Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Written in Lipstick

Remember Knott and Very Meany? Remember Mr. Meany having a little incident with the medicated cream? You can read about it here. A Medicated Relief

Well Knott was a fun loving good humored gal who occasionally liked to play tricks on people. No she did not put the medicated lotion into the regular lotion bottle that would be just plain mean. She would wait until her brother-in-law Tall Meany, who lived with them, would get into the one and only bath in the house and then she would dump a bucket of ice water on his head. Another one of her infamous tricks was to switch the salt for the sugar in the sugar bowl because Tall really enjoyed lots of sugar in his coffee. Tall was a good sport and often would get back at Knott in his own way. He decided one time to put Knott’s car in reverse while she idled at a stop light making sure first there was no one behind them. Knott stepped on the gas to go only she was going in the wrong direction. Now Varry didn’t much like these pranks and he really didn’t like them played on him.

Tall and Knott made a pact and decided they would get Very. Now at this time both Very and Tall were city policemen. They worked alternating shifts and would often pass each other in the hall going to or from their shifts. Tall and Knott put together a plan to get Very.

Knott went to the local T G & Y discount store and bought several packs of very, very, very extra large women’s panties. She hid them in a place that Vary would never look, the laundry room. She took a pair and with the reddest of red lipstick wrote “Very, Can I meet you for coffee” across the rear end of the extremely large panties. She then put them in some really pretty tissue paper, sprayed them with some Evening in Paris cheap perfume and handed them off to Tall. Tall then found out which patrol car Very would be driving for the evening and slipped the package into the glove compartment. He passed Varry in the hall on his way to briefing and told him that some woman had called the station earlier in the evening looking for him.

Varry stowed his gear in the trunk did his walk through of his car and opened the glove compartment to hide his evening candy bars. He spotted the package looked around and then pulled it out. Now Tall had alerted most of his fellow officers to the plan so many of them were standing on the second floor binoculars in hand watching Very. He sniffed the pretty pink package and winced. He turned the package over and over in his hand until finally fortified he pulled the ribbon loose. He carefully pulled the women’s underwear out and started to unfold the 47 yards of pink satiny material out until he could read the message written on the seat. He quickly wadded them up paper and all and threw them in the back seat. Tall was on the phone with Very giving her the play by play. They both laughed and let it go for a day or two.
Next Knott took the baby blue panties with Wednesday written on them and again took the bright red lip rouge and wrote. “Varry, I’ve been watching you.” She repeated the process of perfume and pretty wrappings. Once again Tall took over and planted the package. Vary went through his normal shift procedure right down to stowing his candy bars when once again he came upon the package. Intrigued he once again un-wrapped the package. Once again he looked to see if anyone was watching and he read the message. He was irritated and confused. He walked to the trash bin and threw the gift away.

Now Knott bumped up the anti just a bit. Varry came home early the next morning as Knott was getting ready to leave for her job. She gave Varry a hug and as she did she said “rough night?” Varry looked at Knott and grunted “no, why?” Knott sniffed Varry’s uniform and said “because you smell like a French whore house. Pee Ewww! I haven’t smelled anything like that since high school and that was a joke someone gave me.” This made Varry angry and defensive and he replied “I kind of like the smell.” Knott smiled and just answered “to each his own”.
Tall and Knott kept up this little game letting more and more people in on the joke. There was one officer who especially liked the fact that this was irritating Varry. He walked up to Varry in briefing and said “hey Varry, I was in your patrol car after you and you left these on the seat” as he handed him the 40X large panties. They were the same ones he had tossed in the trash. The group guffawed which made Varry even more irritated.

Varry decide this had gone on long enough and he was going to play inch-high private eye. So he staked out the station house waiting for a robust beauty to leave her drawers in his car. The guys at the station though were one step ahead and made sure to stock the glove compartment when Varry was not around. It became a joke all through the department. Knott had everyone in on it. It continued on for a couple of years and had outgrown Tall and Knott. The whole department was in on it. They would leave him bottles of champagne with little love notes written in lipstick. Varry was convinced he had an elusive stalker.

Time passed and the pranks played on which irritated Varry but please Knott to no end. Then Varry decided to go back into the military to serve his country. He moved his little family 2000 miles away from the little town police department and into the big city. One day Varry went to get into his Hum-V and there on the passenger seat sat the biggest pair of pink panties his platoon had ever laid eyes on. Written in lipstick was “I miss you! Please come back.”
Knott never knew who continued on her prank but loved the fact that they did. Life went forward and Knott and Varry divorced. Sometimes Knott wonders if Mr. Meany still receives Extra Large lingerie with lipstick messages on them 28 years later.


Katherine Roberts Aucoin said...

That is a great funny. A shame that Knott and Very got divroced though.

The Texas Woman said...

I think Very grew to love those extra-large-sized-panty wearers and that's why he and Knott divorced!

The Texas Woman

terri said...

I love it! I prank gone wild!