A Trooper Can Never Be Too Careful

A trooper can never be too careful. A trooper must be aware at all times. Most importantly a trooper must be able to react quickly to the situation around him. Yes these are all valuable tidbits to remember when one is a trooper.

Trooper Bob and Trooper Ray adhered to these idioms. As long time partners and friends they would often anticipate each others responses and actions. They would move in sync. It was often as if they could read each other’s minds.

It was spring and the wildflowers were in bloom. The bluebonnets had begun to cover the roadsides and the wild crimson clover was bursting out bright red. The light began to fade later in the day and with all these signs of spring came hay fever and allergies. The evening had passed with both men suffering through post nasal drip and watery eyes. They decided they weren’t going to press themselves too hard and were sitting at a quiet intersection wallowing in their misery. They had just started on their second box of Kleenex and were trying to decide if they wanted some coffee or a nap.

They saw in the distance a single small light coming up the road. It grew bigger as it advanced upon the two troopers. Ray mused that it might be a motor scooter but it didn’t sound like one. Bob squinted his watery eyes and said “Nope, I think that’s a padiddle.” Ray sneezed and said “A what?” Bob chuckled and answered “it’s what the kids call a padiddle. A car with one headlamp out. You suppose to kiss the person on your right when you see one. Buddy, I like you but I’m not kissing you. You’ve got snot on your face.” Bob turned the patrol car around and went after the one head-lighted vehicle. He turned on his sigh-reen and flipped on his red light closing in behind the sedan.

The driver reacted quickly and pulled off the side of the narrow road. When I say it was a narrow road I mean narrow. This was one of those roads where two cars barely fit passing one another. There wasn’t much of a shoulder and after the almost non-existent shoulder was a bar-ditch. You know what a bar-ditch is don’t you? It is the ditch that runs along side of the road. The driver got as close to the ditch as possible and prepared to meet the troopers.
Trooper Bob disembarked first grabbing ticket book, hat and flashlight. Trooper Ray being on the Ditch side exited carefully grabbing his flashlight and his handkerchief. Bob walked up to the driver door and shinned his light in the car. “Sir you have a pid, err, I mean a headlamp out. I am afraid I’m going to have to give you a citation.” The driver looked at the trooper and said “Sir I just had my head light repaired. I can’t believe it’s out.” Trooper Bob said “Well, it is and if you can show me your receipt I’ll let it slide.” Mr. Padiddle got out of his car and walked to the front saw his dead head light then came back to stand next to Trooper Bob behind the driver side tail-light. Trooper Ray was positioned behind his partner.

Trooper Ray was standing behind Trooper Bob when all of a sudden he felt it. One of those big goose egg snot bubbles building up in his front sinuses just begging to be released. He grabbed his handkerchief and let it rip. Trooper Bob heard what he thought was a car horn right behind him and instinctively dove for the bar ditch. He looked up to see Trooper Ray right beside him. “What the hell was that?” Bob inquired of Ray. Ray said “I don’t know I was blowing my nose and you dove for the ditch so I figured I should too.” Bob looked around and saw Mr. Padiddle standing by the vehicle looking like someone had just shocked him. He was jumping around looking back and forth at the two highway patrolmen huddled in the ditch.

Trooper Bob sat on his haunches then let out a goose honker of a sneeze. “That was you? I thought I was about to be killed or worse by a car.” Ray blew his nose quacking like a duck and said “Nope, dab wud jebst meba blowin myba nobes.”

So you see a trooper can never be too careful.