Friday, March 20, 2009

In Which Forung has Gone on the Lamb

Once again I’ve been sent an extraordinary correspondence and I will try my best to live up the Griffin and Sabine style of writing.

Here is the dispatch I received yesterday


Dear Friend
I am (ZARDE ZONGO) the bill and exchange manager at the foreign remittance department of BANK OF AFRICA. I got your contact from the internet ,while seaching for an honest and trust worthy person, who will assist me to implement this transfer. l discovered the sum of Twenty Two million and five hundred thousand United States Dollars (USD22.5M) belonging to a deceased customer of this bank. The fund has been lying in a suspence account without anybody coming to put claim over the money since the account owner late Mr Salla khatif from Lebanese , who was involved in the December 25th 2003 Benin plane crash.
Here is the air crash website on cnn The said fund is now ready for transfer to a foriegn account whose owner will be portrayed as the beneficiary and next of kin to the deceased customer of the bank. Since we got information about his death, we have been expecting his next if kin to come over and claim his money because we cannot release it unless somebody applies for it as next of kin or relation to the deceased as indicated in our banking guidlines and laws but unfortunately we learnt that all his supposed next of kin or relation died alongside with him at the plane crash leaving nobody behind for the claim. It is therefore upon this discovery that I decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it and I don't want this money to go into the bank treasury as unclaimed bill. The banking law and guidline here stipulates that if such money remained unclaimed after five years, the money will be transfered into the bank treasury as unclaimed fund. The request of foreigner as next of kin in this business is occassioned by the fact that the customer was a foreigner and a Burkinabe cannot stand as next of kin to a foreigner.

I therefore soliciting for your assistance to come forward as the next of kin. I have agreed that 40% of this money will be for you as the beneficiary in respect of the provision of your Account and services rendered, 55% would be for me while 5% will be for expencses incured during the cause of thIS transaction If the money is transferred to your Account from BANK OF AFRICA, I and my family in this transaction will proceed immediately to your country for our own share of the money. I expect you to keep this business strictly confidential and secret as you may wish to know that I am Bank official. Be rest assured that this business is 100% risk free on both side and every arrangement to transfer this money to the Account you are going to provide have been concluded provided we maintain the confidentiality and secreceirity involved. Contact me on my email address I am looking forward for your prompt response.
Yours faithfully,

My Dear Forung or as I should call you now Mr. Zongo,

Why have you changed your name? Have you joined the Chinese equivilant of the CI A? Are you in the Chinese witness protection program? This must be so because not only have you changed your name but also your country of origin. Are you at risk in writing me? Please I beg of you do not put your life in danger in order to keep your correspondence with me. It is too big a danger even if we keep secreceirity. Although I’m really not sure what that is.

How wonderful you were able to find a job in banking in your new home so quickly. I am so honored that you wish to shower me with money and give me 40% of the 100% risk free twenty-two million dollars. This money would come in most useful as I used to be an executive with a large American Insurance Group who is being pursued to return my hard earned and well deserved bonus. Isn’t it remarkable that we are in the same situation? I will send you 40% of my bonus money for 40% of your transaction. The check will be made out on Lehman Brothers Bank. Can you accept this or will it be sent to a suspence account?
When you speak of your family I assume you are speaking of course of your mother and father. I will prepare a room in my large refrigerator box in which I have been residing since the bank foreclosed on my home.

With undying affection.
Yours Always


gigi said...

Great response.
You did better than me, I never answered back ;0
Good weekend to ya!

Tatersmama said...


Hey, I got the same email, so I think that you and I are in the running together...Which I think this very kind man neglected to tell you. Maybe it just slipped his mind?

But now I'm worried for you....What will happen to your refrigerator box when it rains?

Gladys said...

Tater- that twotiming sack of poo! He is making time with you down under and me up top? Why, I oughta....

Gladys said...


Just make sure you have an alias email if you do otherwise not only will Forung track you down but so will the Nigerian Prince.

Tatersmama said...

Hell hath no fury, like two women scorned!
The guy better watch his back, is all I'm sayin'!

Sarah said...

Another Griffin and Sabine fan...yey! Love Nick Bantock.