Thursday, February 19, 2009

What Trooper Ray Found

Growing up listening to Trooper Bob’s stories over the years there was always plenty of humor. He would try and find the funny in some of the most morose and down right awful situations. Truth be told both my parents were like that. They both worked in jobs where they often saw the worse of the worst and the nasty of the nastiest. I am sure that was a defense mechanism and I’m also sure it was a way in which to teach us kids that you can get through anything with a bit of humor.

“Look at that Ray,” Trooper Bob said pointing up at the full moon, “Looks like we are in for a busy night.” Trooper Ray tilted his hat back on his head and looked up at the moon lit sky and said “Yeup, there always seems to be more crazies out there during a full moon.” The troopers both had seen it over dozens of full moons the lunar tidal pool of crazy during what the Italians call Luna piena. For some reason or another full moons effect the internal waters much like the tides in the ocean and there is a stirring and an unsettling in people. The emergency rooms seem to have more dog bites and traffic accidents seem to increase. They not only increase in numbers but also in intensity.

The troopers got into their cruiser and drove out of town towards their usual post. They cruised past several of the local ice houses. Now for those of you who are not familiar with Texas; an ice house was a multi-cultural meeting place that not only supplied ice but also beer, a few groceries and even acted as the local tavern. They often had impromptu bands that would play and a checker board and plenty of dominoes. The gang at the ice-house appeared to be a little rowdier than usual but again it was written off to the lunar phase. They drove on out past the feed lot and down the farm to market road heading towards the moon lit fields.

The troopers drove along chatting about the local gossip and telling the latest jokes when a call come from dispatch “Car 76 we have a 10-50 out on FM 78” Trooper Bob keyed his mike and returned “10-4 dispatch we are in route” and with that Trooper Ray turned on the light and the siren (Sigh-Reen) because that code meant it was a traffic accident with possible fatalities.
The troopers screamed through the country side and came upon what appeared to be a big rig pulled to the right of the road with flares set out. They slowed to a stop and both grabbed emergency kits and flashlights. Trooper Ray and Trooper Bob had worked together long enough that they just moved, they didn’t discuss what they were going to do next, they just knew. Trooper Bob went to the visibly shaken truck driver and Ray went to the bridge over the creek. Trooper Bob assessed the situation and figured by the fact the trucker didn’t have any blood on him and didn’t smell like shit that he had not been involved in the accident. “I sawed him. He was looney! He came round that there cerner going lickity-split he was a weaving all over the road and then all-a-sudden they was a screechin and a screamin and that car went up in the air bout 50 feet. The next thing I knowed the car just disintegrated. It was awful officer just awful.” The trucker regurgitated his story like a drunk after an all nighter. The words poured out of him as he purged his story to Trooper Bob. “Ok, sir, we will need to get a statement from you. Did you see anyone exit the vehicle?” Trooper Bob asked the trucker. “Yesir, he exited and flew up in the air did a bunch of flips and flops. I aint sure whar he landed” the trucker replied.

Troopers Bob and Ray took their flashlights and started canvassing the area for any survivors. They looked along the highway where the car exited the road the full moon helped light the accident scene and yet they found no sign of the driver. The shone their lights up in the trees and all around. Ray drew the short straw and he got to descend the embankment to the most assuredly water moccasin invested creek. Trooper Bob being followed closely by the anxious trucker walked up the highway looking. Then in the distance he heard his partner cry “Bob! Come here quick!” Knowing that it must be something really important Bob ran again with the trucker in tow to the bridge over water moccasin creek. He looked down to see Ray holding up a boot. Trooper Bob said “What is it Ray?” Trooper Ray waggled the boot so that Bob could see it in the moonlight and said “I found a boot.” A little confused as to why this was important Trooper Bob said “Why is that so urgent?” Trooper Ray let out an audible sigh and said “Because it has a foot in it.” Trooper Bob tried to hold it back he bit his lip then his tongue. He rubbed his face but the lunar looney tide pulled at his sense of the absurd. That is when the tension of the situation let loose and both the troopers got those inappropriate uncontrollable giggles.
Sometimes things are just so surreal all you can do is laugh.

*****I will be having another rousing round of Ask Trooper Bob next Thursday so leave your question and I'll get it to him. He will call me 47 times with different stories and questions and I'll post them here next week. So leave your questions, comments or suggestions. *****


Anonymous said...

Trooper Bob, back in the 70's my uncle was the sheriff in the southern part of Oklahoma.During that time there was a rash of cattle mutilations going on. One day Uncle Everett came and got my 10 year old self and took me up to the jail where he had put this cow on display.As you can imagine this was the funnest day in my life.Sooo my question is...what was the strangest thing you ever saw while being a trooper? Thanks

Chris H said...

"Lady parts" ??? Ah Gladys you are a nutter! I sooo cannot see it! Sorry to hear you get shingles.... must be very painful. I am still hoping that's NOT what's wrong with me... you never know! It COULD be zits... ! yeah in my dreams I think!

Debbie said...

I love times when all I can do is laugh! Those are the best.

blogismycopilot said...

Gotta hear THE nekkid story, every trooper's got one.

Anonymous said...

my husband laughs hysterically evertime he recalls his partner slippin' and sliddin' in some poor bastard's brains on the side of the road...
I don't WANT to understand that.

Queen Goob said... what's the last day for questions?

Anonymous said...

I gots me a question or two.

Burgeous Heslep

Girly Stuff said...

I will say...even as a dentist...full moons scare me. People come in with the craziest things. And I have laughed inappropriately just to stay sane. Like the patient who superglued an entire tooth back into the socket from whence it came. All because her in-laws were coming into town and she didn't want to be toothless. She said the glue made her stomach hurt. And didn't work.

So Trooper know that saying "don't eat where you sh*t"...did you ever hate living where you worked? Or did you dig it?

The Texas Woman said...

And that's why I'm not a cop...or a nurse!

The Texas Woman

rachaelgking said...

I agree with blogismycopilot. There's ALWAYS a nekkid story!!

Katherine Roberts Aucoin said...

I could never work in a job where there's gross stuff. I mean grosser than snot, vomit, poo, etc., I was forced into that.

I want to hear THE nekkid story too!