Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Silver Wings Part Uheska (nine)

This is the next installment of Gladys in Little Bitty City. If you haven't been keeping up well tough titty you just have to go back and read starting with Silver Wings otherwise you will be lost as hell and won't know what I'm talking about. Oh Wait! That would be normal.

Gladys and Nancy followed Lurlene out the roll up door and into the parking lot. The heat and the humidity instantly over took the three. Lurlene’s bee-hive started to wilt, Gladys’ hair started to frizz on top of its frizz and Nancy looked as if someone had poured a bucket of water on her head. They made their way to the parking spot where the Camaro sat. Gladys handed the keys to Lurlene and said “it’s in the trunk. I don’t know what you are going to claim because it is DE-fective.” Lurlene tried to pat her hive back into place and then opened the trunk “well you didn’t take out the LDW and there was NOTHING wrong with the Yugo!” Gladys took a deep cleansing breath but before she could let it out Nancy said “Woowean, wet it go. Why are you so mad?” The woman spun around and glared at Nancy who instinctively jutted out her chin and put her hands on her hips “knock it off Woowean. You stop it right now!” Lurlene started to say something then thought better of it and started taking pictures of the tire.

“Where is this mini-van?” Gladys inquired as she leaned over Lurlene with her own camera and took pictures. She walked around the car and took pictures of the tires, the doors, the bumpers and the interior just in case Lurlene decided to try and claim something else on the insurance. Lurlene stopped her picture taking and barked “what are YOU doing?” Gladys looked around to see who she was grumbling at then realized she was talking to her. “I am taking pictures of the car. I want to make sure you don’t try and claim that these scrapes and dents were mine. I took pictures of it when I picked it up too so I have evidence.” Lurlene narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips “so are you sayin you are gonna sue us or something?” Gladys looked at Lurlene and saw fear “no I’m saying I’m protecting myself from vindictive people.” Gladys got into the driver’s seat and fired the car up she took a picture of the gas gauge and the odometer, then shut the car off and handed the keys back to Lurlene. She then realized that she didn’t feel Nancy clinging to her anymore and started looking for her. “Ober here Annie! I’m ober herah” Gladys heard her call. She looked across the parking lot and saw the little girl sitting in her car seat in the backseat of a new mini-van. “Nancy, I don’t think that’s our car” Gladys called back. “Yeah it is. See, I aweady in my seat. Can we go now, I don’t like it hera.” Gladys pasted the best smile she could muster on her face and tried to regulate her tone as she turned and asked Lurlene “are we done here? I mean I have things to do and I need to be in Nowhereville tomorrow.” Lurlene pulled the picture from the Polaroid Instamatic Swinger and blew on the print. She looked at the developing picture and said “yeah, I guess we are done. That van has a DVD player in it. DVD’s don’t come with it; you have to have your own. Bring it back full of gas. Now I can have this tire changed out and you can git the Camaro back tomorrow.” Gladys shook her head and said “nope, I’m not changing cars again unless this one blows up. I have to be in Nowhereville tomorrow, then I am going to Cooterville after that. I won’t have time to bring the car back until I fly out of here next week.”

Lurlene glared at Gladys and shook her head “fine, suit yourself, if I had a choice I’d take the Camaro.” She turned and walked back into the terminal. Gladys lugged her belongings from the black car to the big red van. She looked the van over from front to back. She took pictures of every tire, gauge and panel. Then she spotted a scrape on the rear wheel fender and told Nancy they had to go inside and document the scrapes. Nancy rolled her eyes and said “Woorwean ain’t gonna wike dat.” The dynamic duo marched up to the kiosk and Gladys cleared her throat. Lurlene turned and said “What do you want now?” Gladys breathed deep gauged her tone and said “there are some pretty nasty scrapes on the back driver’s wheel fender of the van. I want to document that before we pull out of the parking lot.” Lurlene grabbed her clipboard and studied a piece of paper. “Don’t say that there are any scratches nor nothing on this sheet.” Gladys didn’t hesitate she just switched on her digital camera and pointed the screen towards Lurlene “see they are right there. I have not even put the key in the ignition and I want it documented that I didn’t cause those.” Lurlene wrinkled her nose and looked at the screen “I don’t see nuthin.” Gladys turned the camera so she could see the picture and pointed to the scrapes “right there. See them along the wheel well? It looks like white paint.” Lurlene squinted her eyes and shook her head “nope not seein anything.” Gladys restrained herself from knocking Lurlene to the ground and banging her bee-hive into the stained concrete floor. She instead took a deep breath and started speaking really low and slow “then get up of your big bee-hive wearing hick-ass and come out here and look at it.” Lurlene squinted her eyes and leaned over Gladys “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY?” Gladys pulled all five feet two inches up as big as she could get and said “I said for you to get up off your big bee-hive wearing hick-ass and go look for yourself. Do you have a problem with that or with me?”

“I’ve got this Lurlene” Gladys heard another voice say from behind her. Gladys turned to see Ms. Kat standing there. “Ms. Gladys I’ll document the scrapes. You just go on. I hope everything works out well for you. You have a save trip and again I apologize for any inconvenience.” Gladys a little ashamed and a whole lot embarrassed at losing her cool turned to Lurlene and said “Lurlene, I am sorry that I insulted you. That was not very mature of me. I hope you will accept my apology.” Lurlene starred at Gladys and said “look I don’t like you and you don’t like me let’s just let it go at that cause I ain’t apologizing to nobody.” Gladys nodded her head then thanked Ms. Kat once again and started out the door. Nancy ran to catch up and grabbed Gladys’ hand then turned just as they went out the roll up door into the withering heat and said to Lurlene “BITCH!” Gladys sucked in a gasp then stifled a laugh and said “Nancy that wasn’t very nice. That is a naughty word.” Nancy stopped put her hands on her hips and said “I jest tellin de twuth, Annie.”


LisaPie said...

All I have to say is Lurlene is really lucky it was you and not me. I am entering "The Change" as they say, and find that my patience level and tolerance for morons is at about zero.

You should feel proud you showed as much restraint as you did!

Gladys said...

Lisa Pie- out of the mouths of babes comes the truth.

Bob said...

Yup,a twuer wuhd wuz nebber spoken.