Thursday, February 12, 2009

From the You Can't Make This Stuff Up Files

November 13

Okay Ladies and Gentlemen, this is from the “You Just Can’t Make This Shit Up” files. I have been busy all day today and haven’t had a chance to write. I know that is hard to believe since I am a slack-ass and never do anything. Like my sister says “I have way too much time on my hands” as evidenced by my writing but I REALLY was busy today. I got an email from Tadpole today that I have to share with you. You know I can’t just post an email from my daughter without telling you another story so here it goes.

Years ago I was at the park with a friend of mine named Chris. We were in college and we were in the park taking pictures. I was close to the monkey bars when a man in his mid-forties approached me. I was eighteen and a forty year old man was really, really, really old to me. It must have been his birthday because walked straight toward me and opened his coat. Low and behold he had nothing on under that coat but his birthday suite. There he stood in all his glory. I was young and inexperienced and reacted the way that I normally react to things. I started laughing. I pointed and laughed and said “hey, Chris, look that almost looks like a penis.” This must have crushed his ego because he covered himself up and ran away. My friend and I called the police and made a report. When the officer arrived the man was no where too be found. The police asked me for a description and I said “Well it looked like a penis only smaller.”

Now then I have told you my story and I will share the email that Tadpole sent me.

Hi Mom,

Just wanted to let you know we are doing great. Thanks for the crock pot recipes. I wanted to tell you about my day. I got Miss Priss ready this morning hearing “Where did Nanny Go?” and “Are we going in Nanny Car”. Since it was a work day and a school day for Priss I drop of Miss Priss at Granmommies. I notice that my little red light were the gas gauge is on. Knowing how much the car hates me when the red light is on, I decide to get gas. I pull over at the gas station. I hand the clerk my card and go to pump my gas. Just another normal day right? I go in to pay when the clerk and I hear this "Psst, Psssst". We both look toward the noise which is near the door. There before us in all his glory is a 50 year old man and his brain, and no not the one in his head. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I was flashed by a 50 year old man and it didn't happen at work. The clerk called the cops and I had to give a statement. The cop asked me for a description, me being my mother's daughter answered "sure, it was wrinkled and small". I thought the cop was going to pee his pants he was laughing and snorting so hard. And how did your day start?

So I ask you did that nut all far from that tree?


Beth said...

You were (are) an excellent role model!
(And perhaps all flashers are size-challenged?)

Jacki said...

HAHA...this story is too funny! Thinking about it, I am pretty sure I would have reacted the same way, too. Although, I hope I am never flashed.

VE said...

I flash all the camera does.

I don't see what the point is. Beth must be right, they must do it because they're size-challenged

Maybe there is a Flasher Victims Group you gals can go to. "Hi, my name is Gladys and it was really small..."

Debbie said...

Those are great stories! You both can sure think on your feet.

Anonymous said...

I have to wonder what I would do in that situation...I am going to have to prepare some "witty" comments just in case it ever happens...