Seeing Stars

I hope to be seeing stars. No I’m not waiting for Bugs Bunny to sneak up behind me and hit me on the head with a huge sledge hammer he ordered from Acme. I mean movie stars. I am so excited I could spit. Now explain to me why when someone is excited beyond words all they can do is spit? Is it because you become like one of Pavlov’s dogs only the bell is different for everyone? I know you are just dying to know why I’m over here spitting and spewing. Oh come on you want to know, don’t you?

About a month ago I was lying in bed sipping my morning coffee watching the news. Kahuna was discussing some major newsworthy news story when I stopped him cold. “Did you hear that?” He stopped talking looked at the T.V. squinted his eyes in concentration then looked back and said “what”? I sighed took another sip of coffee and said “the contest”. He shook his head and then went back to his explanation as to why some woman shouldn’t have said something about being better than some man who wants to be judge or president or something.

I had seen it even if he hadn’t. They had a contest on the Los Angeles news station to attend a movie premier. The name of the movie is “The Ugly Truth”. It stars Katherine Hiegl and Gerard Butler. The contest was to send in your worst dating story. You know me I ALWAYS have a story so I submitted one. (Here it is read it here) I really didn’t think I would have a snow ball’s chance in hell of winning when I entered. Not that I was cold and crystalline but that the odds were about even. I bucked up and I edited a bit and then I pressed that send button and honestly forgot all about it.

I continued to see the commercials on the KTLA morning news and wondered who might have won. I in fact was a bit disheartened because I just knew some young girl or guy who had a fresh college or high school horror story about dating had in fact won. I mean who wants to hear about something that happened 35 years ago to little old Gladys. I mean besides you, my faithful readers. I did not however lose any sleep over it or miss any meals. Heck I don’t miss many meals over anything. I’m kind of like the post office; neither sleet nor snow nor dark of night will keep Gladys from chow. I digress.

Then the little light flashed on my crackberry. I drooled a little then checked my emails. There staring at me was a message from of all people KTLA. It was ominous and stark and very cryptic. It said:

Good Morning Gladys
This message pertains to your submission for “The Ugly Truth” contest sponsored by KTLA.

Please call me at 800 BR 549 no later than 12 noon today. Thank you.

I read this and wondered what I had done wrong now. I looked at the clock on my phone and it was 2:45 p.m. As in the after NOON. I of course panicked. I mean what if I had to call the news station or a bomb went off or something somewhere. Okay I know I’ve watched way too many Bruce Willis movies. I hurriedly pushed the numbers into the phone then waited for the familiar trill. It rang once, twice, three times a lady. Oh wait no, wrong story. The phone was answered by a very nice woman who informed me I had reached KTLA’s sales department. Wait I wasn’t buying anything. What did KTLA want to sell me? Or did they want to sail me? Maybe they just wanted to sale me. Anyway I said “Hello, this is Gladys, someone sent me an email and said I should call. Since I do what I’m told I’m calling. A little late but here I am.” The nice lady laughed and said “Oh thank goodness. We didn’t think we were going to be able to reach you.” I of course went into hyper paranoid mode. I listened intently for explosions from the bombs my call wasn’t in time to stop. Then the nice lady said “Did you enter Ugly Truth contest?” I thought for a moment wondering if I should say yes or no. I mean I am the youngest of three kids, sometimes it is wise to wait before you confess. I took a breath and reluctantly said “yes. Why am I in trouble?” The nice woman chuckled and replied “No, as a matter of fact you won.” What? I won? My little pea brain could not wrap around those words. I never win. Well I did win a Target Gift Card from a fellow blogger and a book one time but not a major award. I never even won a leg shaped lamp with fish net stockings marked FRAGILE.
I squealed and gasped and then began to gush “I’d like to thank the academy, my mother and father for giving me the gift of gab and most of my loving husband who has encouraged me.” Then I heard another chuckle and the nice lady cleared her throat. “We need to know what name to reserve the tickets under.” I cocked my head to one side much like my boxer does when you say “doggie doo”, “what tickets” I asked the nice lady. “The tickets to the premier of The Ugly Truth. You won tickets to the premier. We might want to interview you Friday morning on the Morning Show. Can you do that?” I sat a moment trying to take it all in and process what she had just said. “I won tickets” I queried? “Yes, dear, you won tickets. You and a guest are going to the world premier of The Ugly Truth.”
Now you know why I will be seeing stars.