Just the Facts Week ending 3-3-2009

There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")

The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 2-13-09

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…Julius Macker (comments by Gladys)
**Last week I erroneously stated that Jake Grilley was the Beacons first and only intern. Mr. Macker corrected that in the comments section. Thank You! Oh and Thank you for reading my blog. Oh and Mr. Macker thank you for the great job you do.**

Wednesday 2-25-09

12:17 a.m. Beach Road in Bigfork is OK.

I feel safe don’t you feel safe?

1:44 a.m. A man was yelling and slamming doors at an Evergreen motel. Reportedly he may have tossed a couple back.

A couple of what? Doors? Beers?

8:13 a.m. Someone was upset because a camera was positioned at the end of their driveway on Magstadt Lane. Apparently, their neighbor put it there for reasons yet to be determined. The parties, though, reached an amicable resolution.

Somebody is watching you....

10:41 a.m. Reportedly, allegations have been made in the past, but according to a man on Beach Road in Bigfork, things aren’t how they seem. Everything is OK and reports otherwise are unfounded.
Once again crime fighting at it’s best!

11:42 a.m. A Columbia Falls Stage woman said a man threatened her. It’s not sure how.

Lady: Officer a man threatened me.
Officer: Yes, ma’am can you give me the details.
Lady: No
Officer: Ok, HOW did he threaten me.
Lady: I don’t know
Officer: Did you accost you on the street with a knife?
Lady: I don’t know.
Officer: Did he threaten you by phone?
Lady: shrugs her shoulders
Officer: Did you send you a threatening letter?
Lady: Looks around then looks at her feet and mumbles “I don’t know.”
Officer: Lady just HOW were you threatened?
Lady: I don’t know.
Officer: Walks to his patrol car and bangs his head on the hood

1:36 p.m. It’s not entirely clear what happened, but a man may have been exposing himself to employees at a coffee shack in Evergreen. Someone, who didn’t see anything, made the report.

Huh? Does that mean the flasher had a really teeny weenie?

1:40 p.m. Someone was drunk driving through a trailer court.
Well THAT’s a shocker!

3:07 p.m. Two female siblings had nasty things to say to each other. So they did it over the telephone.
Bitch!

1:47 a.m. Beach Road is safe.
Again I feel safe.

Thursday 2-26-2009

8:43 a.m. A woman said that an abusive telemarketer threatened to “come blow her head off.” It’s not clear what the man was selling.
Maybe he was selling guns.

11:22 a.m. A woman’s granddaughter said she saw a neighbor strike his son in the head with a metal bar on Solberg Drive. The son, who is on probation, was OK. The father was interviewed and the case has been referred to the county attorney.

Hum maybe this is why the son is on probation. He was hit in the head one too many times.

12:09 p.m. Smoke was billowing from the Lazy Day trailer court. Sheriff Mike Meehan said, “it looked like a pretty good fire.”

Did he bring the marshmellows cause I have the chocolate bars and graham crackers

12:43 p.m. A man on Beach Road in Bigfork called the sheriff’s office three times in 24 hours. Reportedly, he used to send handwritten notes via fax, but has since been blocked because of his excessive communication.

Now how are we supposed to know everything is alright on Beach Road if you block his correspondence?

4:44 p.m. A 27-year-old woman was busted for stealing cosmetics at Kmart.
Really? Kmart? I mean if your going to chance getting busted you couldn’t go to the MAC counter?

Friday 2-27-2009

10:44 a.m. There was an angry but non-violent youth in Bigfork.
Was he on Beach Road?

3:21 p.m. A 19-year-old male made a trip to Montana from out-of-state only to be arrested for shoplifting at Wal-mart. He stole acne medication

Wow he must have some really big pimples!

3:40 a.m. A person was ticketed for parking in a handicap space at Wal-mart.

Well when you steal acne medicine you park in the handicap space so you can have a quick get-a-way

12:48 a.m. A man was standing outside a woman’s window trying to get her attention at the El Rancho in Evergreen. Apparently, he was speaking Spanish.

El Rancho….speaking Spanish…. Maybe he thought he was home.

Saturday 3-3-2009

1:59 a.m. A person said that "after a big fight” their tire was slashed. Upon investigation, however, it turned out that a rock was in fact the culprit.

Hey let me tell you, I’ve gotten in fights with rocks before and they always win!

2:43 a.m. A man’s ex would not stop banging on his door until she got a ride elsewhere from law enforcement.
Elsewhere? Like Where Stalkers Anonymous?

3:28 a.m. Someone repeatedly called the juvenile detention center and yelled vulgar things.
HOW Juvenile!

10:44 a.m. A woman who was supposed to have moved her horses from a man’s property on Montana Highway 206 failed to do so before the man became enraged. Apparently, he told her that he would shoot and eat the horses if she did not move them immediately. He then fired three warning shots into the air.
Wow he must have been hungry. I mean to eat a whole horse.

8:22 p.m. A woman was upset about the parking fee she had accumulated at the airport. After a loud discussion, she left without paying.
You can do that? Just not pay and leave? I one time had a $200 parking bill at an airport. They wouldn’t let me out until I paid it.

9:42 a.m. A husband and wife were arrested for stealing $50 worth of clothing from Wal-mart. Reportedly, the man had $400 in his pocket.
Evidently he wanted to KEEP his $400.00

3:43 a.m. A male called his mother in Bozeman and told her that he had been involved in a rollover, but didn’t know where he was, except in between Bozeman and Whitefish. The person and vehicle were found in Missoula County.
Drunk much?

Dragnet quote for the week:

Joe Friday: Ma'am, what is the approximate dry weight of the average Madagascan fruit tree bat?

Pep Streebeck: You mean you don't know?

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