Just The Facts 9-29-2009

There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")
Heather Jurva
The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 9-29-09

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Heather Jurva (comments by Gladys)

Wednesday 9/23
10:33 a.m. Fish and Game contained a muskrat running wild on the Justice Center lawn.
Maybe it was just a case of Muskrat Love.



2:35 p.m. Someone evidently climbed the bell tower at a Columbia Falls school and cut the rope that held the bell. This perturbed school employees, who could no longer ring said bell.
Hey I think I know him. Was he yelling “Sanctuary, Sanctuary?”

8:38 p.m. A vehicle collided with a bear in Somers. The bear was not killed and quickly fled the scene.

Ok how can you NOT see a bear? Did it just appear? Did it jump out of a tree in front of your car?

8:51 p.m. Two boys shot a BB gun toward a home on Shady Lane. The youths were counseled and will exercise greater care in the future.
Was his name Ralphie? Was it a Red Ryder? Was he shooting at Black Bart?

8:52 p.m. A male subject at a local hotel called 9-1-1 to request a wake-up call.
Seriously? Did he order room service too?

3:52 p.m. Someone at a local motel informed authorities that he was lying on the grass and could not get up. The man had enjoyed large quantities of alcoholic beverages.
-->
That lends a whole new use to those Life Alert bracelets. “Help I’m drunk and I can’t get UP.”
Thursday 9/24

9:12 p.m. A cow bellowed continually for four hours in Bigfork. The caller evidently found this suspicious.

Isn’t that what cows do, bellow? Maybe it was lost.

1:44 a.m. A kid rode his bicycle down the middle of Highway 2 in Columbia Falls.
Ok are they calling because this kid is out at 1:44 in the A.M.? Or because he is riding down the Middle of Highway 2? Just so you know there is no traffic on Highway 2 at 1:44 in the A.M.

Friday 9/25

8:54 a.m. Someone on Elk Park Road noticed a suspicious figure wandering around the reporting party’s house. Authorities contacted the stranger, who explained that he was relieving himself in the woods after eating a dinner that upset his stomach.

Well that answers the question....does a suspicious figure shit in the woods. Evidently Yes.

11:09 p.m. What may have been a bear tipped over a garbage can on Big Mountain Road. Although the reporting party did not see the offender, the bags were split and garbage strewn about the yard.

It was Bigfoot.

Monday 9/28

7:59 a.m. Someone in Essex called to report that he had shot four grizzly bears, killing one. Authorities are investigating the claim.
He thinks they were grizzlies, maybe it was Bigfoot.

11:16 p.m. Someone in Bigfork reports seeing a subject with a lantern in the woods near her Bigfork home. Authorities could not locate anyone on the scene.

That Bigfoot is one elusive character.

2:18 a.m. A resident of Mountain View Drive heard a loud noise near her home. Authorities could not locate the source of the noise.
It was Bigfoot. You’d make loud noises too if someone shot you.