There are a million stories in the city.
"The story you are about to hear is true; only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.")
The Flathead Beacon:
Police Blotter for the week ending 2-11-09
A sampling of crime briefs from the Kalispell Police and Flathead County Sheriff’s reports…by Julius Macker (comments by Gladys)
12:45 p.m. A drummer was too loud for a neighboring Montana Highway 82 espresso stand.
A little too much caffeine?
1:08 p.m. Two 19 year old females were caught stealing shampoo, conditioner, stationary and notebooks.
Well at least they were stealing items to keep clean. I mean it’s not like they were stealing wine coolers and pregnancy test.
4:59 p.m. A man’s ex won’t leave him alone. She has been calling him since the couple broke up- four years ago.
Can you say “Fatal Attraction”? Mr. You might want to keep your bunny in a safe place, I’m just sayin.
9:00 a.m. Someone wanted a deputy to look at a letter they had received.
Remember in the Michael J. Fox movie “Doc Hollywood” when the couple come to see him not for medical reasons but because neither one of them can read? Yeah and the letter was about Ellen and the Pakistani? I picture something like that going on here.
10:42 a.m. A woman repeatedly tried to reach a man on Dorothy Road, but he was sleeping.
For the love of Gravy!
1:40 p.m. Someone broke their ankle at a barbecue joint.
Wow someone gets aggressive eating ribs.
11:14 a.m. An office building on Main Street in Kalispell smelled like gas.
Someone must have had beans with their BBQ!
Monday 2/09/2009 (Looks like crime took Sunday off)
1:18 a.m. The Alcohol enforcement team went to a party on Three Mile Drive. They weren’t invited, but ended up taking someone with an outstanding warrant with them.
First of all how cool is that? There is a team out there that enforces alcohol consumption. Do they watch you drink and tell you which alcohol to drink and how fast?
Second they crashed the party?
Third, hey everyone knows no one parties like someone with an outstanding warrant so I would have taken him with me too.
4:23 a.m. There was a party at a lodge on Big Mountain Road. Authorities couldn’t find it.
Of course they couldn’t find it. They were at the party on Three Mile Drive.
11:15 a.m. One juvenile female stole two wine coolers. Her friend stole two boxes of pregnancy tests and a box of condoms.
I spoke too soon on Tuesday. See this makes perfect sense to me. Wine coolers, pregnancy test and condoms. I’m a juvie, I’m going to get drunk on a wine cooler and have protected sex but make sure I didn’t get pregnant. Yeup sounds like those two are thinking right.
3:55 p.m. A transient, who goes by the name of “DJ Number Five,” was asked to leave the parking lot of an evergreen retailer. He did so on his bicycle.
Wait what happened to DJ one through 4?
5:30 p.m. A man was seen vomiting in the parking lot of a Bigfork grocery store located next to a bar, was gone when authorities arrived.
Um the fact that he was next to a bar gives us a little clue as to why he was vomiting.
6:17 p.m. A man, who had been drinking locked himself in the bathroom of an Evergreen laundry mat.
Ok, either DJ Number Five has found a place to bed down for the night or I have found the vomiting man.
9:36 p.m. A man, who looked to be in his 50s, was hanging around Blacktail road. His bike was broken.
Wow DJ Number Five sure gets around.