Ring, Ring Telephone Ring

Today is Themed Thursday and the word of the day is Telephone. Yes that thing that has evolved from something that hung on the wall or sat on a hall table to the thing we cannot be without.

We carry it with us everywhere. Heck I know people who carry it to the bathroom. Honestly I don’t want to talk to you if you’re busy in that way.

Thanks Wired.com for this visual

I remember as a child my grandmother had an old crank telephone hanging on the wall. When she passed away my family moved into her house and I would spend hours sitting on a stool pretending to be talking on that phone. I would crank it up and then say “Mabel, get me Orchard 457” then I would wait as if Mabel really was ringing OR-457 and then I would launch into a full fledge conversation “Ethel, how the heck are you? Oh yeah? They did what?” The rest of my family would sit in the family room watching television or sneaking snacks from the pantry while I sat carrying on my conversation. “What? In whose back yard? Why I didn’t even know that had a cow!” Yes I was quite the five year old conversationalist.

I would also listen to my parents conversations on another phone. The actual working phone which you no longer had to crank yet it still hung on the kitchen wall. Their conversations were short and concise. They said what they had to say, garnered the information they needed conveyed and politely rang off. As life changed so did our telephone habits. Conversations became more extended and we had more and more telephone solicitations.

My dad, Trooper Bob, had a special way in which to handle these calls and still does. The following is an excerpt of one of my father’s conversations.

Ring

TB: Hello?

Salesman: Is this Mr. Bob?

TB: Yes and you are?

Salesman: This is Barney with Stealem and Robem Investments and I have a wonderful opportunity for you.

TB: Barney? Is that really you? Where the hell have you been? They told me you up and died. Died deader than a doornail.  Heck I was at your funeral.  Did you see me there?

Salesman: Um, I’m Barney Bunkem, Mr. Bob. I work for Stealem and Robem Investments. I am calling to tell you about a…

TB: (Who has now began wailing into the receiver) God damnit Barney I’m so happy to hear from you. Here I thought I was never gonna get to talk to you again. Man it’s so good to hear from you. There were so many things I wanted to tell you. Hey did you hear me when I leaned over your casket and told you my secrets? Man you’re not going to tell anyone are you?

Salesman: Cough. Um Mr. Bob I think you have me mistaken for…

TB: Oh Barney, stop joshing with me I would know your voice anywhere.

Salesman:  heavy sigh then  Mr. Bob I’m not who you think.

TB: Hey Barney remember the time that we put that cow shit in a bag and set it on fire on Old Mr. Ham’s porch. Then we rang the door bell and ran? I thought I would split a gut watching that old man stomp out that fire. Stomping cow shit all over the place. Man I learned some words that night. An remember the time…

Salesman: Mr. Bob, I am calling from…

TB: So have you ran into Mr. Ham? If you do would you apologize for me? I mean I am an old man now and would kinda like to go to heaven. You did end up in heaven didn’t you?

Click.

So you see the telephone my parents taught me can be a useful tool, a toy and a source of humor.