Just the Facts Week ending 3-9-2009

There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")

The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 2-13-09

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…Jake Grilley (comments by Gladys)


Wednesday 3-4-2009

12:43 a.m. A woman on Highway 35 called to report that someone stole items from her purse while she was at a party in Evergreen. When officers arrived, the woman was passed out but breathing. Officers decided they would take her report when she was sober.

Wow what did she have in that purse?

3:55 a.m. A man was lying in the street on Third Avenue in Columbia Falls with lacerations on his face.

Do you think he found the purse

9:12 a.m. Someone on Shady Lane asked for extra patrol after seeing a large footprint outside their window.

Big Foot! I told you he exists.

12:09 p.m. A door was damaged on a home on North Ferndale Road. The resident requested extra patrols.

I think it was Big Foot trying to get in.

4:00 p.m. Two drivers got involved in a verbal altercation on Highway 93 after one driver cut the other off. They were cursing at each another out their windows.

I have said this before and I’ll say it again. This is Flathead not Los Angeles. Knock it off!

6:41 p.m. A suspicious person was reported at the Rainbow Bar. The subject was gone when officers arrived.

Why was he suspicious? Was he not drinking therefore suspicious?

7:05 p.m. Talk of divorce spurred a verbal argument on Blanchard Hollow Road. The two parties were separated.

Well duh! That’s what divorce is…Separation.

Thursday 3-5-2009

11:57 a.m. Someone climbed through a window at a residence in Hungry Horse and took appliances. It was deemed a civil matter, so no report was filed.

Now see I would have liked to have seen this. Picture it. A guy trying to squeeze a refrigerator out a window. Hey maybe it was Big Foot.

1:09 p.m. Officers investigated an embezzlement warrant on Beaver Lake Road. They were unable to locate a suspect.

Bobbie sue took the money and run. Go on take the money and run. Go on take the money and run. Go on take the money and run. Go on take the money and run ...Go on take the money and run… (Steve Miller)

1:45 p.m. A disturbance over a trailer led to a verbal altercation that led to some pushing. Charges weren’t filed because it was unclear which party started the physical altercation.

I didn’t start it he started it. Nuhuh he started it. Uh-hun I didn’t he did. MOOOOOOMMMMM! Big Foot Started it!

3:37 p.m. A woman on Harmony Road reported that her 5-year-old son was hitting her.

Parent your children! What is wrong with people??

3:52 p.m. Another suspicious vehicle was reported on Highway 2. A gray truck was speeding. It turned out to be a private investigator working on a case.

I have my next excuse when I get stopped for speeding. No officer I’m a P.I. and I am in pursuit of Big Foot.

5:30 p.m. A vehicle was spinning cookies on Evergreen Drive.

Yumm cookies…

6:58 p.m. A night of drinking in Martin City led to a disturbance. A property owner fired a warning shot to get a man to leave. The man left and later found himself bleeding. The 55-year-old thought that he had been shot, but authorities believe that he most likely put his hand through a glass window. Officers are investigating the matter.

Wow how drunk was he? He didn’t remember putting his hand through a window?

6:59 p.m. A man that had been drinking fell down the stairs on Fox Hill Drive.

It hasn’t been a good day for drunks.

7:07 p.m. The driver of a white Toyota pickup was trying to climb a snow bank near an Evergreen auto dealership.

Why? Because it’s there. Or maybe he was chasing Big Foot.

11:48 p.m. There was a possible prowler on Trap Road. The resident heard talking and rattling of their doorknob. Authorities were unable to locate a suspect.

I think it was Big Foot.


Monday 3-9-2009

1 p.m. A pregnant woman was caught shoplifting at Wal-Mart. She started having contractions when she was apprehended. She was transported to Kalispell Regional Medical Center and received a citation for shoplifting.

I like how they didn’t let her go just because she was having contractions. Can you hear her reasons in court?
Your honor I was out of my mind. I was in child birth and I didn’t know what I was doing.

3:13 p.m. A property dispute between neighbors led to one neighbor threatening to beat the other one up. Officers investigated and the threats were unfounded.

Nothing like good neighbors!

3:50 p.m. A 40-year-old male suffered a fractured ankle while skiing on Big Mountain.

This is why I don’t ski.

4:06 p.m. Possible unsafe shooting was reported on Trap Road. Someone was shooting toward a road. Officers asked the party to stop shooting in that direction.

An unsafe shooting? What is a safe shooting? Would that be shooting with a camera? I bet he was shooting at...you guessed it BIG FOOT.

5:19 p.m. A 70-year-old male fell while on Big Mountain. He was suffering from a shortness of breath and abdominal pain. He was transported to North Valley Hospital.

Again this is why I don’t ski.

8:49 p.m. Someone at a local restaurant couldn’t pay for their dinner because there were unauthorized charges on their card. It was deemed a civil matter and the party and the restaurant settled it.

I know I use that excuse too. What? I’m over my limit? Someone must be putting thing on my card without my permission, like Macy’s and Shoes R Us.

11:02 p.m. Someone on Foys Lake Road hit the wrong number on their phone and mistakenly dialed 911.

Edna is that you?
No ma’am this is 911 what is your emergency?
What? There’s an emergency? What’s wrong Edna?
No ma’am this is 9*1*1. Do YOU have an emergency?
No I’m not going through a pregnancy? Edna your too old to be pregnant.
No MA’AM this is EMERGENCY DISPATCH.
What you’ve seen Sasquatch? Yeah Edna he tried to break into my house! You should have seen the footprint outside my window. I’m tellin you it was BIG FOOT!

Joe Friday Quote:

Sergeant Joe Friday: The subject was booked under Section 601 - in danger of leading an idle, dissolute, or immoral life.