Thursday, November 5, 2009

Castles in The Sky

Today is Themed Thursday, it is also TMI Thursday over at LivitLuvit.
TMI Thursday

 I thought I would kill two birds with one stone. Not that I could hit a bird with a stone. Heck I can’t even skip rocks. My brother Buck tried and tried to teach me but I could never get the hang of it. I think it had to do with the fact that I liked round rocks, after all the one I was found under was round. I digress. The Theme is Castles. Now I have not done this before so bear with me. Or is it bare with me? Well which ever one it is I’m going to try this out.

Gladys had always wanted to visit a real life castle. She had read about them in bosom heaving bodice ripping romance novels. She had seen them in Disney movies and had watched Camelot a million times imagining what life would be like in a castle. So when she found herself in Germany she was thrilled. Here was her chance to tour her dream home. She imagined herself as queen being attended to by her ladies in waiting. Does anyone know what they were waiting for? She would have worn crowns studded with emeralds and rubies; gowns made of the finest silk and would have been loved and feared. Yes Gladys lived in a fantasy world.

Gladys’ companion wasn’t as thrilled with castles as she in fact he wasn’t thrilled with anything. She pleaded and begged until he finally acquiesced to touring an ancient castle ruin along the Rhine. Tadpole and Gladys were thrilled. They awoke early and donned hiking shoes and warm clothes. The trio set out in a steady mist and drove to the Castle that sat ominous upon a ridge over looking the river. They walked through the gift shop, procured candles and purchased passes to tour the rest of the bastion. Gladys wanted to see every nook and every cranny of the fortress. They walked upon the remaining buttresses and wound through tunnels leading from chamber to chamber. They stood on the crumbling towers and viewed the spectacular view of the Rhine and the opposing castle across the river.

Gladys and Tadpole left their companion to explore more on their own. They walked into open areas that once housed great halls. They read the map and determined where the kitchens were in relation to the ballrooms. They trekked up crumbling masonry steps and descended into underground chambers. The last stop was the dungeon. The map warned that many of the tunnel like hallways ended in a wall to deter invaders from capturing the castle. They would think they had found an entrance and would be trapped when they hit the wall at the end of a long corridor. The defending army would trap them and kill them.

The unsuspecting duo started down one such corridor which became narrower the farther in they went. It was dark and their candles only lit the area right in front of them. Then Tadpole’s candle went out. Gladys took the lead and fighting her rising claustrophobia edged further into the opening. Her mind wandered to stories she had read of kings ordering people who had disobeyed them walled into such anterooms. She began to get short of breath and anxiety set in. What if there were an earthquake and they were trapped in this hole? What if some evil clown or zombie stacked rocks at the opening so they couldn’t exit. What if she had a heart attack and Tadpole couldn’t drag her out? Her mind raced through these fears and trepidations. She began to panic and started to turn around. Tadpole was holding her hand squeezing hard letting Gladys know that she was not alone in her panic.

Then it happened she felt someone grab her from the other side. She couldn’t scream. She couldn’t breath. She couldn’t run. She was frozen in place with a cold hand on her arm and then she heard Tadpole scream. That was it. Her bladder did what bladders are wont to do in such situations as evidenced by the episode in the corn maze. It released its hold and evacuated its contents. Tadpole grabbed tighter to Gladys’ hand and began pulling her from the dark dank hole. “Can you help me out of here?” they heard a voice ask in the dark. The hold from the other side tightened on Gladys’ other arm and she finally found her voice and screamed. The voice in the dark screamed. Everyone was screaming and running. They finally saw daylight and ran toward it. Tadpole, Gladys and the owner of the strange voice from the dark all ran toward the light.

Once in the light of day they looked around. Tadpole looked at Gladys. Gladys looked at the source of the voice. They began to laugh once they realized that they had found their companion who had gotten lost in the chamber and his candle had blown out.

And that is how Gladys added to her places she had peed in her pants, a castle.


carissajaded said...

Aww that was the cutest pee in your pant story I have ever heard!

I'm excited to hear about the other places on your list of where you have peed, but i doubt you can get more classy than "castle"!

Clevelandpoet said...

hahaha pure awesome. There should be some sort of page with a list of places.

Brian Miller said...

ha. that was amazing...hands grabbing me in the dark just may have that affect, especially in an old castle. happy theme thursday, so glad you joined us.

Wings1295 said...

Great! Wonder what a "Places I Peed In" scrapbook would be like. Never mind.

Welcome to TT! :)

RLM Cooper said...

Gladys, you are a wonderful hoot! What a great story!

Ronda Laveen said...

My mother-in-law collected air ports. You have a pee collection. I MUST get a hobby.

Welcome to TT. You did great and bared your...(soul?) for all of us to know you better. Now I have to go change my panties because I wheedled when I laughed so hard at your last line. Brrrr...I'm getting cold.

JeffScape said...


Well, I've peed my pants jumping out of an airplane, so I guess I shouldn't laugh.

Bob said...

I just love stories about peeing your pants in a medieval castle.

Debby said...


TMI Thursday. I'm totally stealing this idea. However, the sad thing is this: It's now Friday, and although I have a truly excellent story, I'll have to wait.

Stephanie said...

What a concept!

Maude Lynn said...

This is hilarious!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

That's horrible and funny and amazing all at the same time. And I can't believe you told us - that's awesome!

Mike said...

That was a really funny story! There is something about a woman peeing her pants........hehehehe!

Baino said...

Hilarious, never done it, often felt like it! Peed my pants that is, not get lost in castles. I did get lost in Saltzberg Castle once. Great first Theme Thursday (is it your first?). Great blog too, I just wish I had more time to explore.

Dreamhaven said...

oh my, losing control of one's bodily functions is part of many a spooky castle. The body loses the excess waste so you can run faster.

Thanks for sharing. Happy TT

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