Just The Facts 9-29-2009

There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")
Heather Jurva
The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 9-29-09

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Heather Jurva (comments by Gladys)

Wednesday 9/23
10:33 a.m. Fish and Game contained a muskrat running wild on the Justice Center lawn.
Maybe it was just a case of Muskrat Love.



2:35 p.m. Someone evidently climbed the bell tower at a Columbia Falls school and cut the rope that held the bell. This perturbed school employees, who could no longer ring said bell.
Hey I think I know him. Was he yelling “Sanctuary, Sanctuary?”

8:38 p.m. A vehicle collided with a bear in Somers. The bear was not killed and quickly fled the scene.

Ok how can you NOT see a bear? Did it just appear? Did it jump out of a tree in front of your car?

8:51 p.m. Two boys shot a BB gun toward a home on Shady Lane. The youths were counseled and will exercise greater care in the future.
Was his name Ralphie? Was it a Red Ryder? Was he shooting at Black Bart?

8:52 p.m. A male subject at a local hotel called 9-1-1 to request a wake-up call.
Seriously? Did he order room service too?

3:52 p.m. Someone at a local motel informed authorities that he was lying on the grass and could not get up. The man had enjoyed large quantities of alcoholic beverages.
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That lends a whole new use to those Life Alert bracelets. “Help I’m drunk and I can’t get UP.”
Thursday 9/24

9:12 p.m. A cow bellowed continually for four hours in Bigfork. The caller evidently found this suspicious.

Isn’t that what cows do, bellow? Maybe it was lost.

1:44 a.m. A kid rode his bicycle down the middle of Highway 2 in Columbia Falls.
Ok are they calling because this kid is out at 1:44 in the A.M.? Or because he is riding down the Middle of Highway 2? Just so you know there is no traffic on Highway 2 at 1:44 in the A.M.

Friday 9/25

8:54 a.m. Someone on Elk Park Road noticed a suspicious figure wandering around the reporting party’s house. Authorities contacted the stranger, who explained that he was relieving himself in the woods after eating a dinner that upset his stomach.

Well that answers the question....does a suspicious figure shit in the woods. Evidently Yes.

11:09 p.m. What may have been a bear tipped over a garbage can on Big Mountain Road. Although the reporting party did not see the offender, the bags were split and garbage strewn about the yard.

It was Bigfoot.

Monday 9/28

7:59 a.m. Someone in Essex called to report that he had shot four grizzly bears, killing one. Authorities are investigating the claim.
He thinks they were grizzlies, maybe it was Bigfoot.

11:16 p.m. Someone in Bigfork reports seeing a subject with a lantern in the woods near her Bigfork home. Authorities could not locate anyone on the scene.

That Bigfoot is one elusive character.

2:18 a.m. A resident of Mountain View Drive heard a loud noise near her home. Authorities could not locate the source of the noise.
It was Bigfoot. You’d make loud noises too if someone shot you.

Foster Brooks Failure

Remember that guy Foster Brooks? No not the sunglass guy that is Foster Grant. Foster Brooks was an actor who used to show up on the Dean Martin Roast. He acted like he was falling down drunk and was hilarious. I mean who doesn’t like to laugh at an obnoxious drunk. Ok, well he was popular BEFORE we all became politically correct. Well while my story has nothing to do with being falling down drunk it does have to do with feeling like a bum.




Hi my name is Gladys I would like to volunteer as a foster home. I would prefer a small dog” I said to the woman who answered the phone. She waited a few minutes and then replied “well we need foster homes that is for sure. Let me get some information from you.” This is how my conversation started. It sounded positive enough. I mean here I was doing something good for poor little orphaned puppies. I didn’t even mind if the dog was a senior citizen. I just wanted to foster a dog that had lost his or her home and family.

The lady on the other end of the telephone line asked “now do you have any other animals?” I told her that I indeed had two dogs. She then asked what breeds and if they were socialized.

See how socialized she is?

I assured her that they were and while they were big dogs they really didn’t mind small dogs at all. She wanted to know their ages and sex and how often they were walked.

Hey Mom, are we getting a playmate?

Then she asked me the question that did me in. She wanted to know about our home. “Well, we live in a barn so animals in the house are no problem.” There was silence on the other end of the line. Is it still called a telephone line? I mean since it is wireless. Shouldn’t I say on the other end of the wireless? That sounds so World War II British doesn’t it? I digress. (Imagine that)
“What do you mean you live in a barn” she asked. “Well our house is a barn turned into a house. Oh but we never used it as a barn it was just the structure was an actual barn structure that was made to be a house” I bumbled and stumbled on “so you see it’s durable and stuff.” There was an uncomfortable silence on the phone. I did the only thing I know to do when there is an uncomfortable silence I began rambling and making no sense with “you see about 30 years ago my husband found this piece of property. It is 10 acres did I tell you that? Anyway he and his brother drew up the plans for two houses that looked like barns but they made them houses.” Finally the lady on the on the other end of the wireless said “is it fenced?” I didn’t understand the question, was what fenced? The house? The ten acres? The barn? “Um no it’s wood” I answered. “NO the yard. The ten acres, is it fenced?”

It was my turn to create an uncomfortable silence. I wondered what difference did it make if it is fenced or not since I was looking for a small house dog. “No, it’s not fenced and that is why I wanted to foster a small dog” I explained. “I’m sorry your not foster material” Ms. Dog Nazi announced. “I don’t understand. I have a kennel, you know one of those big dog run type kennels and I wouldn’t let it out by itself. Goodness graces no. I mean we do live on ten acres and we have coyotes. That is what happened to my last dog. The coyotes got him. Heck I can’t even keep a cat up here because they carry them off too.” Then I realized I had said too much. Dang it! Why can’t I learn to keep my mouth shut?

“Well we just can’t accept you for a foster family. You have no fenced yard” Ms. Dog Nazi said again. I was scrambling by this time because on Pet-finders this rescue facility had a picture of a dog that spoke to me. She needed me. I saw it in her eyes and my heart broke for her.

There are eyes in there somewhere

I wanted to foster her and if not foster her well maybe… “Well then can I adopt a specific dog?” Again silence on the other end of the wireless. I could practically hear her eyes rolling into the top of her head. I am sure she was banging her head on her desk. She was making a gun from her thumb and forefinger pantomiming shooting herself in the temple. Then she cleared her throat and said “ma’am I can’t help you. You are simply unfit as a foster or even for adoption. I suggest you fence your yard then we might consider you.” Then she hung up. I sat there holding my phone in my hand feeling like a total failure.

I guess I’m going to have to go to the hardware store and buy some chicken wire. Hey she didn’t say WHAT type of fence.

I may not be able to be a foster for a animal right now but you can, well if you have a fenced yard. Think about it. There are lots of pets who have lost their homes when their owners lost theirs.

Gladys has Hellish Random Thoughts

s Friday again which of course means that Mrs. 4444 over at Half Past Kissing Time is up to her Friday Fragments. That is where you go over and link up your fragmented thoughts to her fragmented thoughts and everyone gets to read all of the fragments. Let me tell you I always thought that my mind wandered. It is also the day that Ann over at Ann Again and Again has her Virtual Girls Night Out. Hey Ann when are we going to have a REAL Girl’s Night Out?
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Let me share my week with you. It is hotter than hell here in Southern California this week. I know this because Satan won’t vacation here, it’s too hot.

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I have suffered with an aching back for about a month now. I am not sure what is causing it other than old age. I know it must be old age because I’m complaining to all 7 of my faithful readers. Any I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled for something totally unrelated. Now let me tell you about my doctor. She is amazing. No really AMAZING. She is not just a cardiologist, pulmonologist and internal medicine doctor she is also clairvoyant and magical. When I say magical I mean she is downright spooky. Anyway I didn’t feel well that morning, again totally unrelated to the reason for my appointment. I had a really bad headache and was a bit dizzy. So I arrive for my appointment and am ushered into the exam room within seconds of my arrival. I told you she is magical. I am seated in the room and the nurse takes my vitals and asks how I am feeling. I tell her I have a bit of a headache.
Dr. Enchanted immediately appears. We chat for a few minutes when she gets up and tells me to open my mouth. She takes her little flashlight and shines it in my mouth and I instinctively say “ahhh”. She asks “how long has your lower back been hurting?” Now how the heck did she know about my back? I didn’t mention it to the nurse, I hadn’t told her, heck I’m not even sure I told Kahuna my back hurt. She had my tongue between her fingers then said “you have a sinus infection and you’re anemic again.” Wait all she did was look at my tongue. When she let go of my tongue I asked “how did you know my back hurt, that I have a sinus infection and I’m anemic.” She pulled my lower lid down and shined her light in my eye and said “from your tongue. If you want a second opinion, your eyes just confirmed it.” I do indeed have a sinus infection. Blood test confirmed anemia and I’ll be darned how she knew my back hurt from my tongue. That is why I say she is magical. ********************************************************************************

I overheard this conversation at the beach.
Surfer 1: Yeah Dude, last week when we were gone up to Big Sur we gave our neighbor a key to our house so she could feed the cat. Man she cleaned our house. It was like spotless. The whole friggin house was spotless.
Surfer 2: Dude how dirty was your house that your neighbor couldn’t stand it and cleaned it?
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Girl Surfer about to go into water to Boy Surfer coming out of water:
Is the water cold?
Boy Surfer:
Naw, I was able to pee without any problems.

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One homeless guy to another:
Hey did you sleep here last night?
Homeless Guy #2: Naw I like to sleep closer to Starbucks. Didn’t you know it’s pumpkin latte time again?

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I am once again headed to the beach where it is a bit cooler. It is in the 90's not 110 like it is inland. What are you doing this weekend? Are you picking out pumpkins? Are you decorating your house for Halloween? Maybe your cleaning out your gutters. While your in your warm sweaters and sipping hot apple cider just remember I’ll be sunning my self in the warm sand, wearing flip flops and bathing suits. I know some of us lead a blessed life, you decide which it is.
Now remember be good to one another.
Thoughts become things.

Dressin Gaudy

As I have mentioned before I’m from Texas. One of the great past times in Texas is shopping. Not just any shopping but shopping for the wildest, brightest, blingingest, gaudiest items that can be had. I admit even though I am a long time Californica resident that big haired, lots of rhinestones, too much jewelry Texican trait has never left me. I love to bling, shine and pop.
There is a store in Branson, Missouri called Dressin Gaudy. Okay people in Tyler, Texas and Longview, Texas calm down you have them too but more people are drawn to Branson. I mean after all they have The Dolly Parton Stampede (that creates a visual) and Yakov Smirnoff and that fiddle guy. So this store carries some of the greatest gaudiest clothes ever. They are not ashamed of it they put it right there on their sign and on their very own label. They shout it to the world. They scream it from the rooftops. They print it on their shirts. The other thing about this store is that it is visited most often by, how do I put this delicately, women of a certain age. They are what I would call an “old lady” store, of which I am one… “old lady” that is.
On a recent trip back east I went to afore-mentioned store. I salivated over blinged out tops and rhinestoned belts. I fondled big gaudy necklaces and tried on beaded up cowgirl boots. I paraded around in sequined pumpkin embossed sweaters and tied my waist with beaded sashes. Then I saw it. The holy grail of gaudiness. The icon of blingedness. The mecca of metalics, a pair of sunglasses that was screaming my name. They had everything a girl could ask for bling, animal print and big Jackie O frames. It was the only thing I purchased that day. I snatched them up and bought them on the spot. I really didn’t need another pair of sunglasses; but I really wanted them.
The reason I’m telling you about this is that I have misplaced them. I put them down somewhere and I can’t remember where. I remember wearing them to the bank. I remember having them last week. I remember what they looked like and how they felt; but for the life of me I don’t know what I did with them.
So if you see a banker wearing a pair of zebra print blinged out with a fleur de lis design on the temple sunglasses, please knock him upside the head and send my sunglasses back to me. Otherwise I will have to make a trek back to Branson, Missouri and listen to Up Up With People again.

Just The Facts For the Week Ending 9-22-09

There are a million stories in the city.
Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.
"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."
The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 9-22-09
A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Julius Macker (Comments by Gladys).

Wednesday 9/16

8:17 a.m. Highway 2 East in Coram was partially blocked by a scattered bale of hay.HEY! If it was scattered then how was it blocking the road? .

12:05 p.m. A drum set taken from a Mission Drive home turned out to be the subject of a civil issue.

Were they taken because they wanted to play them or wanted them NOT to play them?
5:16 p.m. A semi load of crushed cars leaned precariously on Highway 2 East
I have heard of the leaning tower of Pisa but not the leaning tower of crushed cars.

5:25 p.m. Someone in a vehicle with Washington license plates cut off a semi truck and proceeded to gesture obscenely toward the driver.

See above

8:49 p.m. Someone stuffed a just-killed turkey into a mailbox on KM Ranch Road. The reporting party saw a vehicle drive away but could not identify a suspect.

In New York the Mob puts a horse head in your bed. In Montana they stuff a turkey in your mailbox.
Thursday 9/17

2:06 p.m. Reports of a “man down” in Whitefish turned out to be a case of a simple leg cramp.

All I can think of is Monty Python's Black Knight...It's merely a flesh wound.

2:42 p.m. An officer shut her finger in a door at the Flathead County Detention Center.
I guess that detained her for awhile, or that is a good way to detain someone.

3:46 p.m. A vehicle hit a moose on Highway 2 near Glacier Park. No individuals were harmed in the crash.

Did anyone think to ask the moose?

3:49 p.m. A carburetor was stolen from a car at a local automotive shop.
Hey Fred you wanna steal this here car? Naw I got a car but hey I could use that carburetor.

4:57 p.m. A resident of Whitefish Stage Road called to report that his sister was currently on his property but had not been invited. The reporting party is currently in Las Vegas and was informed of the situation by a concerned neighbor.

Is Gladys Kravitz his neighbor? I mean honestly your sitting in the Bellagio putting your last five dollar bill in the penny slot machine and your cell phone goes off. Lucky you it’s your neighbor Gladys Kravitz.

8:52 p.m. Authorities trapped a bear on Griz Lane.
Hey I think I know why they named the street that.

9:22 p.m. Someone saw what was described as a “big fireball” in the sky on the north side of Hash Mountain. Although the reporting party believed it to be an aircraft, all planes in the area were fully accounted for and all was well. .

Are you sure that wasn’t hashish mountain?

11:04 p.m. A dead deer obstructed Highway 93.

Something tells me it was formally a life deer obstructing Highway 93 then the leaning tower of crushed vehicles came along and well you can figure out the rest.

11:50 p.m. A dead deer obstructed Foys Canyon Road.

Looks like the leaning tower of crushed cars was here too.
Friday 9/18

2:05 p.m. Gunshots rang out in the Happy Valley area, along with the sounds of angry yelling and screaming. Authorities responded but could not locate the source of the noise.
It doesn’t sound like Happy Valley was very happy...
Monday 9/21

7:18 a.m. A dead deer was removed from Birch Grove Road.
Once again the leaning tower of crushed cars has left carnage in it’s wake.

9:19 a.m. A mama bear and her three cubs wandered about on Hidden Valley Drive.
Doesn’t sound like they were hidden.

10:41 a.m. Two youths spotted a bear on Spotted Bear Road. The creature was reportedly wreaking havoc in the yard.
Imagine that a bear on Spotted Bear Road. I wonder if it was spotted?

11:22 a.m. After a night of partying at a local bar, a man was driven home in his own truck by another individual. The driver then apparently wrecked the vehicle and stole the reporting party’s motorbike from the back of the truck.
Wasn’t there a movie like this? If not maybe Quinton Tarantino needs to make one.

4:12 p.m. Two individuals, one man and one woman, stood in a Shady Lane yard and yelled at the homeowner. Although the reporting party claimed not to know them, the argument was later found to be a civil issue.

That doesn’t sound very civil to me.

10:13 p.m. A resident of Pickleville Lane in Somers saw two male subjects outside her window. Her husband chased them away, and they did not return.
I guess they figured they were in a pickle.

Gladys and The Terrorist

I just read about the shuttle driver who was arrested as a terrorist, honestly aren’t they all? Terrorist? The shuttle drivers I mean. They throw you in the back of a van squeeze you between 40 other people then drive like a Tijuana taxi to the airport where they come to a screeching halt in front of the gate located 40 miles from the gate of which you are flying. The terrorist then throws your bags on the curb and all that is left is the puff of diesel infused smoke and soot. Isn’t that terrorism in and of itself? Oh and let’s not forget they want, nay, expect a tip for this.

Reading this I began remembering and when I begin to remember then you are all in for another one of my stories. Yes I even have a terrorist story. It happened a couple of years after 9-11, it was in fact the week after the Challenger had exploded upon re-entry. There was still fear and speculation that it might have been an Al Qaeda plot. I was on my way to a convention in Chicago. I boarded the plane and had a fairly uneventful flight. Well once I got on the plane that is. I had to first stand in line at security for 3 hours. Then once I took my place in front of the metal detector/colonoscopy machine I was told I was marked for additional screening. The TSA officer took me aside and waved his wand up and down my barefooted body which commenced to singing like a nightingale. Now being a woman who thinks ahead and preparing for the much colder climate I had dressed in layers. First Mr. TSA said “Ma’am could you remove your jacket?” I did as I was asked and his wand once again passed over my body. It was louder now more like a meadow lark. He looked me up and down and said “Ma’am would you please remove your sweater?” I of course complied and removed my sweater. I told you I was preparing for MUCH colder weather and I had been told Chicago in February was cold. He once again passed the wand over my torso and it once again screeched like a crow. He looked at me then he looked around the concourse and said “Ma’am I’m going to have to ask you to step behind this panel.” I also looked up and down the concourse now standing in less clothing than I began. I agreed and stepped behind the screen. He then informed me he would have to frisk me. “WHAT?” I cried. “Why? Can’t you just wave your wand around and see what’s causing it to go off like that?” Mr. TSA was non-plussed. He was an older gentleman and said in a fatherly way “Ma’am its just procedure.” I stood there in the small cubical and tried applying the stink-eye. Mr. TSA wasn’t budging. Then I had a stroke of genius and decided to try and bargain “How about I take off my turtleneck. I have on a camisole and you can see that I am not concealing anything.” Mr. TSA tried not to look lecherous and said “well if you think that will help” as he waited for me to squeeze my head from my sweater. There I stood in my camisole arms outstretched as he once again passed the apparatus over my torso. It was no longer singing or screeching now it was reverberating with a high tenor squeal that set dogs to barking 15 miles away. It was now Mr. TSA’s turn to give me the stink-eye. I felt like the Elephant Man only I would be shouting “I AM NOT A TERRORIST, I AM A HUMAN BEAN”. +
I was now beside myself with fear and frustration. What if I really was a terrorist and didn’t know it. I mean what if I was like that guy who killed his wife in his sleep or something. I stood frozen in time then I remembered what I should have remembered in the first place. I had underwires. Yes I was wearing a bra with metal stays. I rolled my eyes and did the one magic trick every woman can do, I undid my bra slid my arms out of it and placed it on the table. Mr. TSA stood there mouth agape. “Now try it” I commanded. He whisked the metal detector over my torso once again and it was quiet as a church mouse. Oh and why are church mice quieter than say a library mouse? Are they afraid to speak or lightening and pestilence will rain down on them? I digress.

I finally boarded the plane and headed northwardly to the big city of Chi-town. Well you all know that Chicago is my kind of town, Chicago is… oh wait maybe its Frank Sinatra’s kind of town. So I land at O’Hare airport which is in and of itself the size of a small African nation. I make my way to the taxi stand and hail a cab. I felt so urban. I felt so citified. I felt so let down when it wasn’t one of those cool round yellow monstrosities that you see in old movies when someone hails a cab. No instead it was either a Buick La Saber or a Chevy Impala. It stunk like old sweat and the meter was running the second I entered along with my 47 pounds of clothes and two suitcases. The driver asked my destination and I informed him of not only the name of the hotel but also the most direct route. I was not going to be taken on a wild ride just to run up the fare. What I didn’t know was my direct route was also the most congested route. Mr. Taxi happy to comply put the car in gear and we sped at breakneck speed into stopped traffic. He maneuvered through the crowd with a skill that I can only describe as “threading the needle” We finally crept through the tall buildings and were within blocks from my destination when Mr. Taxi turned left in front of a car that was going straight. I saw the car but had no where to go. I sucked all of the sweaty stale air right out of the cab. I know I did because it actually caved one side completely in and rendered the vehicle undriveable. I looked up to make sure Mr. Taxi was alright only it seemed the cab had been driving itself. I scooted to the opposite side of the vehicle as gawker’s and good Samaritans came to my aide. I searched the crowd for Mr. Taxi but he was not to be found. Then the police arrived and they surveyed the situation. They looked over the other car and driver and one large officer dressed in a puffy coat came to stand beside me. “Were you driving this car?” he asked while taking out a pad and pen. “No sir. I was in the backseat. I am on my way to the Plaza Hotel and I saw the car coming at us then the next thing I knew there was a screech and a big bang and no driver.” The policeman smacked his gum looked around at the crowd then back at me “did you see which way he ran?” I looked up at him trying not to shiver from cold and fear and replied “I think he just disappeared into thin air.” The policeman rolled his eyes looked at his partner as if to say help. “Hey Marty, we got another invisible cab driver. She says the driver disappeared into thin air.” I don’t know if they ever found the driver but I gave the officer my information and where I was staying. He then looked at my shivering southern self and said “do you know where your hotel is?” I told him that I did not, that I had never been to Chicago before and was not thinking it was someplace I wanted to return if they had something that sucked cab drivers right up out of their seats who was next? He smirked and said “Hey Marty, you wanna we take this lady to her hotel?” So I arrived to the Plaza in a blue and white with Marty and Stan as my escorts. Who said I don’t know how to make an entrance.

I was at the convention a couple of days when I got a call from my daughter who was in college. She left a message on my cell phone in hysterics. The message made no sense but I was able to make out that there had been an accident; duh I know I was there. She then went on blubbering about going to the hospital and needing to talk to me. I wondered for just an instance why she would be in Chicago looking for me in a hospital. Then I realized she didn’t mean me. She meant she had been in an accident. I hit speed dial and she answered after the 15th ring. “WHAT ACCIDENT?” I cried. She blubbered and sniffed and said “Mom I got broadsided on my way to school.” Now here is the really spooky part. She got hit at exactly the same time that the cab I was riding in was hit. She had been trying to get hold of me for two days but because I was on Cheapo-Cellular and she couldn’t remember the name of my hotel she couldn’t tell me about it. I did my mommy rundown of “are you hurt? Is your car totaled? Were you wearing clean underwear?” She said yes to all, well she was wearing clean underwear BEFORE the accident. I told her I would catch the next available flight out and would come take care of her.
I called the airlines and moved my departure to that afternoon. I went to the front desk of the Plaza and told them my situation and they were nice as they could be. They refunded the remainder of my stay. I asked the desk clerk to call me a taxi. She looked at me and said “Okay lady if that’s what you want. You’re a taxi. Now would you like us to have our town car take you to the airport? No charge to you.” I was elated not to have to ride with a disappearing cabbie and agreed hastily. I stuffed my suitcases full of my belongings, bid farewell to my co-workers and met the town car at the cabbie stand.

There waiting was a large Middle Eastern man stuffed into a chauffer’s suit and cap. He looked like a sausage with a cap. He heaved my bags into the trunk and slammed it shut. I climbed in the backseat anxious to get home and attend to my child. I didn’t care that she was legally an adult she was still my baby and she was ailing. I fidgeted a bit as we sped towards the expressway. Mr. Bin Laden, as his license named him, began asking me what I thought of Mr. Bush, our president at the time. I mumbled something about him being just that “our” president. Then he began telling me that 9-11 was actually caused by Mr. Bush. That he instructed the U.S. Military to fly those planes into the World Trade Center. He went on to say he was happy, yes HAPPY that it happened and would now expose Americans for the infidels they are. Um, excuse me Mr. Bin Laden, but you happen to have one of those infidels in your speeding vessel full of flammable and explodable gasoline. I began to fidget more. I shifted from one side of the seat to the other looking for a possible escape route. Would it hurt to jump out of a vehicle moving at 75 or 80 miles per hour? Then I looked at the other traffic and wondered if Mr. Joe Schmoe average driver could brake fast enough not to run over my rolling body once I did jump. I was imagining Mr. Bin Laden with TNT strapped to the undercarriage of the vehicle and driving it right into the airport and hitting the button. All that would be left would be some chin whiskers, mine of course, and his chauffeurs cap.

I saw the airport sign and started to gather belongings. All I wanted to do was exit his vehicle and get out of Chicago. I wanted to hold my child and make sure she was okay. I grabbed my ticket and blurted out “hey don’t forget my gate is C-17 and that’s the next exit.” He squinted into the rearview mirror and said “yes, yes I see. So you see how it is all the fault of Mr. Bush?” Now I took lots of psychology classes and lived with a psychopath so I did what I knew to do and said “well of course. It was all Mr. Bush’s fault. He is a trader! Go ISLAM! Sadaam Rocks!” The car barely came to a stop and I literally sprang from the seat before Mr. Bin Laden could open my door. He started to hand my bags to the Sky Cap and I grabbed another Sky Cap. “That man is a terrorist” I hissed into Mr. Sky Cap’s ear. He looked at me and then he looked at Mr. Bin Laden and back to me “Yes ma’am ALL of the shuttle driver’s are terrorist.” I grabbed Mr. Sky Cap by his lapels and through clenched teeth said “NO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. HE IS A REAL LIFE TERRORIST! GO GET TSA!” He ushered me through the big double doors and I turned as I entered the security line to be strip searched only see Mr. Bin Laden speed off from the curb.

Gladys has Random Fire Thoughts 9-18-09

It is time yet again for Friday Fragments over at Mrs. 4444’s Half Past Kissing Time.

It also means Ann At Ann Again and Again is hosting her VGNO. It's Pink Friday for the Race for the Cure. My oh my where did the week go? It is true what they say that the older you get the faster time goes. At this rate I’ll be 90 next week. I strongly urge you to go over and read Cher at The Texas Woman as she is in the midst of her battle with the big "C". Go lend her your support and tell her Gladys sent you.


Today I’m going totally random. Nothing really relates to anything else and well honestly it is just how my mind works.

READ THE BOTTLE!


Red Play-dough does not taste like cherries, I’m just sayin.

You will however have little turds that look like cherries.
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On that same note,

Green Apple Crayons do not taste like green apple Jolly Ranchers.
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I know most people think that spring is allergy season. Well let me tell you here in the Great Southwest it is just as bad in the fall. I mean we don’t have the maple leaves turning that beautiful shade of burnt orange like my shag carpet. No we have mountain sage and cedar that tends to break loose with the Santa Ana winds that whisk through the canyons blowing fires from here to there causing all of us to be red eyed and drippy nosed.
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I one time sneezed so hard I broke my nose. Ok the sneeze didn’t break my nose it was my face hitting the bathroom sink. Thank goodness I didn’t break the sink.
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In that same venue it is HIGH fire season here in the Southwest. We have had ZERO rain in more than six months. So explain to me why they are mowing the highway right-of-ways. You know how it goes one minute you putting along on your John Deere and the next the whole damn place is up in flames.
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Another fire question because after all we just experienced one of the biggest fires in Southern California. Why do people think it is okay to drive along the drought stricken bone dry roads smoking cigarettes and flicking their ashes and their butts out the window? I have seen this repeatedly over the last several weeks. Don’t they know that only YOU can prevent forest or desert fires?
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Some fashion advice. If your toes hang over the end of your flip flops more than a toes length…Go buy bigger shoes. Same goes for the heel. If your heel hangs over the back of your shoe and your toes hang over the other end chances are you have on your 3 year old’s flip flops.
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This weeks overheard took place in the bathroom at the airport.
Woman exiting stall to see another woman and a twelve year old boy standing waiting to go in:
Lady if your son is old enough to shave then he is old enough to go to the men’s room by himself.
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Now for some random pictures….

Dreamboat?

Relief is just a touch and a pull my finger away

Now if there is a fire which car is this firetruck going to take out?

My whole dinning room smells like Hawaii

Now go have a great weekend. I am heading to the beach away from the hot sandy winds. What are you doing? Let me know. Now go be good to one another.

Remember that thoughts become things.

Trooper Bob Can You Tell Me How To Get To Seasame Street?

Many of my long time readers have read some of the earlier Chronicles of Trooper Bob if not you can go to my sidebar and click on the Chronicles of Trooper Bob and they are there for your entertainment. I haven’t written any Trooper Bob stories in some time and thought I would take this opportunity to reintroduce you to the wit and wisdom that is Trooper Bob.

It was a hot and humid South Texas day. The older Texas State trooper was seated at the desk going through young Trooper Bob’s paperwork. “Now see Bob, this should have been a form 3343 not a 3357. They don’t like it none when they git the wrong report up there in Austin” Homer declared while he shuffled through the paperwork. “I reckon it’ll be awhight though. You backed it up with a 1740 and that should do it for em” he continued as the door to the office opened and a blast of wet hot air filled the room. Bob put his chair legs back on the ground from where he had been balancing on just the back two and looked at the figure standing in the doorway. Homer spit some tobacco juice in the cup on his desk and looked back at the paperwork.

The large rotund visitor in a seersucker suit mopped his brow with his handkerchief and stomped toward the desk. Trooper Bob stood up hand on gun ready to back up his mentor. The man looked around the small office located in the basement of the county courthouse and said in his Boston accent “Is this the depahtment of pahblic sahftee?” Homer chewed his plug of Redman and replied “yup.” The visitor reached in his suit coat and removed a large folded paper. Trooper Bob wondered if they were being served court papers and his mind started imagining him and Homer gallivanting around Boston Harbor maybe even eating something exotic like clams or lobster. He craned his neck around the large man to see that it was just a road map. “Ah need you to tahl me the most direct raht to Cheecahgo” the visitor said as he threw the map down on top of Homer’s papers. The he put on finger on Texas and the other on Chicago.

Homer looked up at the man and decided right off he didn’t like him. He didn’t like that he let in the hot air. He didn’t like the fact the man smelled of Gardenas and spice. He didn’t like the fact that he had rudely put his big badly folded map on his desk and most of all he didn’t like his attitude. So Homer looked up at Mr. Seersucker Suit and then he took a red pencil and a ruler from his desk drawer. He studied the map for a minute then he took the ruler and drew a straight line from Sequin, Texas to Chicago, Illinois. He did not follow roads. He did not follow highways but just drew the most direct route from Texas to Chicago just like Mr. Seersucker asked him to. Then he put his red pencil and his ruler back in his desk drawer and said “there you go. That’s the most die-rect rowt.”

Mr. Seersucker stood there, mouth open, breathing heavy. His neck began to turn red then his whole face. Trooper Bob wondered if steam would start escaping from his ears and the top of his head would lift right off just like in the old Elmer Fudd cartoons. Then Mr. Seersucker leaned over the desk and spat at Homer “why you didn’t even follah any rhods. All you did was drawr a line! That’s just unsahtisfahctry!” Homer spat into his cup again, stood up to his full height and said “Mister, you didn’t ask about no roads, you jest wanted the most direct route and that is what I gave you. Now get the hell outta my office.” Mr. Seersucker stood there a moment mouth breathing. Then he snapped his mouth closed, turned on his heel and stormed out. Trooper Bob saw his opportunity and he grabbed the red lined mapped and chased after Mr. Seersucker crying “hey wait you forgot your map. Don’t want you getting lost!” Mr. Seersucker stopped and turned around and said “go to hell!” Trooper Bob didn’t miss a beat he threw the map on the front of Mr. Seersucker’s 1957 Buick and said “naw sir, this here is the way to Chicago. I can draw you a better map to get you to hell only I think they call it Boston on the map.”
I think this might be the reason men don’t ask for directions but women always give them.

Just The Facts 9-15-09

There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")

The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 9-15-09

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Julius Macker (comments by Gladys)

Tuesday 9/8/2009

4:05 a.m. A Hungry Horse home was pelted with paintballs.

8:51 a.m. A home in Columbia Falls was shot with a paintball gun.
Hum...am I the only one seeing a pattern here?

9:05 a.m. A vehicle was found wrapped around a tree at the bottom of an embankment near the Hungry Horse Reservoir. No persons were in the area of the crash.

10:23 a.m. Someone found an abandoned personal watercraft on the river near Wagoner Lane. The craft will be moored at the individual’s dock until it is claimed.

10:41 a.m. A maroon vehicle was found submerged at the Abbott Bay boat launch on the Hungry Horse Reservoir. The owner of the vehicle has yet to be found.

11:39 a.m. Someone claimed to have found an open suitcase full of old clothes on Hubbard Dam Road. The supposed abandoned luggage turned out to be a pile of trash.
Again a pattern emerges. So Watson I deduce that we have an invisible paint balling bad boy on our hands I think it's Bigfoot

2:00 p.m. A mama bear and her two cubs exhibited normal bear behavior near the mailboxes on Lone Pine Road.
What? Checking the mail?

11:30 p.m. Someone at an apartment complex on Highway 2 East was splashed in the eyes with acid when an attempt to set off a bug bomb went awry.
RAID kills bugs DEAD!

Wednesday 9/9/2009

9:04 a.m. Nine cows wandered about on Highway 2 West. The cows were well within their rights to do so, as the area was open range.

12:05 p.m. A horse was repossessed on Seville Lane in Coram.
Now see this sounds like it should have been a scene in Blazing Saddles. Mongo repossess horse.

1:32 p.m. A teenaged individual knocked on a Shady Lane door, asking for money to help fund his college education. The resident, a welfare recipient, denied this request and in turn asked if the teen would lend him $10. Thats scamming the scammer
5:20 p.m. A car battery was reportedly lying in the middle of the road near an Evergreen box store.
Hey George I think we lost our batree.
Oh Hank we don’t need that thing. We done got it started.

5:38 p.m. An elderly male, heavy-set and sporting a white beard, was mumbling incoherently at a local convenience store. Authorities found the intoxicated man at the counter of the store, eating a sandwich and causing no problems.
Santa? Santa is that you?

10:10 p.m. A man and his children arrived home to find that all of the house lights had been turned on in their absence. The shady intruder turned out to be the children’s grandmother.
Gee I was betting it was Goldilocks.
Thursday 9/10/2009

4:20 p.m. Someone on Creekside Drive reports that a neighbor habitually sprays her children with a garden hose as they ride their bikes down the street.

When we were kids we called this fun!

4:52 p.m. Someone shot a propane tank on Hoffman Drive.
Someone isn’t very smart.

5:06 p.m. A cow stuck in a fence on Springcreek Drive extricated itself without assistance.7:57 p.m. A vehicle collided with a building on Highway 35 in Kalispell. Evergreen Ambulance responded.

Yeah the building usually has the right of way.

12:18 a.m. A deceased black bear blocked a road in Lakeside.
What did the bear die from?

Friday 9/11/2009

11:07 a.m. A resident of Stoner Creek Road claims that a neighbor “got in his face” and accused him of spreading rumors. Both parties were duly counseled.

I thought Stoner’s were mellow.
4:58 p.m. A dead bat mysteriously appeared on the porch of a Bigfork home. The concerned homeowner turned the body over to the responding officer.
Was it Batman?
Monday 9/14/2009

5:20 a.m. Boulders were strewn about on Harmony Road.
Giants been bowling again?

12:14 p.m. Someone called to report that the wires had been cut on the family computer. Come to find out, the parents had done the damage in order to revoke a 15-year-old son’s computer privileges.

Hum...this gives me an idea!

2:47 p.m. A suspected counterfeit $50 bill turned out to be real currency.
Yeah it’s been a while since I’ve seen a 50 too.

6:00 p.m. A llama ran amok in the Columbia Heights area before returning home.

Those Wild Drama Llama’s are on the loose again.

10:05 p.m. A resident of Martin City believes that three male individuals have been intruding into her attic. Authorities searched the home and found no signs of intrusion.
Bats in his belfry? What is a belfry anyway? I mean do we really need bell towers? If we do need bell towers should they have bats in them or hunchbacks? Geeze no wonder we don't have belfry's anymore.

10:38 p.m. A man in a tuxedo called to report that a female party, evidently the sister of the bride, was out of control at a Bigfork café. Authorities helped resolve the conflict.
Well at least they were a well dressed bunch of drunks.

Nurse Meme, It's A Miracle!

Have you ever noticed at the beginning of a relationship people are very private about themselves. They hide everything from their bathroom and bodily functions to their real bodies? The new lovers will hide them or avoid them sometimes to the point of discomfort. They will go for hours needing to expel a bit of gas or the 21 glasses of iced tea they had with dinner. They will not eat for fear it might make their stomach rumble but then that causes their stomach to growl. Women will wear their make-up non-stop not wanting to surprise their new found love with their real face. Men will suck in that expanding stomach for hours until they almost pass out from holding in their beer gut, flatulence and paunch. Years ago there was a television show called Love American Style. One episode named The Phonies featured Phyllis Diller and Richard Deacon as a married couple who come home from a night out. They began to undress and she takes off her wig, padded bra, fake eyelashes, fake butt etc until she was a completely different person and Richard Deacon undressed taking off shoulder pads, man girdle, toupee’, fake moustache and the lifts from his shoes until he too was just average Joe. I always liken the first stages of a love affair to that episode in that we hide our basic core even from ourselves.

This story takes place years ago when my sister Matilda was engaged to her first husband, J.R. Ewing. He was a fun loving good natured sort. She was madly in love with him and they spent every minute of their time together. Now Matilda was a gorgeous young woman and honestly she hasn’t changed much through the years. She is very fastidious and ladylike in every way. What I mean is she is the type who could burp the Star Spangled Banner but wouldn’t. It just wouldn’t be lady-like. J.R. on the other hand was a guy. I don’t think I have to say anymore than just that; he was a guy. Guys have a whole different set of rules of what is socially acceptable and what isn’t.

Now J.R. and Matilda were still in the early stages of their engagement and had not yet been down the road where you actually admit that you have bodily functions. Honestly I don’t think that J.R. knew my sister ever used the restroom. She would mysteriously disappear for a few minutes then reappear looking relieved but bearing a glass of tea or a plate of cookies. Thus leading J.R. to believe she had just popped into the kitchen to whip up a fresh batch of whatever refreshment she was offering. She was magical in his eyes and more than perfect. She was divine.

J.R. was a jokester. He loved to tell jokes, make jokes and play practical jokes. He fit in with our family great. He had the gift of gab, which in my family gets you a place at the table. He became one of the family before he was legally part of the family. I would often wake to find him camped out on the living room sofa in front of the television. He soon found out that if he fell asleep around us he might awaken to his hair in ponytails and his fingernails painted hot pink. He took all of this in good humor and joined in the fun.

It is during this time that my sister had to have surgery. It wasn’t major but enough to require her to be put under anesthesia. She was brought home to recover on the living room sofa. J.R. ran around trying to attend to her every need as did Nurse Meme. Well as things go when you have had surgery and they have filled your abdomen full of air that air must be released. Much to Matilda’s chagrin it was often sudden and cacophonous. J.R. took it all in stride. Matilda blushed and hummed and hawed her apologies until finally J.R. said “No it’s fine really. I just wish I could do that.” Matilda looked up and said “Do what?” J.R. shook his head, looked sadly at her and replied “pass gas. I can’t pass gas. I have this condition which keeps me from it.” Matilda being from the McGullicutty clan decided to claim foul “nu-uh. You’re making that up.” J.R. looked her in the eye and said “no really. I can’t fart. I have NEVER farted. It is really quite uncomfortable. I mean I can burp sometimes but I CAN NOT FART.” Then he sniffed a deep sniff and changed the subject.

Nurse Meme came to attend to her patient and Matilda looked at her learned mother and said “is there some kind of condition that makes it where you can’t fart?” Nurse Meme was taken a back but caught J.R. motioning out of the corner of her eye. She took a deep breath and said “yes there is and it’s very uncomfortable. It’s called epigastricmyosis and it can even result in death. The patient becomes so full of methane gas that if they can’t release it they will expire. Why do you ask?” Matilda cut her eyes to J.R. and said “oh, well J.R. said he couldn’t pass gas and I just never heard of such a thing.” Nurse Meme sat the grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup down on the coffee table and looked at J.R. “Were you born with it?” J.R. looked as pitiful as he possibly could and said “yes I was. It took them forever to diagnose it.” Matilda felt bad for doubting her beau and offered him a piece of her grilled cheese.

Several hours passed and the happy couple sat watching television and holding hands. Matilda tired out from her procedure and the pain killers laid her head in J.R.’s lap. He stroked her hair and she started to drift off to sleep. She was dreaming of butter cream wedding cakes and white fluffy dresses when out of her reverie came a loud honking noise accompanied by a horrific sulfuric odor. She jumped up from her prone position and looked at J.R. He smiled and yelled “I’m cured! It’s a miracle.” It was with this one act that their relationship matured and they became real.

It Happens Every Four Years

I am officially another year older. I know this because I spent the day in the seventh level of hell which I entered through the 9th gate, but I had to wait in line in order to do so. I arrived at hell or better known as the DMV at the appointed time of nine o’clock in the morning. I came prepared. I had my book, my coffee, my I-Pod, my pillow, a tent, some valium and a port-a-potty. The office opens promptly at nine o’clock. The line was all the way around the building.
The parking gods however were with me and I was able to squeeze in between two other cars.

I schlepped my bag of goodies and took my place in line. Looking around I realized I had forgotten to bring a chair or a shopping cart. I made a mental note to put that on my list of things for next time.

As I stood there I really didn’t know if I had everything I needed or if I had brought too much. In line next to me stood a foreign man eating something from a make-shift bar-b-que grill. It looked like a cross between a pita and a tortilla so I assumed he was an immigrant from Latvia. I was wrong. Upon inquiry I learned he was from some place called Nunadamnbidness. I am always excited to meet new people from new places so I promptly questioned him as to what he was cooking and he said it was something called a Gottohell. Well I guess we all have our odd dishes. Yes, I met many friendly people at the 9th gate of hell.

I stood trying to balance my coffee and read my book when from the fringe of the parking lot I heard “my brothers and sisters I want to speak to you of your soul. We stand here today on the cusp of heaven and hell. I am here to save your soul. Believe in him and ye shall be saved!” yelled the street evangelist from the curb. I looked around at my fellow line standers. I yelled back to the pulpiter “too late we are already there!” I didn’t mean to yell this, it just slipped out. My filter fell off and what I was thinking came out of my mouth, yet another sign of old age.
I stood and waited and moved centimeter by centimeter toward the door. (Now I just have to interject that I am horrible at the metric system and wouldn’t know a centimeter from a centipede). We moved not to the light but to the dark. It was plenty light outside and hot. After several hours of standing in the line in the hot sunshine I entered the 9th gate into the 7th level of hell. There in front of me was a large sign that stated “START HERE”. I scooted my way to the counter where I was met by one of Satan’s minions. Two cold dead eyes looked at me from a furrowed brow “do you have an appointment” asked the monotone voice. I swallowed hard and squeaked out “no”. The he croaked out “what are you here for?” I took a deep breath and said “I need to renew my driver’s license.” The zombie-like employee pulled a number from the printer and handed it to me.

I looked at the number then I looked at the sign which stated “We are now happily serving number: A0004”. I looked again at the number in my hand which said “G056”. Gosh I might get seen by the year 3014 if the inside line moves as fast as the outside line.

I waited jockeying for a seat to open so that I would no longer have to juggle my coffee, book, iPod, tent and my newly acquired shopping cart bar-b-que grill. Hey those people from Nunadamnbusiness drive a hard bargain, but I am a pretty good negotiator. I traded the porta-potty and my pillow for it. Oh and he made me throw in my bottle of Valium. I tricked him because it didn’t have Valium in it anymore, only some left over Oxy-contin from my last surgery. I sat down and looked over at the woman next to me. She was holding ticket number A0006. I felt just like Michael Keaton in Beatlejuice only there was no witch doctor sitting next to me holding the next number in line. I looked at the crowd in the waiting room and asked my seat partner “so are you here to get your driver’s license renewed?” She looked at me and rambled something off in a language I not only didn’t recognize but sounded like it might have been Martian. She clicked and clucked and spit and then turned back to giving the woman behind the counter the stink eye. I immediately turned back to my book trying not to be caught in the death rays of the Martian stink eye.
Finally after several hours of checking the screen every 5 seconds; I looked up at the screen and up popped “We are now happily serving G055”. My excitement was barely manageable. I started gathering my belongings and turning the hotdogs on the grill. I was ready to head to the next available clerk. Then the screen changed and it read “We are now happily serving C0010.” WHAT? Wait what happened? We skipped back to C? Why? What fresh hell is this? I looked to my right and the Martian lady was non-plussed. I looked to my left and the 85 year old man was snoring loudly while holding one of my charred hotdogs in his hand. I wanted to protest but to whom? I took a deep breath remembering to place my tongue in the roof of my mouth and draw the air deeply into my lungs just like my cardiologist told me to. I mean honestly I didn’t want to have a heart attack there in the DMV and loose my place in line. I relaxed my shoulders and settled back into my molded plastic chair. I started reading once again about the Tazingy fly, hey it was the only book I could find in my library in the car, and settled into my fate.

Then I heard the Martian lady cluck several times then she clicked and my eyes were drawn to the screen. “We are now happily serving G056” brightened the screen. I jumped up and in my excitement yelled “BINGO!” I lugged my stuff to window number 6 where I was met by yet another DMV Zombie. Now I just have to ask where you think they find all these zombies. Do you think they are zombies when they are hired or do they turn into them after working there for a specified period of time? What does the want ad look like for the position? “You too can be a zombie! Apply at your local DMV TODAY! Be ALL the Zombie you can be.”

Anyway that is how I spent my birthday.

I'm Going To Live Until I Die

World's oldest person dies in L.A. at 115
Enjoyed steady diet of crispy bacon, fried chicken, ice cream
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32799091/ns/us_news-life/?GT1=43001

I read this story and thought, see there you go. This woman had a steady diet of bacon, fried chicken and ice cream. Now see this is where in all due respect I have to say that just isn’t fair. Oh shut up I know life isn’t supposed to be fair. Nobody promised me it would be fair. No one called me up and said “Gladys just cause you’re so darn cute I’m going to make life fair.” Nope never got that call. I instead call the call that said Gladys, you will be grossly underweight until your 45th year of life, and then you will balloon out like the Goodyear blimp. Your cholesterol will be 4000 and you will be forced to give up everything you love. You must never again let bacon; fried chicken and ice cream pass you lips. You will not only NOT live to be 115 years old if you do this but you will be lucky if you make it to your next driver’s license renewal date if you do. Evidently Ms. Gertrude Baines didn’t answer her telephone the day that life called to tell her those things. Damn these cell phones and the obsessive need to feel connected.
She lived to be one hundred and fifteen years old. That is 1-1-5. Fifteen (not five) years more than one hundred. That means she was born in 1894. Let me repeat that, eighteen hundred and ninety-four. Just to get perspective lets see what happened that year.
1894 Jan 7, one of the earliest motion picture experiments took place at the Thomas Edison studio in West Orange, N.J., as comedian Fred Ott was filmed sneezing.
1894 Mar 12, Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time.
1894 Mar 25 Jacob S. Coxey began leading an "army" of unemployed from Massillon, Ohio, to Washington, D.C., to demand help from the federal government. Coxey advocated, as a way to provide jobs and increase the amount of money in circulation, a public works program of road construction and local improvements to be financed by the issuance of $500 million in legal tender notes. Coxey's Army of unemployed disbanded when Coxey and two other leaders were arrested for trespassing on the White House lawn in 1894.
1894 Jun 26, Karl Benz of Germany received a US patent for a gasoline-driven auto.

These are just a few of the events that took place the year Ms. Baines was born. Now I want you to reach into your brain and think very hard about what you learned in your history classes.
Think of the important events she witnessed either first hand or through the magic of a new media, the radio. Oh but remember not only did she live through the birth of radio, motion pictures, talking motion pictures, color motion pictures, television and finally the computer and with it the internet. How amazing a life she must have lived even if she thought it mundane.
Has it soaked in yet? The fact this woman witnessed a mountain of history is staggering. She lived through the Spanish American War, the First World War, the Second World War, the Korean Conflict, the Vietnam War, the Bay of Pigs, Desert Storm and the Iraqi and Afghanistan wars. Not to mention she was born when Grover Cleveland was president and experienced the long journey to Barack Obama. She lived through Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King. She witnessed the assassination of John and Jack Kennedy. She saw the dust bowl and survived the Great Depression and even according to the news media survived the latest recession.

One hundred and fifteen years. Would you? Could you live to be 115? I am certainly going to try.

Gladys Has Reverent and Irreverant Random Thoughts 9-11-09

Today is 9-11. It was eight years ago today that we held our breaths as we watched an attack on our great nation. It saddens and maddens me when people forget that on that day we came together as a nation. We were not republicans and democrates. We were not black or white or purple with green polka dots, we were simply Americans working together.

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A box that I found in Fibber McGee and Molly’s closet (oh for gosh sakes go here and read about it) got me thinking.

Have you ever noticed that you have pictures of people in your photo albums, scrap books or photo boxes that you absolutely no clue who they are?
I thought I would share mine with you.

I think this beauty was one of Trooper Bob's flames.

I have NO clue who this is, but they were in a congratulations card sent to my Grandfather in 1966. Um...Congratulations your family doesn't look like this?

I have a pretty good idea who this is as it was signed Will. This is definitly an early picture of Will Smith. The resemblance in uncanny.

I had no idea that I was related to Poncho Villa.

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My overheard of the week:
Man in line at the Department of Motor Vehicles to person behind him in line: “I haven’t been to the DMV in 20 years and I don’t intend to come back until after Saint Peter turns me away from the pearly gates.

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Overheard at the bank:
Customer to the teller: Can I still use my checks even though you’ve changed the name of the bank?
Teller: Yes ma’am.
Customer: Do I still have to have money in my account or can I get a bail-out?*******************************************************************
Mrs. 4’s over at Half Past Kissing Time is hosting her Friday Fragments again. Now go on over and read each and every blog hooked up on her Mr. Linky. Go on, I’ll wait.

Ann Again and Again always hosts her Virtual Girls Night Out on Fridays and seeing as this is the eight anniversary of 9-11 go on over and hoist a glass and salute those we lost and those who worked hard to put our country back together. Raise a glass to the firefighters, the police, the EMT’s, the doctor’s, nurses and all the rescue workers who were on site and those who traveled from far and wide to aide in the rescue. Raise a glass to this great nation and raise a glass to yourself.