Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Just The Facts 9-29-2009


There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")
Heather Jurva
The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 9-29-09

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Heather Jurva (comments by Gladys)

Wednesday 9/23
10:33 a.m. Fish and Game contained a muskrat running wild on the Justice Center lawn.
Maybe it was just a case of Muskrat Love.







2:35 p.m. Someone evidently climbed the bell tower at a Columbia Falls school and cut the rope that held the bell. This perturbed school employees, who could no longer ring said bell.
Hey I think I know him. Was he yelling “Sanctuary, Sanctuary?”


8:38 p.m. A vehicle collided with a bear in Somers. The bear was not killed and quickly fled the scene.

Ok how can you NOT see a bear? Did it just appear? Did it jump out of a tree in front of your car?

8:51 p.m. Two boys shot a BB gun toward a home on Shady Lane. The youths were counseled and will exercise greater care in the future.
Was his name Ralphie? Was it a Red Ryder? Was he shooting at Black Bart?


8:52 p.m. A male subject at a local hotel called 9-1-1 to request a wake-up call.
Seriously? Did he order room service too?

3:52 p.m. Someone at a local motel informed authorities that he was lying on the grass and could not get up. The man had enjoyed large quantities of alcoholic beverages.
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That lends a whole new use to those Life Alert bracelets. “Help I’m drunk and I can’t get UP.”
Thursday 9/24

9:12 p.m. A cow bellowed continually for four hours in Bigfork. The caller evidently found this suspicious.

Isn’t that what cows do, bellow? Maybe it was lost.

1:44 a.m. A kid rode his bicycle down the middle of Highway 2 in Columbia Falls.
Ok are they calling because this kid is out at 1:44 in the A.M.? Or because he is riding down the Middle of Highway 2? Just so you know there is no traffic on Highway 2 at 1:44 in the A.M.

Friday 9/25

8:54 a.m. Someone on Elk Park Road noticed a suspicious figure wandering around the reporting party’s house. Authorities contacted the stranger, who explained that he was relieving himself in the woods after eating a dinner that upset his stomach.

Well that answers the question....does a suspicious figure shit in the woods. Evidently Yes.

11:09 p.m. What may have been a bear tipped over a garbage can on Big Mountain Road. Although the reporting party did not see the offender, the bags were split and garbage strewn about the yard.

It was Bigfoot.

Monday 9/28

7:59 a.m. Someone in Essex called to report that he had shot four grizzly bears, killing one. Authorities are investigating the claim.
He thinks they were grizzlies, maybe it was Bigfoot.

11:16 p.m. Someone in Bigfork reports seeing a subject with a lantern in the woods near her Bigfork home. Authorities could not locate anyone on the scene.

That Bigfoot is one elusive character.

2:18 a.m. A resident of Mountain View Drive heard a loud noise near her home. Authorities could not locate the source of the noise.
It was Bigfoot. You’d make loud noises too if someone shot you.

5 comments:

Jaime said...

damn that big foot. he's really wreaking havoc in your neighborhood

otin said...

That 911 call reminds me of the people who called 911 to report that they got the wrong order at McDonalds! lol!

Coffee Bean said...

So... did the stranger steal dead leaves to wipe himself with and is that a crime?

Lucy said...

Wow I had no idea about that.

♥ Braja said...

911 for a wake up call, sure....but who the HELL do you call around there for room service?????