Just The Facts for the Week Ending 4/12/2010

There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")

The Flathead Beacon:

Police Blotter for the week ending 4-12-2010

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Heather Jurvis (comments by Gladys)



Thursday 4/1/2010

3:13 p.m. Deputies counseled the 8-year-old boy who allegedly bounced his 6-year-old brother’s head off the pavement outside their home. The child’s parents will continue to handle the situation.
Isn’t this what all siblings do? Bounce each other’s heads off the pavement? A couple of years ago Matilda and I took a Yoga class together. We were given the task of standing on our heads. Matilda told me she would hold my legs while I stood on my head, only she let go and I fell on my head. She said it reminded her of when I was younger.

5:37 p.m. An injured seagull was seen on the side of Highway 93. The report was passed on to Kalispell Police Department.
I see a couple of problems with this report. One is that the seagull is in MONTANA. Montana is not near the ocean. There is no sea, no beaches, no big waves. Second why was the police department notified? Did it commit a crime?

Tuesday 4/6/2010
9:15 a.m. A man on Harmony Road claims that his ex-wife took the riding lawn mower. The two will be resolving the civil issue on their own.
Here we go again. PEOPLE! YOU LIVE ON HARMONY ROAD! Try to get along!
Also and too, I have a vision of George Jones riding down the road on his lawn mower.

1:42 p.m. A yelling, screaming, intoxicated woman refused to leave a Hungry Horse residence. The disturbance was verbal only.
Was she sitting on a riding lawn mower?

Wednesday 4/7/2010

4:21 a.m. Someone on Mountain View Drive claims that his ex-girlfriend stole his puppy.
Man first she takes his John Deere then she takes his dog. This is sounding more and more like a Country and Western song.
11:46 a.m. Someone on Conn Road suspects a friend of stealing money from them.
Um, your first clue should have been you live on CONN road.

Thursday, 4/8/2010
9:27 a.m. A Whitefish resident called to report that someone might have tried to steal their hot tub.
If they stole it then it would be hot wouldn’t it? And didn’t they just make a movie about a hot tub?


5:41 p.m. Power lines fell into a hot tub in Whitefish.
Now that is a HOT tub!