There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")

The Flathead Beacon:

Police Blotter for the week ending 1-5-2010

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Heather Jurvis (comments by Gladys)

Wednesday 12/30/2009

3:29 a.m. What began as a routine traffic stop ended in a foot pursuit on Sweetgrass Ranch Road. The suspect was evidently wearing a puffy white jacket.

Why were the police chasing the Michilen Man? It was because of that horrible commercial wasn’t It?

11:20 a.m. A vehicle was reported as stolen from a residence on Harmony Road but later returned unharmed. The culprit evidently knew that pliers were needed to start the vehicle.

Um, because EVERYONE wants to steal a 1978 Gremlin that takes pliers to start?

I found this pic over at seriouswheels.com.  Yeah I would

take someone driving this serious, NOT.

5:40 p.m. Someone in Coram had a bit too much too drink and was attempting to hitchhike on Highway 2 East. Authorities gave him a ride home.
That was neighborly. I mean where I live they would have given him a ride to jail.

Thanks papazoo.com for this funny mugshot

6:20 p.m. A domestic pooch was caught in a coyote trap on Florence Acres Way. The trap was set in a completely legal location and manner. The dog was not properly contained.
Was the trap from Acme Coyote Traps?

3:00 a.m. Four drunken women fought with one another on Hathaway Lane. A male subject on the premises was arrested for disturbing the peace and obstructing a peace officer.
Was he selling tickets?

Thursday 12/31/2009

2:33 p.m. A man standing near an Evergreen box store appeared to be disoriented. Authorities arrived to find that the man had merely been having trouble lighting a cigarette.
That must have been some cigarette

Dave's not here man.

2:04 a.m. Two kids stole beer from a local grocery store. Authorities could not locate said juvenile beer thieves.
Duh, they couldn’t buy it so they stole it and you think they are going to drink it in the parking lot?
They should have had McLovin pay for it.

Monday 1/4/2010

1:53 a.m. A bunch of drunk people argued on Shady Lane.
This is news, why?

10:57 a.m. A man at a Columbia Falls bar apparently cannot accept that his relationship with a woman ended eight months ago. She reported him for stalking her.
Hey buddy, move on or get sober. Have you ever thought that your drunken controlling behavior is why it’s over?
1:00 p.m. Customers at a local auto dealership were taken aback when a panhandler arrived and began screaming at them. Authorities encouraged the man to take his medication.
Maybe HE took medication, it just wasn't his.
7:44 p.m. An individual attempted to leave the airport parking lot, only to find that his credit card didn’t work. The highly impatient drivers lined up behind him only served to escalate the disturbance.
Let me explain something. This is Flathead regional airport, it is not LAX or Dulles or even DFW. It is a small airport in a rural community. People are FRIENDLY to you at this airport, yes even the TSA officers are friendly. I’m not sure what the heck happened here, but I can say one thing those Montanians are cussing the Californicans for causing a traffic jam.