I Shot The Trooper But I Did Not Shoot The Deputy

Trooper Bob was a trooper for my whole life up until I was in junior high school. I remember being taken or picked up from school in a patrol car for most of my school days. I was always terribly proud of my daddy and what he did and I still am. He is a man among men. He is pragmatic, audacious, brave and funny. I attribute my love for reading, big band era music and cooking as well as my sense of humor to him. I have a special bond with my daddy a bond that only nearly killing some one will get you. You see when I was nine years old I shot my Trooper Bob.

Trooper Bob had been a DPS officer for almost eighteen years, he had been in gun fights and knife fights. He had been in car chases and foot chases. He had stood firm during anti-war riots and civil rights marches. He had hauled in killers, rapist, thieves and vagrants and had never been shot. Well that is until the night his nine-year-old daughter shot him.

Trooper Bob had just gotten a new partner, a rookie. The rookie’s name was Gary and he was fresh out on the streets. Trooper Bob decided the kid needed a home cooked meal and that they needed to bond over some Monday night football. We all had dinner and then my sister retired to the back bedroom to make some really important high school boy/girl phone calls. Nurse Meme was at work and my brother, well who knew where he was. Trooper Bob and Rookie Gary watched the game and drank a couple of beers. Then Gary spotted Trooper Bob’s gun collection. He had a pretty cool gun collection with some antique pieces that he had acquired on the job and some he had inherited from his grandfather.

We as kids always knew there was no such thing as an unloaded gun even though Trooper Bob tried to make a point of them not being loaded. The unfortunate thing was we had some meanness in our town. Trooper Bob had the mind set of it was better to be prepared than not had left one gun loaded. I had grown up around firearms and was not frightened of them. I knew how to handle them at least what I wasn’t suppose to do, such as point a gun at someone.

I remember this like it was yesterday. Rookie Gary was looking at the guns handing them to me and I was putting them back in the gun cabinet. He had looked at every one of the forty gazillion guns and was down to just a plain old 22 caliber pistol. He handed the gun to me and I went to put it in the cabinet only just as I turned Gary stepped out. He slammed into me and I started to fall. (Imagine this from they eyes of a nine-year-old. Everything happening in slow motion.) I saw the gun go up and I saw more than felt me grab the gun as I started to fall to the ground. I heard the report of the shot and I swear to God I saw the bullet as it flew toward my daddy. I heard him say “HOLY SHIT, I’ve been SHOT!” I don’t really remember anything after that until much later in the night.

I do remember I was convinced I had killed him. I ran into the bedroom where my sister was talking on the phone oblivious to the fact I had just shot our daddy daid. I shot him D.A.I.D. in the living room. She continued her phone conversation until I started screaming and frothing at the mouth saying things like “I KILT HIM! KILT HIM DAID” She put her hand over the mouth piece and said “SHUT UP STOOPID! What are you talking about? Who did you keel?” I told her “DADDY, I KILT HIM!” Now I don’t know what boyfriend she was talking all lovey-dovey to but she just hung up on him. She ran into the living room to see Trooper Bob with a dishcloth over his wound. She saw Rookie Gary getting to practice his newly acquired first aide skills. She grabbed me and started shaking me asking me what I had done. Then she wrapped her arms around me and held onto me like I was going to float away if she didn’t


I have been told that Rookie Gary rushed my daddy to the emergency room. I heard that they called Nurse Meme up on the sixth floor where she was the charge nurse and told her that her husband had been shot. She was confused because she knew it was his night off. She ran down six flights of stairs to make sure the E.R. nurses knew what they were doing. She charged into the room and found my daddy sitting on the gurney. She asked him what happened and he said “Well, Gladys shot me.” The whole hospital wanted to know what he had done to piss me off so bad that I would have shot him. He of course told them some cockamamie story. He made up some story about not letting me have ice cream or he had sent me to bed with no sugar sandwich. Finally Nurse Meme threatened to shoot him in the other arm. He figured he better not press his luck and he told her what really happened.

Just so you don’t go worrying about Trooper Bob. He is fine. The bullet went through the fatty part of his arm and lodged under his shoulder blade. Yes, it went all the way through his arm. Several years after this incident the bullet worked its way up to just under the skin and daddy had it cut out. He has a shadow box of all of his accomplishments as a trooper and in the center of this shadow box is the ONLY bullet that entered his body. The only time in twenty years of service that he was shot was from his nine year old daughter.

This is my theory why Trooper Bob and I have a special bond. I mean nothing says “I Love You Daddy” like a 22 caliber hollow point in the shoulder blade.