It was a tense moment. Susan had just refused to go fishing with Dave and the plot was thickening. Then I heard Falulah yelling something from upstairs that sounded like earthquake. Now why would she yell earthquake? I didn’t feel anything. I mean the pictures on the walls didn’t rattle. Oh wait there are no pictures on the walls. I took them down a year ago to paint then went to Montana without painting or hanging the pictures.
I settled back into my big fluffy bed pillows stretched my toes out and snuggled back into the crook of Kahuna’s arm. You see we were bed yachting last night. What you don’t know what bed yachting is? That is where you get something to drink, something to flip through like a fashion or sports magazine, you get snacks and dress in your most comfy pajamas then you pile on the bed with the remote in your hand and relax.
He looked down at me and said “what did she say?” I looked up at him and said “it sounded like she yelled earthquake.” He looked around and said “hum, I didn’t feel anything did you?” I wrapped my leg around his and snuggled in closer and said “I didn’t feel a thing.”
“Didn’t you guys feel that” Falulah asked. (As you can see my middle daughter does not have a southern accent. She in fact is Californian through and through so she has NO accent, therefore does not use y’all or ain’t.) “Feel what?” we answered in unison. “That earthquake” she exclaimed incredulous that we had not felt or even noticed anything. Kahuna is the earthquake police. We have to have shoes placed beside the bed in case of the “big one”. We also must have supplies on hand including but not limited to water, flash-lights and first aide kits. I always keep a spare bottle of vodka just in case. I mean if the big one hits I’m going to have a martini and find a place to relax. Really once an earthquake starts there isn’t much you can do except ride it out and see if you can catch the buzzer and win a saddle.
She stood in our bedroom doorway looking at the two of us laying in complete and total relaxation and laughed. “I can’t believe you didn’t feel that. I mean it was an earthquake” she smirked then turned and walked out the door. It wasn’t that we didn’t believe her or we thought she was maybe having a post hangover hallucination we just didn’t feel it. Kahuna switched stations and there it was big as daylight. Channel 4 news was on it. Dusty Trails or Trusty Dales or whatever that reporter’s name is was on the scene in Long Beach. The fire department was sweeping glass off the sidewalks and he was interviewing various people.
Now I need to tell you for the most part Californicans are immune to earthquakes. They are very nonchalant and unemotional over them. News reporters are a whole different story. They will milk this little 4.7 earthquake for a week. They began their report by stating that someone at a Starbucks was injured and transported to a nearby hospital. What? Did they spill hot coffee on themselves? Another woman was shaken up as she purchased groceries and items fell off the shelves towards her. Did they hit her? Was she bonked on the head by a stray bottle of olives? Now see if she would have had her emergency bottle of vodka, there was a martini in the making and she would not have been near as shaken up.
So I guess the point of this whole story is this. I missed the rest of my program. Who did Mike marry on Desperate Housewives? I think it was Susan. What do you think?