Monday, May 25, 2009

Dear Gladys Replies

Thank all of you who have written into Dear Gladys. I will do my best to answer your intriguing and important questions. I do need to disclaim that the answers here are entirely of my own doing. I have not been coerced or influenced in any way. There is NOT a person standing behind me telling me what to say nor is there anyone but myself writing this advice. Also I accept no responsibility or reliability for any stupid or insane actions you might do because I merely ‘suggest’ it. Also I am not a doctor of psychology nor do I play one on TV.
Let’s get on with the advice dispensing.

Cher said...
Dear Dr. Gladys,
I tried and tried yesterday to come up with a good question or problem for you. I mean I had a good name picked out for whom the question would be from and everything...but I have no problems in my life. Every time my sleep apnea woke me up I tried to think of a problem that I could have and I couldn't. When my husband came home at 4:00 in the morning, smelling of booze, I asked him if he could think of any problems I might have and he couldn't of any either. When my son called from the county jail, I asked him too but nothing there either. Sorry to disappoint you but I'll enjoy other's problems. How's that?
Your faithful reader,
The Texas Woman

Dear Texas Woman,

Your life reminds me of an old country and western song. "Up against the wall..." oh wait wrong song. You know the one about "I was drunk the day my momma got out of prison, and I went to pick her up in the rain..." You live the perfect life. Keep up the good work. Oh and you know they have some new room spray that will mask that odor of cheap perfume and booze.

Mrs. 4444 writes:
Dear Gladys,
I have this friend who is addicted to reading blogs and poking around on the Internet. As a result, her house is a pigsty, and she has no money to pay for help. What should she do?Signed, The Friend Who Isn't Addicted to the Internet and Has a Spotless House

Dear Spotless,
The only thing I can suggest here is to definitely add to her blog roll by putting every blog on the internet on it. She will be forced to read every single blog on the internet until the trash and filth overtakes her home, her children go unfed and her dog unwashed. She will eventually come to the END of the internet or she will be featured on Dr. Phil and therefore be freed to go back to her usual hygienic happiness. You as her ‘friend’ can talk about her behind her back and make rude comments about your superior skills as a housekeeper, mother and dog owner. See it is a win/win situation for all.
Gladys


Bob said...
Dear Gladys, Is there anything to be done about runaway nose hair? If not, is there anything to be done with runaway nose hair?
Dear Hairy Nose,
You might try treating it better then it won't run away. I understand there are classes at Michaels on weaving nose hair into useful and artful projects such as jewelry and baskets.
You can also add some ear hair for a herringbone effect. So I believe the responsible and artful thing to do here is to let it grow. Like the song said “She asks me why I'm just a hairy guy I'm hairy noon and night Hair that's a fright I'm hairy high and lowDon't ask me whyDon't knowIt's not for lack of break Like the Grateful Dead Darling
Jaime said...
Dear Gladys:
I have no idea what to ask you...but when I come up with something, I’ll let you know.

Dear No Idea,
You don’t know what to ask because you are an attorney. You are usually the one giving advice and taking money. You just don’t know how to reverse the order. So just send me the money instead and take your own advice.


I will check the Dear Gladys post from time to time today and add more advice as it come in.

5 comments:

Meg Young said...

How FUN! I always get a kick out of every single post you write!

Congrats on the Lilly purchase! You can also find alot of stuff at TJ MAX and Marshalls for about 1/3 the price!

Hope you are enjoying your three day weekend, can't wait to see pictures of the dress!!!


(Hugs!)

Bob said...

That last picture helps explain Vinnie Barbarino's line from "Welcome Back, Kotter" line: "Up your nose with a rubber hose."

That nasal comb-over is an idea I can really use. Thanks!

Jaime said...

HA! i love it! so what's your billable rate for that great answer :)

Cher said...

Dear Dr. Gladys,

I tried and tried yesterday to come up with a good question or problem for you. I mean I had a good name picked out for whom the question would be from and everything...but I have no problems in my life.

Every time my sleep apnea woke me up I tried to think of a problem that I could have and I couldn't.

When my husband came home at 4:00 in the morning, smelling of booze, I asked him if he could think of any problems I might have and he couldn't of any either.

When my son called from the county jail, I asked him too but nothing there either.

Sorry to disappoint you but I'll enjoy other's problems. How's that?

Your faithful reader,
The Texas Woman

Anonymous said...

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Thanks