Just The Facts Ma'am 10-19-09

There are a million stories in the city.

Dum-dah-dum…dum-dah-de-dum-de-dum.

"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."

The Flathead Beacon:

Police Blotter for the week ending 10-19-09

A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Heather Jurvis (comments by Gladys)

Tuesday 10/13/2009

7:15 a.m. A resident of Martin City reports that a large bear has been wandering in and out of her yard.
Maybe he was looking for a nice pick-a-nick basket.

10:56 a.m. Authorities helped a “man down” in Whitefish return to his feet.

Well they should I mean if they helped him down, the least they can do is help him up.

Float like a butterfly sting like a bee...

12:48 p.m. Although he hasn’t actually seen the creatures, a man on Hoffman Draw suspects that a mama bear and her cub have been frequenting his yard.
Uh-Oh invisible bears. Those are the worst kind.
4:44 p.m. Someone in Coram reports that a mountain lion has been prowling about the area.
For some reason I just keep hearing “lions, tigers and bears…oh my!”

Wednesday 10/14/2009

8:46 a.m. A resident of Shadow Lane complains that her husband forged her signature to sell a vehicle.

What evil lurks in the heart of men? Those on Shadow Lane know….

1:28 p.m. The Montana Highway Patrol handled a number of cows that had wandered onto Highway 2.
Yeehaw…let’s get them dawggies.

3:55 p.m. Reports of a cow in the middle of Trumble Creek Road turned out to be unfounded. The responding officer noted that all cows in the area were securely behind a fence.
Of course they were, the Montana Highway patrol had already been there… they always get their cow.

Thursday 10/15/2009

2:15 p.m. A resident of Kila Road called to report that a deer had died in the area at approximately 7:30 a.m.
I think someone has been watching too much CSI.

2:23 p.m. Someone spotted a loose goat trotting down the north side of Highway 2. It is unknown whether the goat returned home.
Was it in panties? You know a Nannie Goat in Panties?
Friday 10/16/2009

7:03 a.m. A driver slid through a red light on Highway 2 East, nearly colliding with two other vehicles. The driver was not intoxicated but had merely hit a slick spot.
Well he wasn’t intoxicated then but I bet he was afterward.

9:32 a.m. Two nights ago, someone on Badrock Drive saw several people with flashlights in their backyard.

Doesn’t that sound like a bad western? Two Nights in Badrock starring Magnum Flashlight.  Does anyone else remember a video game named Dust?  It started out with this cowboy sitting in the dark and lighting a cigerette.  Do you think everyone who lives there looks like the video game?

10:08 p.m. Someone on Eagle Drive became upset when his mother-in-law kicked him out of the house. He reported her actions as harassment.
Sounds like he doesn’t have much right to be upset. Sounds to me it was her house.