There are a million stories in the city.
"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."
The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 10-12-09
A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…Julius Macker (comments by Gladys)
9:30 a.m. An elderly man suffering from mental issues was yelling, cursing and hitting on Harmony Road.
Once again doesn’t sound very harmonious on Harmony Road. I think someone needs to buy them a Coke.
10:16 a.m. Several dogs, including a golden retriever and a black specimen, ran wild on Gray Lane. One unfortunate pooch was struck by a car.
Just exactly what kind of dog is a specimen?
1:47 p.m. One man threatened another over the phone in Columbia Falls.
How many times do I have to say this…HANG UP THE DAMN PHONE!
There it's magic, he stopped threatening you.
7:29 p.m. Someone spotted flames erupting from a chimney in Whitefish. Authorities arrived to find no fire in said chimney.
Did Trooper Bob build a fire in the fireplace again? If you don't know what I'm talking about read this: Donner, Party of Four
7:29 p.m. One man assaulted another on Hodgson Road.
This seems to be an ongoing problem, but I guess it's better than a man assaulting himself.
9:06 p.m. A man stood outside a local convenience store screaming that he had assaulted someone, displaying what appeared to be blood on his hands. The individual was gone by the time authorities arrived.
4:18 p.m. A single horse wandered unattended on Highway 209 before being sent home.
Maybe it was Mr. Ed just out for a stroll.
If you don't know who Mr Ed is GO HULU IT!
5:29 p.m. Seven horses ran amok on Foothill Road. The horses were rounded up and escorted home.
Um now that sounds like Mr. Ed is starting a gang.
7:07 p.m. Fifteen cows blocked Blacktail Road, posing a hazard to passing motorists.
Yep looks like those cow and horse gangs are back at it. Harassing motorist and causing hazards. I also love how it wasn't 10 or 12 it was FIFTEEN.
10:20 p.m. Someone spotted a mountain lion on Wishart Trail in Coram.
Wow how did they catch it in order to put spots on it?
11:08 a.m. A resident of Lake Five road became irritated when someone tossed a lit cigarette in their yard.
First of all why Lake Five and not Lake Four? See I think someone is discriminating against Lake Five.
1:53 p.m. A woman on California Street sprayed a sparking electrical outlet with a fire extinguisher and was surprised when it began to smoke.
What was the woman on California smoking?
9:44 p.m. A small injured bull moose was dispatched and sent to the food bank.
Why? Was it hungry?
Joe Friday Quote of the Week:
It's not much of a life, unless you don't mind missing a Dodger game because the hotshot phone rings. Unless you like working Saturdays, Sundays, and holidays, at a job that doesn't pay overtime. Oh, the pay's adequate-- if you count pennies you can put your kid through college, but you better plan on seeing Europe on your television set.