Just the Facts Week Ending 6/29/2009

There are a million stories in the city.Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum."The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")The Flathead Beacon:Police Blotter for the week ending 6-30-09.

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Julius Macker (comments by Gladys)

Tuesday 6/23/2009

5:21 a.m. Someone stole over 100 gallons of gasoline from a Columbia Falls golf course.
Why did a golf course have gasoline? I thought those cute little cars were electric.

5:24 a.m. A rock slide created a major road hazard in West Glacier, littering the highway with small to boulder-sized stones.
Hey Trooper Bob “No MOSS!” (sorry inside joke)

9:25 a.m. An intoxicated individual was wandering into traffic on Whitefish Stage Road, evidently trying to hitch a ride.
Well that is one way to get a ride. A ride in an ambulance.

10:38 a.m. Representatives of a local church were riding their bicycles on Airport Road, occasionally knocking on residence doors.
Ok I have a short little story here for you. I have a friend I’ll call Julie. Julie’s cure for these types of callers is to just open the door naked as a jay bird. One of two things happens they either NEVER come back or you get a whole lot more company.

12:02 p.m. In Whitefish, a woman is being threatened by a man over what may be drug activity.
Is this like calling the cops because someone stole your weed?
1:33 p.m. Someone in Evergreen had questions about a “peacock problem.”
Just tell them to stop watching NBC.

2:51 p.m. A man evidently lifted his bulldog by the leash and swung the dog in a circle.
Well he couldn’t swing it by its ears so…

6:49 p.m. A resident of Poplar Drive approached his neighbor’s home, yelled at his neighbor’s children and then left.
I have heard about yelling at kids on your own lawn but on other peoples?

7:09 p.m. Someone in Hungry Horse called to report that an intoxicated individual was passed out on his property. He agreed to leave the individual there to sober up.
Well that was nice of him.

10:04 p.m. A Hungry Horse resident can hear his intoxicated neighbors yelling at one another. The issue was resolved when the female neighbor left.
Nothing like a drunken fight.

12:05 a.m. A woman’s friend took her dog for approximately ten minutes and then returned.
Did she pick it up by its ears?
Wednesday 6/24/2009

8:53 a.m. At least 15 mailboxes were smashed on Birch Drive. The reporting party’s mailbox, however, escaped unharmed.
Is this like an SBD? He who smelt it dealt it?

10:35 a.m.A large python was seen hanging from a tree in Bigfork. The creature proved elusive, however, and was gone when authorities arrived.
Um I would have proved elusive had I seen a large python hanging from a tree.

I don't like snakes like this

I prefer my snakes to look like this.

12:35 p.m. Someone on Conrad Drive was evidently taking pictures of his neighbor’s dog. The dog’s owner did not consent to this activity.
Was he holding the camera coaching the pooch by saying “work the camera baby” or “that’s it give me more snout.”

12:48 p.m. A gentleman dressed all in black and carrying a Bible was spotted at a local cemetery. When questioned, he was found to be “just paying [his] respects.”
Johnny Cash is back.

1:26 p.m. Three mailboxes were smashed on Cottonwood Drive.
So would this be the start of a new group instead of Smash Mouth and Match Box 20 it could be Smash Box?

3:00 p.m. A bale of hay obstructed Highway 2.

This makes the police report?

10:07 p.m. Sewage equipment was vandalized on Conrad Drive.
Well that’s pretty Shitty.
3:52 a.m. Authorities arrived at a local home to serve a warrant for the resident’s arrest. The individual then proceeded to hop in his vehicle, a red pickup truck, and flee the scene. While authorities pursued him for approximately ten miles, he eventually evaded arrest and is now at the center of a massive search.
I see an episode of Cops Flathead County on the horizon. Bad boy, Bad Boy, what cha gonna do?
Thursday 6/25/2009

6:31 a.m. A green vehicle seems to have been abandoned in the parking lot of a local grocery store. The store management was advised of their towing rights.
Was it the color green or was it a Prius? Maybe the battery died.

1:08 p.m. One neighbor yelled at another on Steeles Drive.
Well that isn’t very neighborly

1:42 p.m. A resident of West Cottonwood Drive evidently does not know what to do about the squirrels. The agitated caller requested assistance in contending with the creatures, complaining that the local law enforcement does not deal with them properly.
Yeah I know that I’m always concerned about those killer squirrels.

5:31 p.m. A gentleman was driving along Foys Lake Road when a teenager wearing white clothes and riding a bicycle shone a laser in his eyes. The driver is now having eye problems.
Maybe it was an alien and he gave him an anal probe through his eye.

5:48 p.m. A young boy was seen standing on the railing of a bridge in Bigfork.
Evidently Billy Joe McAllister missed the 3rd of June.
7:48 p.m. Someone on Flathead Drive called to report that a neighbor was living with 25 dogs in a 23’ RV. Authorities arrived to find the head count accurate and will be taking the dogs into custody.
What about the owner? Won’t he be lonely?

11:12 p.m. A resident of Rogers Lake Road heard a man and woman fighting next door. The caller reports hearing the female voice state, “I made a mistake and it will never happen again,” after which she heard a loud CRACK and then total silence. The two were gone upon law enforcement arrival.
Guess she didn’t make the mistake the second time and hit her target.

2:46 a.m. An intoxicated female was unwanted by her intoxicated peers at a gathering in Martin City.
That is pretty bad when a bunch of drunks don’t want another drunk to drink with.

3:45 a.m. Several intoxicated campers on Ashley Lake were threatening one another. One of the individuals was jailed on an outstanding warrant.
You might want to check your warrants before you call the cops.
Friday 6/26/2009

8:52 a.m. Someone broke into a church on Whitefish Stage Road but took nothing.
Maybe God spoke to them.

9:02 a.m. Somebody was impersonating a FedEx worker, claiming to have a delivery for a resident of Beaver Lake Road. The homeowner quickly saw through his ruse as he was not wearing a FedEx uniform nor driving a FedEx truck.
This one could be on stupid criminal tricks.
1:45 p.m. Someone in Marion is frustrated because their neighbors continually place rocks in the road.

I think I saw this on DATELINE and it didn’t end well.
4:04 p.m. A porch on Rhodes Draw was host to a small injured black bear.
Well it was nice of the owners to invite him.

5:23 p.m. Evidently, “the doctors” are falsely accusing a resident of Solberg Lane of medicine fraud.
Is this “THE DOCTORS” on TV? You know the ones who tell you everyone passes gas? Then proceeds to demonstrate it? Or is it the old Soap Opera “The Doctors”?

8:05 p.m. Someone in Marion consumed 10 to 25 unknown pills along with alcohol and subsequently lost consciousness. The individual was taken into medical care.
Did “The Doctors” prescribe them? Was it Michael Jackson?

8:37 p.m. Someone in Marion saw a man run past the window and heard what may have been someone jiggling the garage door handle.
It was Bigfoot.

9:40 p.m. A man in a black car videotaped a home on Trumble Creek Road.
Maybe it was Alan Funt. Smile your on Candid Camera (for those of you who are too young to know who and what this is it was the original Punked)
3:40 p.m. Somebody walked by and threw a rock through the window of a Whitefish home.
It was Bigfoot.

This weeks Joe Friday quote:

Pep Streebeck: [to Friday] Can you swim?

Joe Friday: Red Cross junior lifesaver with clusters, bub!

Pep Streebeck: Silly me.

Up the Road A Ways

I may have mentioned this a time or twenty but I’m from Texas. I love Texas. Texas makes me happy with its wide open spaces, besides Houston, and its dry climate, excluding the whole eastern half of the state and its friendly people. Yes I love Texas. Kahuna on the other hand is a native born Californian. He is a surfer dude extraordinaire. That being said he actually was a Texafornian for a time in his life. Well sort of I mean he lived in Houston in the 1970’s and back in the 1970’s when the oil business was booming Houston was pretty much a melting pot.

On one of our trips back to the great state of Texas some years ago we ventured through some of the delightful back roads of Hill Country. We were unfortunately too late in the year to see the bountiful explosion of blue bonnets or the blessed budding of the Indian Paint Brush. We did however arrive in time to witness the billowing thunderheads of late summer as well as some of the dry lighting storms that pop up from time to time. We drove and chatted and drove some more. You see Texas is a very large state and we were basically going from one side to the other with a bit of a detour through Houston.




We began our trek early one morning and neither of us had our coffee except for that little bit of spit they give you in your little side of the road No-Tell Motel. You know the one I’m talking about? The one that has the coffee pot the size of a quarter and some really nasty tasting coffee in a package complete with that fake dried milk stuff and a wooden stick with which to try and get it to dissolve in your luke warm cup of brownish colored water? Yeah that’s the one. I’m sorry to report that it didn’t have a magic fingers bed but it did have some really great 1950’s soap called Cashmere Bouquet but I digress. So with eyes barely open we jumped in the car and headed up the road.

Kahuna knowing that I know EVERYTHING about Texas asked where we might find a diner, quick stop or God forbid a Bigbucks for a boost of caffeine. I thought a moment and searched my virtual vault of useless knowledge and said “I am almost nearly certain that there is a Bigbucks just up the road a ways.” Kahuna looked at me through heavy eyes and said “how far?”
I chirpily replied “just up the road, a ways.” We drove on, up the road, a ways. Then we drove on some more. We then drove some more. Kahuna looked around at the vast expanse of nothingness and cocked his head my way and asked again “how far?” I smiled my most beguiling smile which in reality came out looking more like a sneer and said “a ways. Just a ways more up the road”. Kahuna let out a long loud sigh and drove on. We passed scrub brush and rocky ledges. We passed scraggly herds of goats and abandoned farm houses. We passed fuel stations which were abandoned long, long ago. We saw nothing, nothing at all. We saw no Chevron station with an awaiting pot of coffee, or McDonalds with an egg McMuffin and a cup of Joe. We drove on for two hours we drove barely seeing another vehicle with the exception of an occasional farm truck or tractor. Once again Kahuna looked at me and raised an eyebrow in question. “It’s just up the road a ways. Just over yonder” I replied to his speculation.

Finally three hours later we arrived in a small berg with a service station, a feed store and a quick stop. Kahuna pulled the vehicle into the parking spot among the dirt laden pick-up trucks and stock trailers. He grabbed my extra large travel mug and started into the convenience store. He walked over to the coffee counter to an empty coffee pot. His shoulders sagged, his mouth turned into a frown and he turned to me and said “don’t tell me. There is another place just up the road a ways.”

Random Thoughts 6-26-09 and A Gucci

What did you think it was going to be?

Now you know today is Friday Fragments over at Half Past Kissing Time. So go on over for a visit.

Oh and it's VGNO over at Ann Again and Again and and too it is her anniversery. So go on over and check it out mix yourself a drink read a few blogs. (if you read all the way through I'll give you my own adult beverage special drinky-poo)

I’m going to start out my Random Thoughts with a short story. First of all do you guys remember a couple of weeks ago I went to Doodles graduation? Do you remember me telling you I got sunburned, on my head? Well I did, get sunburned that is. Okay so now here is my story and then I’ll give you some random wonderings.

For the last couple of days I have had an itchy head. Not like a “hum, I’m thinking therefore I’ll scratch my head.” No it was one of those drive you crazy itchy heads. I thought to myself, self, you need some Head and Shoulders or perhaps some Selson Blue. So this morning I wash my hair with my normal shampoo.

I wash, rinse and repeat just like the directions say, because I always do as I’m told. I use my conditioner just like the directions say, because I always do as I’m told. I put my anti-frizz product in my hair just like the directions say, because I always do as I’m told. Then I start combing through my tangled mess of frizz. I look into the mirror and notice that I have some white flakes in my hair. Then I notice that I have quite a few white flakes on my follicles. Then I notice that I am infested with them. I try to pull one out to see what it is but it won’t budge. I being the over dramatic, hypochondriac that I am, immediately knew what it was. I knew. I was sure; I positively diagnosed it as (insert dramatic music here) lice. Ewww…uck, gross.
My mind flew through the last several weeks, where had I been, what I had done, whose hairbrush had I used? I could think of nothing. I mean I hadn’t been in close contact with any homeless people. I hadn’t tried on any used hats or used any strange hairbrushes or combs. I hadn’t worn a turban belonging to a Pediculosis ridden Turkish prince. I could think of no where I would have picked up the little buggers. Then I thought of the beach. Maybe I got them from the beach. I immediately Googled lice and how you get them. I ran to Kahuna and said “Look at my head. Do I have lice?” He looked at me sighed really heavy and drug me into the sunlight. “I don’t know what head lice looks like.” I went into my Google laden informational and he picked little white flakes from my head. There we stood in the sunlight looking like a couple of monkeys. There we stood me being the contrite one while the grooming male picked the nits from my scalp. He plucked one from my scalp along with a couple of hair follicles and held it up in the light then he looked at my scalp some more. “Didn’t you get sunburned on your head a couple of days ago” he asked as he examined yet another flake. Then it dawned on me. The reason my head had itched and I was covered in a snow storm of dandruff was I was peeling. I was shedding the tender scalp which I had cooked to a crispy critter.

Your head itches now doesn't it? You can feel little critters scurring through your forest of follicles don't you? Why is it at the mere mention of Lice that your head immediately starts itching?

This brings me to my random thoughts:

Why don’t they make sunscreen for your head?

Why are the only people you see wearing fashionable hats these days either crazy homeless people or crazy gambling people at horse races?

Who was the first person who decided to roll up some leaves in another leave then set it afire?

Why do they call it quitting cold turkey? Why not quitting hot pastrami? Why not luke warm ham?

Why is it when people go camping they feel it is necessary to build the biggest bon fire possible? First of all it's not cold and second of all you built your fire then went back in your motor home and now your smoke is billowing into ours.

Now what are you doing this weekend? Come on you can tell me I’m not going to tell.

Oh and Ann asked how you met your special someone... Well Ann I met Kahuna at a Christmas party my boss threw. It was not love at first sight, but like a wart he grew on me.

I promised you a special drink. Let me just say this will knock your socks off. (This is from my friend Ballz)

PINEAPPLE VODKA

Take 8-10 cans pineapple rings packed in JUICE (NOT SYRUP).

Drain juice. Doesn't have to be bone dry.

Dump pineapple into a bigass container--sun tea jars are fabulous. Use whatever container you have.

Pour a liter of quality vodka (Grey Goose) over the pineapple.

Let set 5-7 days. 7 is better than 5, but you can taste it at 5.

Pour vodka into a container. I used the original vodka bottle. Let the pineapple sit for 2-3 more days to drain off more liquid.

Pour THAT liquid in with the rest of the vodka.

THROW THE PINEAPPLE AWAY. IT HAS DONE IT'S JOB.(trust me on this you do not want to use this pinapple for ANYTHING)

Put vodka in shaker with ice--pour in martini glass.

Yes, you can mix it with something. I don't. I don't care if YOU do.

P.S. Kelly over at Kelly's Casa de Chaos tagged me for a Meme. Here's how it works. Go to your first photo file and post the 10th photo in that file.

And without further Ado... here is what comes up.

Teenaged Embarrassment for TMI THURSDAY

Once again it’s Too Much Information Thursday over at Live It Love It. While I don’t have a cat pooing on my paper plate story I do have a girly-bits problem story. Luckily this did not happen to me but to a friend of mine. No really it was a friend.

This was way back years ago, back in the dark ages. This occurred back when mothers would not let their daughter’s wear tampons until they were older because well it might take away their virginity. Now honestly what the heck? Back in those days if you were a young girl you were forced to wear a “pad” that was roughly the size of a 2 x 4 and twice as uncomfortable. With that being said I will tell you the sad tale of my friend Betsy.

Betsy had a crush on Fred. Fred was quite the ladies man. He always had several girlfriends going at one time. She secretly wished he would ask her to the all sports banquet. You see at their little high school prom was outlawed. The fact was ALL school dances were outlawed. Yeah, it was just like in the movie Footloose, it was a religious thing even though it was a public school.
Betsy was putting her Algebra book in her locker when he approached. Her heart skipped a beat as Fred leaned in and said “what are you doing next Friday night?” Betsy stammered and stuttered and replied “nothing.” Fred smiled his charming smile and said “well now you’re going to the banquet, with me.” Betsy stood mouth open wide eyed and finally forced out “ok”. Fred smiled and then disappeared into the throng of pimple faced high schoolers.

Betsy was beside herself as she scurried to her next class. She grabbed her friend Darla and said “Fred asked me to the sports banquet. What am I going to wear?” Darla squealed and said “Oh my gosh, I’m so excited for you! Let’s go to Aunt Betty’s Rags after school.” By the end of the school day Betsy’s whole posse had learned of her date and had all agreed to help her pick out a suitable outfit. Now I have to break here and tell you that the most coveted dress for such functions was from a company named Gunny Sacks. Their dresses were romantic, gauzy creations that whispered of renaissance beauty. Betsy and her friends tried on every dress in the crowed little boutique. They didn’t discriminate in size they just tried on the ones that appealed to them. Finally they settled on a very pale yellow Gunny Sax dress made from cotton gauze with mutton sleeves and white lace trim.
It was gorgeous. The girls already had her hair and her accessories figured out.
Finally the day of the banquet arrived and they all converged at Betsy’s house to help her prepare. Constance and Kyla were also attending the banquet so it worked out perfectly. They fussed over one another and made the necessary adjustments. They each took a final spin in the mirror to make sure there were no tags or loose threads then went downstairs to await their dates. What they didn’t check was the transparency of their dresses and their menses cycles.
Fred and his buddies showed up to retrieve their lovely dates. They squeezed into the Datsun B210 and sped away to the local country club for the banquet. They arrived in plenty of time for the awards presentation and listened intently as the local college’s football coach gave his inspiration speech. It was just about time for the dinner to be served when Betsy felt something a little strange. She leaned over and whispered to Constance “I need to visit the ladies room, will you come with me?” We all know that girls and women can not attend the ladies room alone they must take a friend. The girls made their excuses to their dates and headed towards the powder room.

Betsy stood first with Constance following. She heard Constance gasp. She turned toward Constance half expecting to see her friend on the floor after tripping over her long dress or something else that would be equally horribly embarrassing. She saw her friend standing there terror struck. Connie ran toward Betsy turned her around and firmly planted herself behind Betsy. Then she leaned in and whispered in her ear. Just walk with me like this. Betsy tried to turn and face her friend but was in a bear hug and couldn’t budge. “WHAT? Why are you doing this? You’re freakin me out” Betsy cried. Connie continued to walk Betsy toward the restroom whispering in her ear “trust me just do what I tell you to do!”
They arrived safely in the restroom and Connie let Betsy go. Connie grabbed her by the shoulders and asked “Betsy, are you on your period?” Betsy turned beat red and said “yeah, why?” Connie hugged her friend and said “I think your pad slipped. The back of your dress in covered in blood.” Now for you guys out there you have no idea how devastating this is. Not only is mortifying because now EVERYONE was aware that you are on your period but it is also gross. I mean look what happened to Cissy Spacek in the movie Carrie. It is even worse when you are sixteen and everything is more dramatic than it should be.

Betsy couldn’t go back out there. She couldn’t face all those people who had seen her pale yellow gauzy dress that was now a bloody mess. She was devastated. She looked at her friend with tears in her eyes and said “go call my mom to come get me. I’m going to stay in here.” Her friend did as she was asked and finally Betsy’s mom showed up. Connie again put her friend in a reverse bear hug and walked her out the door. She helped her into the car then crawled in the back seat. Betsy looked at her friend and said “no! You need to stay. Go back in and enjoy the rest of the banquet.” Connie just patted her friend’s shoulder and said “nope. I’m staying with you.”

I would love to tell you that was the last of the situation. Unfortunately kids are cruel. The incident was not forgotten and from then on Betsy was known as Bloody Betsy. The upside was she knew who her true friends were.

Lulu, Too Legit To Quit

It’s Lulu’s birthday today. Who is Lulu? She is the youngest of our children. She is the baby, the last of the brood. She is the quiet, contemplative one. She is the first of Kahuna’s children I ever met and it was quite by accident. She is also the one that I am the most fiercely protective over. She is the one that I seem to identify with the most. Maybe it is because we are both the babies of our families or maybe it’s because we both have a thing about baking or it could be our love of shoes I am not really sure. I just know that there is something about her that draws me in. She doesn’t know this and please don’t tell her but she pretty much can walk all over me and get her way with very little protest.

What I didn’t know about Lulu, because she is so quiet, is that she is hilarious. She has a great sense of humor and a wit that is not only quick but posesses an apt perception of events that translates into hilarious repartee. I do have to tell you that of the birthday’s with which I have been privileged to share with her, none of them have been dull. You can read about her last birthday at my post called “Sisters”. What I haven’t told you about was her 18th birthday some years ago. Yes I was very eventful taking about 15 people to the river, renting pontoon boats and trying to keep them out of the bars and casinos. We won’t even talk about the unfortunate event that happened on the freeway on the way home. We won’t mention the fact that somehow or another the vehicle she was driving got thrown into reverse at seventy-miles per hour. Oh wait I just mentioned it didn’t I?
I do want Lulu to know how much I appreciate her. I want her to know that we may have differences in the way we do things and we may have differences of opinions but all of that is what makes a good relationship. It gives all of us a good balance. I want her to know what a strong, brave and independent woman she has become and how very proud I am of her. I am proud of her scholastic ability and the way in which she handles herself and those around her. I am awed and proud of her ability to assess a situation and call it for what it is. I am impressed with her compassion and caring.
All in all I just want her to know how much I love her. Oh I know I didn’t birth you. I know I wasn’t there when you learned to walk or spoke you first words but that doesn’t change the way my heart feels for you. It doesn’t change the pride, love and warmth I feel for you.
My birthday wish for you my sweet child is that it is the first of many happy, healthy and fun filled for you’re in your now legal, legitimately adult life. Now go have a good time and please this year don’t end up in the pokey.

Just the Facts Week Ending 6/23/2009

There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")

The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 6-23-09

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Julius Macker (comments by Gladys)

06-17-09
12:30 p.m. Two neighbors in West Glacier are involved in a neighborhood dispute. Evidently, one neighbor is upset with the other neighbor for shooting in his own yard. The shooting is being done in a safe and legal manner.
Yes but was he shooting at the other neighbor?

3:27 p.m. An 8year-old girl suffered a laceration in the Four Corners area.
Just exactly which part of the body is your Four Corners?

4:13 p.m. Two individuals are living beneath a bridge near a local RV park. Patrons of the park became nervous when one of them emerged to use the municipal restroom.
Are they trolls?

4:33 p.m. A wood frame commercial building was emanating a strong gas odor. Authorities did not detect any dangerous leaks.
Did they pull each other’s finger?

5:34 p.m. A landlord and tenant on Tamarack Lane are engaged in what is reported to be a “cat issue.” The tenant wants to keep a cat and the landlord disagrees.
Maybe the landlord doesn’t want to own a Cathouse.

6:08 p.m. A black lab mix was escorted to the shelter.
Did he have to call an escort service? Did his escort come from the Cathouse?

6:20 p.m. Kids on motorcycles were creating too much noise and dust on Harmony Road.
That doesn’t sound very harmonious.

6:46 p.m. A meeting at a Somers school somehow erupted into a heated verbal argument. The incident involved 30 people, at least half of whom were yelling loudly. Although the reporting party feared that it might escalate into violence, the agitated parties soon left the premises.
I told Martha Jean that serving Margaritas and tequila shooters before the PTA meeting wasn’t a very good idea

9:29 p.m. Two men were arguing in a vehicle near a local church. One of the individuals then threw rocks at the other’s car.

Now looky here Reverend Jones, you gotta stop throwing rocks. Stoning is illegal.

11:30 p.m. A bear wandered through a Hungry Horse yard, tipping several trash cans in the process.

Sounds like Yogi is still looking for that pick-a-nick basket.

3:58 a.m. Someone spotted a wild mountain lion.
As compared to a tame one?
6/22/2009

1:03 a.m. Two neighbors on Haywire Gulch are quarrelling over a loud muffler.
Sounds like it went Haywire.

1:52 a.m. A possibly intoxicated female, dressed all in black, was walking eastbound on Highway 2. She was gone when authorities arrived.
She’s a witch burn her!
A witch?
She turned me into a Newt!
A Newt?
I got better.(Monty Python an the Holy Grail)

3:18 a.m. Someone may have heard a woman screaming in the woods. The woman could not be located.

It was the woman dressed in black, she’s a witch burn her.
4:55 p.m. A woman showed up to visit a friend at the county jail and was found to have a warrant out for her arrest. She quickly joined her friend behind bars.
Now that’s a true friend. Come to see you in jail and then join you.

7:42 p.m. An individual known only as “Bam-Bam” was threatening his brother-in-law at a Coram bar.
I wonder where Pebbles was. Do you think Barney came and got him out of trouble?

8:13 p.m. Consumption of large amounts of alcohol contributed to violence on Harmony Road. A young individual was rendered unconscious by his mother’s boyfriend.
I think they need to change the name of Harmony Road.
06-18-09
9:12 a.m. A newspaper rack was stolen from an Evergreen gas station.
Maybe someone doesn’t like the news. Or maybe it’s a case of “no news in good news”.

11:22 a.m. A barking dog ran at large in Lake Blaine Drive.
At a large what? Large people? Large trees?

1:12 p.m. A West Bowman Drive resident called to report that there was an injured squirrel in his yard. Authorities arrived to find the creature deceased.

Sounds like it was more than injured sounds like it was fatal.

5:20 p.m. A man on a bicycle was swearing and approaching other individuals on the bike path. He was located and escorted to jail for disorderly conduct.
Who knew there was such a thing as bike rage.

8:50 p.m. Someone reports that a subcontractor is making threats over the phone regarding payment for services.

Times are tough sometime you have to send Guido out to collect your money.

9:58 p.m. A blue Chevy Blazer was ablaze on College Avenue.
Why else would you call it a Blazer?

12:45 a.m. Three or four intoxicated individuals engaged in a verbal argument in Lakeside.
There is nothing funnier than watching a bunch of drunks in a battle of wits.
06-19-09
7:49 a.m. In Happy Valley, a vehicle with Canadian plates passed a driver and then abruptly slammed on the brakes.
Those damned Canadians bringing their Canadian road rage here. I mean we never had road rage until they taught us.

10:43 a.m. Someone smelled a strong gas odor in Whitefish. The energy company responded and found no evidence of a leak.
I’m telling you it’s all that granola that everyone has been eating. Well, that and broccoli.

1:19 p.m. A very intoxicated individual wrecked on a bicycle and was bleeding from the head.
Friends don’t let friends bike drunk.

2:21 p.m. Someone in the Flathead Valley is evidently threatening someone who lives out-of-state.

So don’t answer the phone. Honestly people you are in control, if you don’t answer the phone they can’t threaten you. There is no law that says you HAVE to answer the phone.
6:37 p.m. A driver almost collided with illegally parked cars in Lakeside. The cars were promptly moved.
Now see I think this is an effective way to get people to not park where they shouldn’t. Just act like your going to ram them.

11 p.m. A female resident of River Junction Road feels that a man might be looking in her windows.
It was Bigfoot.

9:09 p.m. Someone in Bigfork believes that someone broke into her apartment within the past two days. Though no items are missing, there is evidence of forced entry around the door.
She needs to look for hidden cameras.

9:19 p.m. Three teens were skateboarding on Highway 2, waving their arms and obstructing the road.

I would be waving my arms too if I were trying to skateboard in fact I would look like a windmill.

9:27 p.m. A dog bit a neighbor in Somers.

Wonder why the dog doesn’t like the neighbor.
06-22-09
9:04 a.m. A 16-year-old girl and her mother were verbally abusing one another.
Parent much?

9:21 a.m. A 3-year-old child was found by the side of the road in front of a Lower Valley Road home. Though the child claimed that both parents were at work, the mother was soon located in the home.
Now see this 3 year old will be verbally abusing her mother in about 13 years and the police will have to intervene.

10:06 a.m. A 2-year-old child went missing near West Reserve Drive. The child was quickly found and returned home.

I know two year olds are slipperier than snail snot, that is why you must always keep them duct taped to the wall.

10:53 a.m. A dog in Columbia Falls was charging people as they walked by.
How much was he charging and what did they get for their money?

10:57 a.m. A dump truck rolled in Whitefish. No other vehicles were involved.

Well I guess that is one way to dump your truck.

3:51 p.m. An attempted burglary went awry when the would-be thief encountered the homeowner’s dog. The dog bit and cornered the individual in the home, prompting him to call for medical attention.
What they didn’t tell you was the dog was a 2 lb Chihuaha

4:34 p.m. A resident of an Evergreen trailer court tried to persuade a 9-year-old boy to come into his trailer home.
Where is Dateline and Chris Hanson when you need them?

5:57 p.m. Someone stole an unknown amount of hay in Evergreen.
Hey! Someone took my hay!

8:13 p.m. An intoxicated male fell into the ditch on Lake Blaine Road. Authorities escorted him to a safe location.
Did that safe location have 3 hots and a cot?

9:47 p.m. A Rottweiler leaped over a fence at the dog owner’s girlfriend and her black lab. The lab was viciously attacked.
Someone needs to call Ceasar Milan. He would take care of the Rotty.

2:24 p.m. Someone was spinning brodies and throwing beer bottles at a Bigfork school.
Schools out for the summer.
Joe Friday Quote of the Week:
“A lot of officers are sick and tired of what's going on. It's hard to work in this environment.”

Not So Tan

I come from a family of melanomers. What I mean is we are susceptible or predisposed or whatever you want to call it. We get skin cancers. My daddy, Trooper Bob, has been plagued with them and has lost several inches of skin to it. When we were kids we had no idea that this was even an issue. We would slather ourselves with baby oil. We would head out to the backyard with our roll of Reynolds Wrap stretch it out then lie on top and sizzle like bacon. We did the often and we loved getting sunburned. If you got sunburn that meant you would peel and if you peeled that means you would be tan next. If you were tan then you could be deep dark tropical tan. If you were deep dark tropical tan then you were beautiful. We did these things never thinking that one day our skin would look like bad beef jerky or be splattered and polka dotted with melanomas.

So now that we are older and supposedly wiser we no longer lie in the sun baking like a Christmas Goose. No, now we cover and smother ourselves in 5000 SPF sunscreen wear long sleeved turtle neck tops and long pants to the beach. We then spend the rest of the time we are at the beach moving the umbrella from side to side in order to stay out of the sun and be shielded from its evil effects.

Now when we want a healthy glow or the slimming effects of a tan we do what is healthy and natural. We search out our oldest swimsuit. We shave our legs and loofa our backs. We wrap our hair in a turban and head out to the spray on tanning booth. We step inside and within a short time we step out arms held far from our sides reeking of iodine tan and glowing. The other option is to buy a self tanner from your local store. This has to be healthier than actually sitting outside in the sun right?

Since having Dr. Mengila operated on me last summer I had decided that I would no longer be the beach lizard lying on the beach absorbing all those unhealthy vitamin D laden rays. No from here on out I am getting my Vitamin D the old fashioned way, from a bottle marked Nature’s Way. I made my way to the local Squall-mart and perused the cosmetic aisle until I found the one that looked like it would work. It said “No Streaking”. That is just the one I needed because honestly no one needs to see me running naked across a football field or the Academy Awards. I went home and followed the instructions to the letter. I bathed and exfoliated. I made sure my skin was perfectly dry. I shook the bottle liberally. I then applied generously being careful to apply too much to the knees and elbows. I rubbed and swirled and wiped until I had covered every inch of my body including the wrinkles and folds. I then went about my business being careful not to touch any parts which were covered in tanning potion. I waited the required time limitations and then dressed.

I was feeling good. I mean no longer was I the whitest woman in America. I was now supermodel tan. I was movie star tan. I was Hawaiian Tropic Tan. I had pulled out my cutest summer frock. I slid my oh so tan feet into my cutest sandals. I pulled my hair up off my shoulders so everyone could see my shimmery summer shoulders. I was summer ready. I then went out. I went out into public. I went out into public where there were lots of other people. I went out into public were there were lots of other people and it was really bright and sunshiny. I went all day strutting my tanned tannishness.

Finally after being out on the town all day I returned to my humble abode and began the process of dinner. I spilled some sauce on my shirt and decided I would go change clothes. I stripped off my blouse and saw the first of them. I had big white splotches all over my arms and stomach. Then I took a hard look at my legs and they also had big white splotches. I turned on the light and looked closer. I was covered in polka dots from head to toe. I had walked all over town, gone to the grocery, visited the mall and had even been to the nail salon. I turned my hands over and looked at them. The palms of my hands were orange. My feet were orange and around my knees were orange and my ankles looked like someone had taken a paintbrush of red mud and painted my legs. Yes I was a vision of loveliness.

Happy Father's Day

Today is Father’s day. I have to say I have a great father. He is funny and interesting as you have witnessed in my Trooper Bob series of stories. He is also pretty pragmatic. I can remember coming home all in a snit and him listening to my drama of the day. He would look at me with his piercing blue eyes, his mouth would curl up into a smile and he would say “Baby girl, what difference does it make? Just let it go.”

He was and still is very obvious. The fact of the matter is sometimes he is Captain Obvious. Take for instance the day that Matilda wanted to drive the tractor. Now I want you to picture an ancient big behemoth of a metal machine. Did you ever watch Green Acres? Do you remember the tractor that Eddie Albert had that would fart and pop and billow blue smoke? That was our tractor. I don’t know from where it came, I just remember it being down by the garden. We, as children, were enthralled with big machinery. This of course was our holy grail. We would crawl all over it, pretend we were plowing the north forty or harvesting the grain.

One day Trooper Bob offered for Matilda to drive the tractor for real. She was so excited she hopped up on the step and promptly grabbed the stack. That would be the exhaust stack, the hot exhaust stack. Matilda let out a blood curdling scream as she yanked her hand off the flesh cooking piece of metal. Captain Obvious ran over to Matilda and said “don’t touch that it’s hot”! Thank you Captain, she would not have known that if you hadn’t told her. Then to pour salt on then would he say “man you moved fast. It didn’t take you long to look at that.”

He in addition to being pragmatic and Captain Obvious was also a teacher. Oh yes he taught us so many things. I am able to scale a fish, bait a hook, pop the head off a game bird and cook a mean venison chili because of him. He taught me to drive a vehicle with a manual transmission and how to do a 360 using my parking brake and the accelerator. This is very useful if you find yourself in a chase and need to turn around and confuse your pursuer. He taught me how to hammer a nail without choking up on my hammer and hitting my thumb. He taught me how to screw down a tin roof and how to start a fire. He taught me how to change my own oil in my car although I avoid this at all costs. I am not the most graceful person in the world so you can just imagine what I look like after I have pulled the plug on the oil pan accidently bumping the container out of the way and ending up with it up my nose and down my throat. My daddy of course would be Captain Obvious in this situation and tell me “keep the container UNDER the oil pan cause that oil taste like shit.” How he knows what shit tastes like is another story.

So as spawn of Captain Obvious I would just like to state the obvious, I love my daddy. So here is my message to my daddy:
An unmistakable trait of every true genius is their persistent awareness of how much more there is to know. And an unmistakable trait of every true sage is their persistent awareness of how much more there is to love.
Loving you more today than yesterday, Thank you for being my daddy.

Random Thoughts 6-19-2009 and a Woody

What did you think I was talking about?

As part of my normal random thoughts I thought I would also add some random conversations I overheard this week. Oh stop looking at me like that. You do it too. Sitting in a restaurant, shopping, at the grocery and even in the salon you listen to other people's conversations. I often end up places alone and ultimately there is nothing better for me to do than people watch and well of course eavesdrop.

Overheard at the grocery from a woman on her cell phone:

I know mother but if we don't get him fixed he will continue to hump everything in sight. No he didn't get that new job but I have high hopes.

Maybe he would get that new job if he quit humping all of his potential employers. Or maybe just maybe he would get a better position if he continues humping everything in site. (pun intended)

Overheard on the beach:

My grandmother came in the room right after I had gotten out of the shower. She was telling me how beautiful I was then she said I was so beautiful that she wanted to take a picture of me. So there I stood with wet hair and in a bath towel smiling waiting for Grandma to snap away so I could finish getting dressed. Then she looked at me and said "drop the towel"

Wow Grandma, I didn't know you were into pimping out your granddaughter.

Overheard on the beach:

All week long men have been stopping me on the beach and the street telling me I should be in movies. They all think I should be a movie star.

This is from the same girl whose grandma wanted her to drop the towel. Maybe it's that huge playboy bunny tramp stamp tattoo across your butt cap that they want to see on the big screen.

Did you hear about the Governator? Yeah read this.

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has warned lawmakers they need to act boldly and make some tough budget choices, sent Senate President Pro Tem Darrell Steinberg a metal sculpture of bull testicles.

Maybe he should have given them some real testicles.

Why do men who are going bald think if they comb the three hairs they have left over their bald spot it looks better than just being bald?

Why do people slow down to a crawl on the freeway for no apparent reason?

And, why is it those same people get pissed if you are in front of them and drive the maximum speed allowed by law?

Now for today's adult beverage recipe…

1oz coconut rum
½ oz amaretto almond liqueur
4 oz orange juice
½ oz grenadine syrup
Shake rum, amaretto and orange juice in a shaker filled with ice. Strain into a highball glass over ice. Add grenadine and garnish with a pineapple wedge and a strawberry.

Let’s not forget that today is Friday Fragments over at Mrs. 4444’s Half Past Kissing Time. Go on over and check her out.
Also and too today is VGNO (virtual girl’s night out) over at Ann Again and Again… Put your party shoes on and join in the fun. Oh and she has a contest going on for some really nice body care products.
Don’t forget Sunday is Daddy’s Day. What are you doing for your Father? Go give your Daddy lots of love.

Oh Yeah and don't forget to go over to Bogluxe and vote for your favorite funny blogger. Um...that would be me right?

Rootin Tootin Cowgirl

I have told you before that my daddy was my mentor in so many things. One of the things he gave me a love of cowboy shows. I’m talking about the Lone Ranger, Gene Autry, Roy Rodgers and King of the Texas Rangers. Some sang, some had a girl but all of them lived by a code. They lived by the Code of the West. The code of the west was never written although Mr. Ramon Adams in his book “The Cowman and His Code of Ethics” spelled it out pretty well. John Wayne one of the greatest Cowboys said “A Man’s gotta have a code or a creed to live by no matter what his job.”

Now if you ever watched Roy Rodgers and Dale Evans or King of the Texas Rangers you would know they had a creed in which they lived by. I remember Saturday afternoons as a kid lying on the huge leather hassock that we inherited from my grandmother. It was one of the few times besides Christmas that we were allowed in the living room. We would turn on the big Zenith black and white television and watch these cowboys rescue the girl and save the farm. They would track down cattle rustlers and bring in horse thieves. I would lose myself in those Saturday afternoon serials and there was always a cliffhanger.

Then my sister Matilda and I would put on our red cowboy boots, grab our white cowboy hats, we were the good guys, and run out to saddle up our trusty steeds. Here is where I would love to tell you I had a beautiful palomino just like Roy Rodgers’ horse Trigger. Sadly, I only had a stick horse. Mine was made from a broom stick. I would gallop and ride all over the neighborhood. Matilda and I would strap on our six guns and set our hats on tight and ride into the fray. We were the Lone Ranger and Tonto, Gene Autry and Smiley Burnett, Poncho and Cisco we were Matilda and Gladys. Yes I was always the comic sidekick, what do you expect she was bigger and older than me. She would wrestle the cattle rustlers, track down the horse thieves and of course would always be the hero of the day. Like Don Quixote she would battle windmills or in our case the bird bath. We would ride the range and move our cattle who in was really a wiener dog and a boxer.

One afternoon our adventures took us to the creek. The creek was located directly behind our house. There was a very steep bank to the creek one that could not be ascended or descended without the aide of a rope. The trail boss and I descended to the creek with thoughts of crossing our homemade plank bridges to the other side in order to play in the big empty field. We could ride our herd much better over there. We started across the first bridge when all of a sudden the villain appeared. He too wanted to cross the bridge only he was headed right at the two of us. Now both of us were brave cowgirls. We knew how to handle ourselves in the presence of pure evil. We looked that snake in the eye and screamed bloody murder. Then we ran, as fast as our little red cowgirl boots would carry us up that creek bank without the aide of the rope. We didn’t stop until we got into the house still screaming bloody murder. That water moccasin probably did the same thing. He probably slithered back to his home screaming his snake scream at the top of his serpentine lungs.

We decided that our backyard was wild enough to roam through. We didn’t visit the bridges of Cedar Creek for a long, long time. We did however catch many a horse thief and foil a number of cattle rustlers.

Just the Facts Week Ending 6/16/2009

There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")

The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 6-16-09

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Julius Macker (comments by Gladys)

06-09-09
3:29 a.m. Someone heard three or four men fighting and yelling outside her home. They were found to be simply goofing around and all was well.

Boys will be boys.

3:57 a.m. An individual on Solberg Lane heard a loud “bang” and discovered that her mailbox had been crunched, presumably by a moving motor vehicle.

This used to happen to my dad's mailbox. He got real tired of having to replace it every other week so he fixed it. He went out and stuck a pipe in the ground, then filled it with concrete then built a wooden box around the 36" concrete filled pipe and put the mail box on top. One night the gang of mailbox killers careened around the corner taking out all the neighbor's mailboxes until they hit Trooper Bob's. Guess what he found in his front drive the next morning? The offender's car totaled.

7:25 a.m. Several horses were grazing in an O'Brien Lane yard. They were gone when authorities arrived.

Last week it was that dadblamed cow gang this week it’s horses. Maybe they were just horsing around. 10:35 a.m. A missing child on Fifth Avenue was later found in the home.

What were you doing that you lost your child in your own home.

11:14 a.m. Someone noticed a gas odor on Second Street. The situation was amended within 30 minutes.
Gas-X?
12:04 p.m. An inebriated individual was collecting trash along River Road.
Well at least he was a civic minded drunk.

1:08 p.m. Someone thought that several checks had been stolen from his billfold. Come to find out, he had actually written the checks himself.
Did he write himself a hot check?

2:58 p.m. Someone stole the hood from a 1984 GMC pickup truck.
Why?

4:29 p.m. After falling asleep, a driver collided with a fire hydrant which then spurted large amounts of water.
I have heard of throwing cold water on people to wake them up but this is a little much.

5:21 p.m. In Hungry Horse, five or six cats have utterly destroyed a neighbor’s yard and annihilated several robins’ nests.
Oh JEEZE now we have a gang of cats? What is this world coming to?

9:23 p.m. Six to 10 cows were running wild on Helena Flats Road. A local farmer assisted in rounding up the herd.
They were looking for a Rumble. Now sing it with me…
When you're a Cow,

You're a Cow all the way

From your first salt lick

To your last bale of hay.

When you're a Cow,

If the spit hits the fan,

You got brothers around,

you're a bovine man!

You're never alone,

You're never disconnected!

You're home with your own:

When company's expected,

You're well protected! 06-10-09
6:29 a.m. On North Hill Road, a horse was caught in a fence. He was able to extricate himself without assistance.
It was those Cows that did this.

8:30 a.m. Approximately a year and half ago, a burglary occurred on Alberta Street. The involved parties, who were at the time in the throes of divorce, suspect one another of committing the crime.
A YEAR AGO? Nothing like filing a timely report.

11:05 a.m. Graffiti appeared on the side of a vehicle in Evergreen.
I wonder if it was Cow tagging?

11:12 a.m. Someone in Columbia Falls feels as if he is being harassed by a neighbor. In reality, however, he is not actually being harassed.
Hey don’t tell me how to feel!

1:27 p.m. A homeowner in Columbia Falls is certain that someone broke into his house. It is unclear how the intruder entered the home, and no items were taken.

It was the phantom cat burglar. Did he check to make sure they didn’t take his cat?
3:50 p.m. Someone in Hungry Horse was peering through a neighbor’s windows and noticed that a dog had been alone in the home “all day and all night.”
Why were they peering through their neighbor’s window?

4:52 p.m. A horse in Whitefish refuses to stay within the confines of a fence.
He joined the gang. He won’t be told what to do.

5:48 p.m. A man described as “extremely unusual” and “shabby-looking” was wandering around in Whitefish.
OK that just described ½ of the people in Whitefish. Heck that just described ½ the people everywhere.

8:15 p.m. Someone from North Dakota is threatening a West Glacier resident. The two have never met.
Honey, just hang up the phone and they will stop threatening you.

8:21 p.m. Four miniature donkeys continually run amok in a neighbor’s yard.
Not another gang! First it was the cows then the horses next came the cats and now miniature donkeys? What’s next?

10:18 p.m. An individual at a local diner took one bite of his steak, claimed that it was “rotten” and promptly stormed out without paying. He was later located in a gully behind a nearby box store.
It sounds like it was poisoned not rotten

06-11-09
7:05 a.m. A gentleman on Lower Valley Road stepped out in front of a moving vehicle and proceeded to gesture obscenely at the driver. He was identified as wearing a hat and trench coat and carrying a paper bag.
Was he wearing anything under the trench coat? Was his name Tyrone and was he asking Gladys if she wanted to see his Walunetto?

7:58 a.m. A golf ball collided with a vehicle, causing considerable damage.
FORE!

8:22 a.m. Horses on Helena Flats road are in the habit of leaning on a neighbor’s fence. They have damaged the fence many times over the course of their fence-leaning lives.
It’s the E13 gang hanging out again. I bet they are hanging on the fence smoking and talking trash about the Cow Gang.

12:04 p.m. A white horse was spotted running north from the roller rink on Shady Lane. He was quickly apprehended by an off-duty fireman.
The E13’s hang out at the Roller Rink.

12:06 p.m. Someone found a parcel of marijuana at a Hungry Horse construction site.
And they turned it in?
06-12-09
7:31 a.m. Someone in Somers was met with verbal abuse while trying to repossess a fifth-wheeler.
Do you watch Repo Man? Man sometimes those guys get hammered by the owners. I would hate that job.

7:32 a.m. A husband and wife were loudly arguing somewhere along Highway 83.
Before or after they took his 5th wheel?

10:33 a.m. On Lake Hills Drive, someone reported that several items had been stolen from his car. He later discovered that they had simply been misplaced.
Now see I do that all the time but I never go as far as actually calling the police.

9*1*1 what's your emergency?

Gladys: Someone has stolen my glasses. They were right here in my hand and then they were gone. I think I have been pick-pocketed.

Dispatcher: Gladys have you checked on top of your head?

Gladys: Yes, I HAVE and they aren't there. I'm not stoopid you know.

Dispatcher: Yes ma'am. Is there a mirror close by? Go stand in front of the mirror and look closely. Do you see your glasses now?

Gladys: Your a GENIUS! Thank you. Now have you seen my keys?

11:38 a.m. Someone spun their tires in a Happy Valley yard, creating massive ruts in the lawn. I bet the homeowner wasn’t very Happy in his Valley.

4:25 p.m. A pony was lying prone in a field on Danielson Drive, arousing suspicions of animal cruelty. While the animal did have an injured leg, it had already been addressed by a veterinarian.

Another victim of the cow gang.

5:17 p.m. A small herd of horses was running down Highway 2. Authorities facilitated in an efficient round-up.
It was the Equine 13 gang going on a gallop by.

2:29 a.m. A father managed to corner his daughter’s boyfriend in her room. Evidently, the wily youth likes to sneak in late at night.
Ruh-Roh Rorge

6-15-09

8:18 a.m. Two cows and three calves were on the road, headed for the highway.
They were out recruiting more gang members

10:27 a.m. Someone tossed a brick through the window of a local elementary school.
I bet it was cows.

10:33 a.m. Several very thin horses were seen near Marion. They did, however, have hay and water and were quite healthy.
Maybe they were crackhead horses.

4:19 p.m. Reports of a “man down” behind a large box store turned out to be a transient taking a nap.
Well then I guess the report was accurate. He was lying down taking a nap.

3:09 p.m. An individual in Whitefish received medical attention after getting gasoline in his eyes. How he managed to do so is unknown.
He is a Dumbass that’s how.

6:25 p.m. Someone who was assaulted long ago has finally decided to press charges.
Like how long ago? 30 years?

12:30 a.m. A routine traffic stop turned into a high-speed chase bridging Flathead and Lake counties. The vehicle proceeded southbound on Highway 35 from Kalispell at 90 miles per hour, veering across all lanes of traffic, until authorities placed stop sticks in their path. This flattened both front tire and slowed progress to 35 miles per hour, at which point Montana Highway Patrol apprehended the driver and passengers. All three occupants were taken to the Juvenile Detention Center.
I don't think those kids thought that joy ride out.

12:31 a.m. A single car rolled after missing a corner off of Highway 93.
I take it this was AFTER the spike sticks.
06-16-09
8:09 a.m. An unidentified creature viciously attacked a dog on South Meadows Drive.
It was NOT Bigfoot. Bigfoot likes dogs. They taste like chicken.

9:56 p.m. A black bear cub was exploring a yard on Segiah Way and rummaging through the homeowner’s trash. The mother bear was also in the area.
They just wanted to see if there was a pic-a-nic basket BooBoo.

10:14 p.m. Another black bear was struck by a vehicle on Dower Draw. Though the bear was injured, he is expected to survive.
How the heck do you hit a bear? I mean it’s not like they jump out in front of you and go Boo.

10:34 p.m. Someone drove into a Whitefish ditch. Fortunately, she was not injured.
Was she avoiding a bear?

1:37 a.m. An unidentified animal is making a “high pitched growling” noise outside an individual’s home.
It was Bigfoot trying to sing falsetto.