active dreams in Technicolor. Remember “Technicolor”. Remember when you used to go to the movie and you knew the colors were going to be extremely vibrant because it was in “Technicolor”? Well that is what my dreams are they are “Technicolor Dreams”.

The problem is unfortunately sometimes my dreams are too real. I don’t mean that they come true although that has actually happened more than a couple of times. I mean that they are so real and vivid they will actually spill over into my real life. Like last night I had a dream that my daughter was married to Owen Wilson. No big deal right? I mean here we were with my bother-in-law and his wife and my daughter and Owen and me with Kahuna. I woke up this morning and I had to convince myself that I was not camping with Owen, Kahuna and the gang.

The one that tops the cake is the one I had recently about me and Kahuna. Let’s just call it the Pissed off dream. I had a dream that Kahuna and I were on a trip. He had a present with which he kept taunting me. He would show me the box, a jewelry box at that, and then he would take it away. He was extremely irritating in that respect. Now in real life Kahuna is never irritating, he is kind and generous and just a peach of a guy. He was however none of those things in my dream. He then told me the box was not for me at all but for, gasp, another woman. This drove me over the edge and in my dream we had a huge fight. We argued and fought and I spit venomous accusations and he was non-repentant and very obnoxious about it all. I forced myself out of this horrid dream.

I was awake but my heart was still pounding and my adrenaline was still running on overdrive. I jumped out of the bed trying to get away from Kahuna as quickly as possible. I was pissed and I wanted nothing to do with such an ass-hat. He opened one eye and looked at me groggily and said “What’s the matter? You okay? You don’t look very good.” I narrowed my eyes and spit back “I’m fine asshole, leave me alone!” I stomped off into the other room to try to calm myself down. I heard the bed creak and his footfalls coming my way. There was nowhere else to go. We were living in a three room condo. My only options were to lock myself in the bathroom or go out into the below freezing night air. I chose neither; instead chose to stand my ground.

Kahuna entered the room cautiously because honestly we have never spoken to each other that way and he knew something was wrong. He came over to the couch and sat down next to me again making sure to give me some space. He looked at me with concern and his voice was soft and calm as he asked “What happened?” I looked at him and then the mad, sad tears began to flow. “You bought a sob, sob, then you snuffle, and then I sniff, but you didn’t sob, (suck in air and snot) and then I said..” Then it happened he began to chuckle. The chuckle turned into a snort. The snort turned into a guffaw.
This of course infuriated me even more! How dare he laugh at my pain, my ire, my, my, my dream! I was even more livid than before. He patted my head and shuffled back to bed. I was not sleepy and decided I would stay up and read.

Morning came and Kahuna got up innocent and sweet as normal. He came to the couch and asked if I would like a cup of coffee. I was still so angry that I couldn’t even look at him. We went through most of the day with me mad as a wet hen. I just couldn’t shake being angry. Finally by mid-afternoon I was able to let go of my anger. It was ridiculous that I was so angry because of my imagination. I couldn’t convince myself of that and stayed angry all day.

It took me some time but eventually I asked myself. What are you really angry about? Then I went for the throat. Are those thoughts true? Then I asked the really tough question. Who would I be without those thoughts? What next you ask well according to Byron Katie in her book “Loving What Is” it is turning that thought around. I am angry at myself because of… or I am angry because I was giving something to someone else. Then I understood it. I WAS the other woman in my dream. Kahuna wasn’t giving it to someone else he was giving something to ME. He was giving it to me who would appreciate and love it. I know that is all very deep, but how else do you decipher a stupid dream and the anger behind it?

The day ended with me and Kahuna curled up on the couch watching some mindless show on television. That was the jewel in the box. He was the jewel in the box.