Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Just the Facts Week ending 3-20-2009

There are a million stories in the city.


"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")

The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 3/20/2009

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…Julius Macker (comments by Gladys)


9:57 a.m. Two neighbors got into quarrel over one blowing snow onto the other’s property. The two settled the matter.

Remember that movie from way back in 1981 with John Belushi and Dan Akroyd? I think we have the sequel.

10:01 a.m. Someone on Rocky Cliff Drive reported that their former nanny stole items from their home when the job fell through. The nanny allegedly stole an iPod, a digital camera and a curling iron.

Ok, I understand the iPod and the digital camera but the curling iron? ‘I’ll show you for firing me! I’ll take your curling iron and you’ll have to walk around with straight hair!”

2:12 p.m. A set of keys was reported stolen on Vonderheide Lane. It turned out to be a civil dispute between a landlord and a tenant.

I think when they take the keys or change the locks it’s probably time to move.

3:54 p.m. Two family members were upset about a contract they had agreed on three years ago. One was accusing the other of fraud. It was deemed a civil matter and the two will work things out themselves.

This is why family should NEVER do business with family.

4:45 p.m. A dog bit someone on Third Avenue in Hungry Horse.

Maybe they need to change the name to Hungry Dog.

6:41 p.m. A vehicle was reported stolen from a church in Bigfork. It turns out the vehicle was repossessed not stolen.

Praying they won’t repossess evidently didn’t work for Reverend Fred.

7:41 p.m. A man believed his wallet was stolen or lost while shopping at a local grocery store. The man ended up finding his wallet and canceling the report.

Hum maybe he should have checked his pockets before calling 9-1-1.

9:16 p.m. Someone on Grand Drive could smell burning plastic and was concerned.

Sorry about that I was just microwaving dinner in my Rubbermaid containers again.


12:49 p.m. A stolen vehicle was reported to the front desk at the Flathead Justice Center. It was deemed a civil issue.

Now I’ll tell you who I am, I’m the repo man….(Iggy Pop)

1:14 p.m. Another vehicle was reported stolen, this time on Vonderheide Lane. This too was deemed a civil issue.

Repo man….

5:20 p.m. Neighbor kids were throwing snowballs at a woman’s dog on Cynthia Drive. Officers counseled both parties.

The dog was throwing snowballs too? That is one talented dog. I mean if I was in a snowball fight I would want a dog on my side too.


6:38 a.m. A 20-year-old female suffered a head injury while at a local fitness center. She was transported to Kalispell Regional Medical Center.

Oh thank God I’m not the only one who gets bucked of the Elliptical Machine.

8:26 a.m. A male drove a sedan into a snow bank near McGregor Lake Resort. He told the reporting party that he “was tweaking.”

Hummm wonder what he’s been smoking?

1:32 p.m. A 25-year-old was feeling weak while at a local pharmacy.

Well when your tweaking you tend to feel weak.


6:29 a.m. A suspicious male tried to approach a residence on Dern Road. The suspect was scared away by the owner’s dog.

Was the dog throwing snowballs at him?

1:57 p.m. A 25-year-old male used his cell phone to take a picture under a woman’s dress while shopping at a local department store. He was arrested for disorderly conduct.

She should have stuck that cell phone up his….

2:39 p.m. Someone tried to fill a phony prescription at a local pharmacy.

Must be tweaking again.

3:43 p.m. A suspicious male drove up to a window at a local coffee hut and made a strange request. The man, who had an East Coast accent and a vehicle with Bozeman plates, offered the woman at the window $50 to kick him in the groin. He had reportedly made similar requests to other female coffee shop attendants. The suspect then approached the door of the coffee shop and the attendant opened it to inform him she had called authorities. The suspect fled, and officers were unable to locate him.

This one speaks for itself.


11:55 a.m.
A driver of a white Ford Explorer was weaving back and forth, driving on the shoulder and brake checking on Reserve. Officers were unable to locate the driver.

I thought O.J. was in prison.


8:14 a.m. A 55-year-old woman didn’t show up for work. Officers checked on her and she was at home and OK.

You know you just can’t play hookie anymore.

4:09 p.m. A basset hound was stolen on Collier Lane. The owner of the dog said the animal has been stolen before.

I bet he throws a mean snowball and that’s why he keeps getting taken. Hey let’s go get Charlie the Basset Hound for our team. We’ll take him home after the fight.

4:45 p.m. A female on Evergreen Drive was transported to the hospital with a broken rib. Officers are investigating how she was injured.


5:38 p.m. A 50-year-old man was arrested for possible partner assault.

I think I’ve solved it.

8:34 p.m. A group of kids were throwing snowballs at cars on Highway 2 in Columbia Falls.

Did they have Charlie the Basset Hound with them?

12:34 a.m. There was a verbal disturbance in Evergreen. Two intoxicated neighbors were arguing about who should take care of one of the neighbor’s dog. They were able to work things out.
That Charlie the Basset Hound causes all kinds of havoc doesn’t he?


Debbie said...

Be on the lookout for a nanny getting down to some tunes but looking very stylish.

gigi said...

Your comments made me laugh today and I sure needed it! Thanks.

Tatersmama said...

Why did the suspect who wanted to be kicked in the groin leave?
When the cops showed up,THEY could have honored his request... and he wouldn't have had to keep asking.

Anne Marie said...

well, don't you have an interesting blog! it's definitely got a different perspective on things....it's refreshing!

Bob said...

I ran awa... I mean, he probably ran away because it would be bribery to offer a cop fifty bucks to kick you in the balls.

Tatersmama said...

AHA! So now we know the suspects name! It was Bob!

To tell you the truth, I think my ex (CHP) would have done it for nothing.

Toad and Friends said...

Once again truth is stranger than fiction. Unless your just pulling our leg, eh?

terri said...

are you sure that church vehicle was repossessed? So it's been possessed before? Do they have to perform exhorcisms on repossessed cars?

babbler said...

You have solved some of the most heinous crimes I have ever read! Thank you for being the upstanding and concerned citizen that you are. I would not be surprized if you get Deputized! Hello from all of us here at Slug's Rest, we gather round your blog like it was a radio show in the 30's! Now THAT's entertainment! Thanks Gladys!

Jacki said...

I do feel sorry for the police officers that have to respond to these types of calls. Seems like a huge waste of time and tax money.