Sunday, March 8, 2009

Tragedy at Sea





It was a beautiful day on the beach. The sun was shinning, the waves were rolling and the sand was fine and warm. Gladys and her friends sat sunning themselves drinking fruity umbrella-ed drinks and chatting. Bootsie called down to them from the terrace “Hola! I’m on my way down. Does anyone need anything?” Gladys called back up “Yes would you bring me my urban sombrero?” Then turned back to admire the beautiful ocean view. There in the distance anchored a gleaming white sailboat.
Bootsie bopped down the stairs in her little black bikini margarita in one hand and urban sombrero in the other. She plopped down in the deck chair next to Gladys handed her the hat and said “What’s shakin chica?” Gladys put on the huge brimmed hat and tightened the idiot cord around her neck and said “just enjoying the view. What are you and Biff doing this afternoon?” Bootsie squealed and said “Biff is taking me on one of those new ski-do things.” Gladys sipped her fruit drink thought a minute and asked “what?” Bootsie sighed her know-all sigh and replied “you know you sit on them like a motorcycle and it floats like a boat? Biff rented one for the afternoon and we are going to go for a ride.” Now Gladys was intrigued by a motorcycle you rode in the water but was happy sitting on the beach soaking up the rays. Wanda shifted her hat up a little, pulled her sun glasses down on her nose looked at Bootsie and said “Bootsie you and Biff are going to ride this thing together? I mean neither of you have enough sense to find your way out of a paper bag. You’re telling me the two of you are gonna get on a water-scooter and ride around? This I have got to see.”

Wanda was right. Bootsie and Biff weren’t the smartest couple in the group of friends enjoying the Mexican Rivera that week. They were forever getting lost or losing their wallets, twice and forgetting in which room they were booked as well as which resort. None of our group had ever seen these new fangandled water-scooters much less knew how to run one. Biff and Boots were the last two we would have trusted to get on one and not get lost at sea. They were however the prettiest couple on the peninsula.

The girls sipped their drinks while flipping through the plethora of fashion and gossip magazines they had bought. Then they heard what sounded like a lawn mower motor. Gladys looked up to see what indeed looked like a water-scooter. Biff gunned the motor and beached the craft. He got off the vehicle and scooted it safely out of the surf so it would not wash away and ran toward the women. Bootsie adjusted her bikini top, licked her lips and jumped up “Hi Honey!” she exclaimed as he grabbed her. They stood and chatted a minute then she turned to the group “We are gonna go for a ride. Will y’all watch my stuff?” The girls all agreed it would be safe and with that Bootsie unwrapped her sarong, put her hot pink Wayfarer sunglasses on her face and ran down the beach to the bright yellow watercraft.

Biff pushed the water-scooter into the water and got on the wobbly craft then motioned for the waist deep in water Bootsie to do the same. She put her foot on the side of the craft and tried to mount only it tipped the craft on its side. This in turn knocked Biff of his perch and they both landed in the water. They tried this several more times until finally Biff figured out the best way for Bootsie to mount the craft was from behind. He cajoled her, encouraged her and demanded that she get on but did not kill the jet motor. Bootsie was scared, she was hesitant and in this she was smart. Finally he killed the motor and Bootsie seal wobbled her way onto the back of the scooter. They were set, they were ready and Biff fired up the motor. It spit, it sputtered and it died. He hit the starter again and it spit, it sputtered and once again it died. He did this several more times.

Finally he hit the starter and the throttle at the same time and the water-scooter jumped to life. It was fired up. It was full throttle and running full bore. Bootsie turned and gave the girls a little wave before they headed out to sea and straight toward the gleaming white sailboat. Gladys watched the water-scooter in the direct trajectory of the gleaming white sailboat. She turned to Wanda and said “Surely he is going to turn before he hits the boat.” Wanda looked up from her Cosmo magazine and said “He is not that stupid of course he will.” Then as if moths drawn to a flame the two women watched as the water-scooter never gearing down or retarding it’s speed hit the sailboat broadside. At first neither woman could move and then the fear for their friends took hold. Gladys grabbed the cabana boy and told him to go get help. Then she and Wanda ditched their hats and glasses and ran down the beach and into the water.

They made their way out to the gleaming white sailboat that now had a huge gaping hole and the crashed water-scooter. Biff was up walking around in the 3 feet of water dazed. Bootsie was on her back splashing in the water screaming something. Gladys ran to Bootsie she grabbed her underneath in fear that she might drown. Gladys grabbed and asked “Bootsie are you alright?” Bootsie cried and screamed while splashing her hands and feet “I’m paralyzed, I’m paralyzed, help me!” Gladys looked at Bootsie’s flailing arms and legs and then at her face. “Bootsie, you are not paralyzed. You are moving your arms and legs. Just stand up the water isn’t deep.” Bootsie tested by putting one leg down and then the other “Oh, I guess I am alright. I thought I was paralyzed.” Gladys helped Bootsie to shore as Wanda helped Biff.

The couple was miraculously unharmed. The tragedy incurred not in physical harm but in thousands of dollars worth of injuries to Biff’s American Express card to both repair the gleaming white sailboat and the water-scooter.
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10 comments:

Jaime said...

i've never been on a jet ski - and stories like that are just the reason why.

award for you over on my blog

Girly Stuff said...

But why didn't he stop or turn away???

Gladys said...

Girly, he didn't stop or turn away because he was a dumbass. Plain and simple. He said he couldn't find the brake (um there is none) and he didn't think about turning. Oh and there might have been some adult beverages consumed.

Katherine Aucoin said...

Even if he was buzzed, I can't believe he just hit the boat dead on, lol

You can't make this stuff up!

Debbie said...

Amazing! What a story. Poor Bootsie.

VE said...

You realize I was in the Coast Guard for six years...you really shouldn't tell me these kind of stories. Reminds me of Rodney Dangerfield on the yacht in Caddyshack!

MJ said...

Now that is funny.

I grew up on jet skis, but I'll never forget taking my fiance for his first ride. Shoooweeee!!!

Bee and Rose said...

This is why I keep telling the hubster to take a hike whenever he brings up jetskis!

Toad said...

I just gotta know. Are they still a couple?

Gladys said...

Toad to answer your question, no they didn't even make it to the end of the Mexican Vacation. He was caught with another beauty in his room. But that is a different story for another day...