I wrote this story some time ago and thought I would share it with you. I will warn you, it is long so I have split it into three parts. This is part one. I will post the next installment next Wednesday.
He called her and told her to bring a change of clothes. They had been dating for several months and had made several road trips. They usually went to the beach or to visit family. Gladys had a few trepidations of going but enjoyed his company and so far every date had been very inventive. So she grabbed a pair of jeans, a swimsuit, some shorts and a fancy dress she had to cover all her bases with this guy.
The door bell rang she fluffed her hair, checked her lipstick and went to answer it. He smiled as she opened the door and asked “You ready to go?” She grabbed her bag and purse in affirmation and they headed out. They drove not toward the beach but toward the mountains. She had no idea where they were headed only that he had said they were going to see a play. The talk on the drive was lively and spirited rife with puns and word plays. You see Kahuna is a good conversationalist. He has a way of pulling your deepest darkest secrets out of the vault of your soul and making it seem like an everyday conversation. When she finally looked at the scenery passing outside the window Gladys realized they were in the mountains. How and when they had gotten there was a mystery to her.
They arrived in a little town with just a main street and a cross street only one blinking stop light. It was an old town with an old theater and a quaint Inn. They had arrived too late to make the theater production. The trip up had actually taken longer than either of them realized. They opted instead to go to dinner and continue their conversation. They had a lovely dinner, drank a bottle of wine and had a hard time deciding on the apple pie or the apple pie a la mode. Then strolled up Main Street to the Inn. The couple arrived around 11 p.m. and went to check into their rooms. Kahuna rang the bell and a lady came from somewhere in the back in a flutter uttering greetings. She could have been that Clara character straight from Mayberry I started looking for Aunt Bee and Barney.
Clara gave them the rules and regulations of staying at her historic Inn and then she made them swear an oath that we would not light a match, a candle a cigarette, cigar or Molotov cocktail in their rooms. They had to sign the pledge and she sealed it with sealing wax. She made a point of telling them they were late and because of the tardiness they did not get the choice of which rooms would be assigned. She then gave a key that was attached to a tractor wheel and sent them up the stairs to find their own way. Gladys and Kahuna were stifling giggles as they climbed the stairs and walked down the hallway adorned with pictures of the Inn through out the ages. There were women in bonnets and men in britches, there were men in Fedoras and women in Flapper attire, men in military uniform and women in suits until finally there were pictures of women with big hair and shoulder pads and men un-shaven in pastel tee shirts and white jackets. It was like a fashion history lesson in a hallway.
They finally reached their destination somewhere between Miami Vice Era and the Seinfeld Era. Kahuna being the consummate gentleman took the key for Gladys’ room and opened the door. She kissed Kahuna good-night and started into her room only to immediately step back out. “There is someone sleeping in my bed!” She cried “We must have the wrong room.” Kahuna looked at the foot tall numbers on the key fob and said “no this is the right key and the right room.” He opened the door again and flipped on the light. There sleeping in bed was a man. A large unshaven very passed out man. Kahuna looked at Gladys then flipped off the light and shut the door. The two stood in the hallway for a few minutes trying to digest what had just happened. Finally Kahuna turned and went down the stairs. He went to the front desk and rang the bell and waited for Clara to once again magically appear from somewhere in the back. He waited and waited and then rang the bell again. Still no Clara. He went around the desk and started calling out “hello…anyone here?” Finally from some magic closet or room under the stairs or thin air Clara appeared. “Can I help you” she queried. Kahuna told her that there was already a guest sleeping in the room and asked her to check and make sure she had given him the correct room key as well as room number.
You know the woman in your neighborhood who knows everything going on? You know the relative who has all the recent gossip? You know the church member who knows who was at the bar the night before? That would be me, Gladys.
Bar Ditch = A ditch on the side of the road. Also know as a borrow ditch
Gussied Up - to dress in one's best clothes (usually fol. by up): to gussy up in your best Sunday go-to-meeting clothes.
Sigh-Reen = an implement used to give warning also known as Siren
Sumabeech= the son of a female dog
winder= an opening in the wall of a building, the side of a vehicle, etc., for the admission of air or light, or both, commonly fitted with a frame in which are set movable sashes containing panes of glass better known as a window
From my legal council over at Stealum, Robem and Screwum:
All content of Gladys Speaks, including, but not limited to, photos, and post content is copyright protected. Distribution, publication, transmission in any and all media, or any other type of reproduction in any manner is prohibited without the express written permission of the author or authors.