Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I See A Bad Moon A Rising

The sun was just setting in the distance but it wasn’t yet dark. It was the time of year where the moon and sun are in the sky at the same time. It isn’t yet dark but it isn’t bright sunshine. There is a bit of a nip in the air but not enough to require a coat. It is full of fresh smells and changing colors. Photographers love this time of the year for the natural golden colors. Trooper Bob also loved this time of year. People were not cabin crazed from being shut in the house for the winter and ready to let loose. He always felt it was a more sedate time of year. He observed people were almost bear-like in their move to winter hibernation.

His shift had begun several hours prior and it was quiet so far. He had made his usual drive through town out past the Dairy Queen and out onto the interstate highway. The sun was behind him as he drove toward his post for the evening. He set his cruising speed at 65 mph even though the posted speed limit was 75. He got into the slow lane and just watched the traffic and turned the police radio up a notch. There wasn’t much chatter going on and he figured he was in for a quiet evening.

He felt it more than he heard it as it went screaming by him. He saw the blur as it sped in front of him. It was one of those brand new Ford Mustangs hitting about a hundred miles per hour. He keyed the mike and said “Dispatch I’ve got a 1965 Ford Mustang traveling at a high rate of speed.” He then put his foot to the floor and that Chrysler roared to life. He switched on his siren (Sigh Reen) and moved into the hammer lane. He pushed the accelerator down a little bit further and watched the needle go from 80 mph to 90 and then climb up over 100 miles per hour. He was a lean mean screaming machine eating up the asphalt and blowing the doors off of everything on the highway to get at the little red pony that had passed him.

He saw the red car growing bigger and knew that he was on it. He closed the distance and noticed the little red sports car pulling over to the side and he began to shut down the lion of an engine. He noticed the driver was in fact a woman or better said a girl. He grabbed his ticket book and his Stetson picked up the mike and told dispatch “I’m 10-60 (meaning he had stopped the vehicle and would be out of the car) on a Red 1965 Pony license number XYZ-123.” He climbed out of the car, put his Ray Ban’s on and set his Stetson on his head. He walked to the back of the car and looked through the back glass. There was a single driver and no other occupants of the car.

The driver window glided down and a pretty little brunette stuck her head out of the window and smiled a big bright smile and said in the sweetest West Texas drawl “Is there a problem officer?” Then she batted her heavily mascara-ed lashes and looked up innocently at Trooper Bob. “Well, young lady,” Trooper Bob replied “you were going about 100 miles per hour back there. That is a mightly dangerous rate of speed.” The Pony Girl again smiled her brightest smile and said in her drawl “Why, I did-int reeelize that this lil ole char would go that fahst. I had No idea!” Trooper Bob wasn’t buying it. He was a pretty good judge of horse flesh and felt this little girl had gotten out of her share of ticket with just this act and so he asked “Just where are you off to in such a hurry?” Pony Girl leaned a little further out the window showing just a bit more cleavage than was visible moments before and said “Why I’m haided back to school. I go to ESS-EMM-YOU and I’ve just got to get baack in time for my study groop.”

Trooper Bob smiled knowing from just this little bit of information she was used to getting stopped and giving just this response. “Well then I’ll write this ticket up real quick and you can get back on your way and arrive on time driving the maximum rate of speed allowed by law.” He then turned and took her license and registration and went back to write up the ticket. He called into dispatch and learned that Pony Girl had several other traffic tickets for exceeding the posted speed on the same stretch of highway. He wrote up the ticket and marked up the fine and walked back to the Mustang. “Well Miss Pony Girl looks like you need to make a court appearance on your tickets or you are gonna have a warrant out for your arrest.” She looked up at Trooper Bob and big old tears started welling up in her eyes and she sniffed and plead “please don’t give me another ticket! My fiancĂ© will have a fit and my daddy will take away my car! Please, I’m beggin you don’t give me a ticket.” Trooper Bob was just about to say something when about that time he heard a buzzing. He looked up to see a motorcycle coming up the highway towards them at a high rate of speed. It was hurling up the highway towards them only something didn’t look right. It got even with Trooper Bob and Pony Girl and then it dawned on him that the driver of the scooter was doing so standing up on the bike with his pants around his ankles. Trooper Bob was being mooned. He turned toward Pony Girl with his jaw slacked open and was about to ask her if she saw what he saw when Pony Girl screamed “Billy Joe, YOU STOP THAT! This isn’t funny!!!” Trooper Bob handed the ticket to Pony Girl and asked “You know that guy?” Pony Girl batted her eyelashes and said “Yes, sir. That’s my feeantsay, Billy Joe. He goes to Ess-Emm-YOU law school.”

Trooper Bob took his signed ticket and tipped his hat to Pony Girl and said “Looks like you got yourself more trouble than a couple of speeding tickets. You got yourself a Bad Mooner A Riding.”

That was the day that Trooper Bob had a double Moon in the daytime.


Katherine Aucoin said...

Only thing I can think of is ROFLMAO! Your stories about your childhood, your life experiences and your parents, etc. are wonderful.

Pony girl sure was engaged to winner - wonder how they ended up.

Cher said...

WHAT A HOOT! You're always a good read, girl!

The Texas Woman

LiLu said...

Oh, Trooper Bob!! You so CRAAAZEEE!

Coffee Bean said...

Oh my gosh... your stories are hilarious!

You might wanna check out the comment I left on April's blog under the Clay post. I mention you!


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Too, too funny.

You're taking me back to the day a CHP clocked me at a 100, winked, and let me keep going.