Let Me Introduce You To Techman

The other day I got an email from Doodles, my daughter-in-law, which I of course took very seriously. It was a survey and of course we all take these VERY seriously and answer them most reverently. I followed the instructions to the letter because as I’ve told you before I always do as I’m told. Then I sent back to her and passed it on to various individuals who I knew would take this as gravely as I.

It was moments later that I got that infamous alert “You’ve Got Mail” and I excitedly clicked on the little envelope. I had my first response on the survey. It was from Techman, my son, who gets his wit and sense of humor from his father. I read his answers. I changed my wet pants and cleaned off my screen and keyboard I thought I would share them with you.

The Country Doctor has The Oracle, I give you Techman….

Let’s Play 20 Questions…Who are you?... Erase my answers and put in yours, then forward it along if you wish…

1. What kind of family did you grow up in?

I grew up in a matriarchal household…my mother had many mates. They would bring her a gift, usually an animal carcass for food…then she would let them have their way. But that was only after a weird dance they would perform around a bundle of sticks. To this day, a wicker basket creeps me out.

2. What is your favorite childhood memory?

A chalkboard, ice cubes and a tire. GOOD TIMES!!!!!

3. What is your five ear plan?

I only have two ears so I don’t know what this means….but I do need to clip my toe nails…?

4. List five things you absolutely love?

Those bump reflector things on the road, stick bugs, losing my keys, puppies and laundry. Man I love puppies!!!

5. List five things you absolutely hate?

People stomping on the floor above me, cinder blocks, puppies, rainbows and listing five things. Damn! I HATE PUPPIES!!!!

6. What do you value most?

Any amount + $1. That would make my values ever increasing!!!! That way, I can take your values and then add $1…and all of a sudden, my values are more than yours!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

7. What are you passionate about?

Window treatments, nothing says passion fruit like a strawberry curtain over your bedroom window!! YEEEE-OOWW!!

8. What are you most proud of?

*CUE MUSIC—I’m proud to be an American, ‘cause then I know I’m free!

9. If you had an entire day to do whatever you wanted, what would it be?

Didn’t I do this yesterday?! Let’s see…what did I do? Oh that’s right, I saved some puppies, then fed the homeless, helped create a clean source of energy and defeated the Covenant…all in a day’s (off) work!

10. Are you an outgoing person or more reserved?

Well, I don’t like making dinner reservations if that’s what you mean.

11. Do people usually like you?

People usually like me for my moustache.

12. Have you ever been in love, if so how many times?

I love pizza….4 times.

13. What are your fears, both silly and serious?

My fears? Hmm…Tears, just like the band.

14. Do you have any regrets in life?

I don’t have any grets, let alone regrets. That’s kinda like asking a lazy person, “Hey! Did you ever “recreate” something?!” Well we all know he’s lazy, so he never initially created something to have to recreate it!! Duh!

15. Is there anything about yourself that you would change or don’t like?

Sometimes I don’t like that I have 6 fingers on my right hand…you would think it helps…but honestly it gets costly having to paint that extra nail.

16. If a genie could grand you 3 wishes what would they be?

I would first wish for One Billion, Gazillion, Quadrillion wishes…then sky’s the limit!! What wouldn’t I wish for?! Ha!

17. If you were president for a day, what law would you want to enact?

I wouldn’t enact a law so much as I would create a National Holiday…called, National Stand on One Foot and Tap Your Head day. Imagine what work would be like, especially if you worked in the public sector…freakin’ awesome!

18. What are your political views?

Well, I haven’t been to Sacramento many times, so I haven’t viewed a lot. Mainly, I remember seeing that courthouse in Independence, CA, so that’s as political as I get.

19. How do you stand on abortion?

I have never stood on abortion…don’t know if I ever could. That would be kinda gross…plus, I think I might be too heavy to stand on a woman while she’s pregnant.

20. How do you stand on religion?

Again, standing on something like religion would be hard, I don’t think religion is an actual location to stand. Unless there is a city called Religion. Like Religion, WA, zip code 97521. Then I could stand on Religion, but actually, I guess I would be standing on Main St in Religion, WA, 97521. So, standing on religion would be pretty hard.

I see a political career in my boy's future!