Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Just The Facts Ma'am 10-19-09

There are a million stories in the city.
"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent."

The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 10-19-09
A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Heather Jurvis (comments by Gladys)

Tuesday 10/13/2009

7:15 a.m. A resident of Martin City reports that a large bear has been wandering in and out of her yard.
Maybe he was looking for a nice pick-a-nick basket.

10:56 a.m. Authorities helped a “man down” in Whitefish return to his feet.
Well they should I mean if they helped him down, the least they can do is help him up.

Float like a butterfly sting like a bee...
12:48 p.m. Although he hasn’t actually seen the creatures, a man on Hoffman Draw suspects that a mama bear and her cub have been frequenting his yard.
Uh-Oh invisible bears. Those are the worst kind.
4:44 p.m. Someone in Coram reports that a mountain lion has been prowling about the area.
For some reason I just keep hearing “lions, tigers and bears…oh my!”

Wednesday 10/14/2009

8:46 a.m. A resident of Shadow Lane complains that her husband forged her signature to sell a vehicle.

What evil lurks in the heart of men? Those on Shadow Lane know….

1:28 p.m. The Montana Highway Patrol handled a number of cows that had wandered onto Highway 2.
Yeehaw…let’s get them dawggies.

3:55 p.m. Reports of a cow in the middle of Trumble Creek Road turned out to be unfounded. The responding officer noted that all cows in the area were securely behind a fence.
Of course they were, the Montana Highway patrol had already been there… they always get their cow.

Thursday 10/15/2009

2:15 p.m. A resident of Kila Road called to report that a deer had died in the area at approximately 7:30 a.m.
I think someone has been watching too much CSI.

2:23 p.m. Someone spotted a loose goat trotting down the north side of Highway 2. It is unknown whether the goat returned home.
Was it in panties? You know a Nannie Goat in Panties?
Friday 10/16/2009

7:03 a.m. A driver slid through a red light on Highway 2 East, nearly colliding with two other vehicles. The driver was not intoxicated but had merely hit a slick spot.
Well he wasn’t intoxicated then but I bet he was afterward.

9:32 a.m. Two nights ago, someone on Badrock Drive saw several people with flashlights in their backyard.
Doesn’t that sound like a bad western? Two Nights in Badrock starring Magnum Flashlight.  Does anyone else remember a video game named Dust?  It started out with this cowboy sitting in the dark and lighting a cigerette.  Do you think everyone who lives there looks like the video game?

10:08 p.m. Someone on Eagle Drive became upset when his mother-in-law kicked him out of the house. He reported her actions as harassment.
Sounds like he doesn’t have much right to be upset. Sounds to me it was her house.


Caution/Lisa said...

I need to live there. I really, really do.

Julie from JulieChats said...

Talk about wildlife! I'm thankful the only visitors to my yard are mallards & Canadian geese looking for a snack!

Stopping by late from VGNO to say hi! Enjoy your week!