Friday, February 20, 2009

Overhauling Overalls

Nurse Meme sat at the nurse’s station looking down the hall at the row of rooms that housed the elderly and infirm. She recognized some of the residents from various trips to the hospital where she was the nurse administrator others she recognized as once active members of the community. You see this wasn’t Nurse Meme’s usual tour of duty. She was doing a favor for a friend and taking the weekend Director of Nursing spot at the retirement home which was not so much a retirement home as much as it was just an old time nursing home. The ravages of time had taken most of these lovely souls into a new dimension of life. One they did not ask for nor did they anticipate.

She joked with the staff and passed on tidbits of good tidings to the residents as she checked charts and dispensed medications. Then she looked up to see Mrs. Glemson coming up the hall. Mrs. Glemson was in the early stages of dementia. She would have perfectly lucid days and then she would have days when she was an enigma. While Mrs. Glemson’s dementia was all too real Nurse Meme sometimes wondered if she slipped off into her own world to get away from Mr. Glemson. You see it was Nurse Meme’s observation that Mr. Glemson had brow beaten his wife their whole married life. It looked like today was enigma day. Mrs. Glemson approached the desk and made her greetings “hello Daisy” she said to Meme. “Mrs. Glemson you look cute in your overalls. My name is Meme not Daisy. What can I do for you?” replied Meme. “Well darling, “Mrs. Glemson rushed on saying “I’m a right bit hungry. I’ve been out plowing all morning and I could use some flapjacks and eggs. You gonna get me some coffee or am I gonna have to rustle it up myself?” Meme smile and looked at the other nurses and said “I’ve got her. I’ll be back.” Then she turned to Mrs. Glemson and said “Why don’t you let me buy you a cup of coffee and let’s see what they have for breakfast in the cafeteria.”

Nurse Meme came around the desk and took Mrs. Glemson by the hand and then stopped. She got closer to Mrs. Gleason and did the move that millions of mommies of babies do everyday. She took a big whiff and then pulled Mrs. Gleason overalls out a little. “Oh, Mrs. Glemson! I think we may need to go change your clothes. I think you’ve had an accident.” Mrs. Glemson looked through her 2 inch thick glasses blinked her eyes and then said “Wail, what you expect? I’ve been plowing behind Ole Betsy all morning, I’m sure I stepped in horse shit somewhere.” Nurse Meme patted her on the back and said “Well you stepped in something” as she walked her to her room to change her clothes. Nurse Meme and Billie, the aide, helped Mrs. Glemson get cleaned up and put on fresh clothes, then Billie escorted her to the cafeteria to as Mrs. Glemson put it tie on the old feed bag. Nurse Meme went back to the desk to take care of some more paperwork.

An hour or so had passed when Nurse Meme looked up to see Mr. Glemson standing at the nurse’s station. Mr. Glemson was the type of man that not only brow beat his own wife but felt all women inferior to his manly manliness. He was in short a bully. Nurse Meme smiled and asked “Good day Mr. Glemson. What can I do for you?” Mr. Glemson snorted and snarled “Nuthin good about it! I want something to eat. I ain’t ate yet and I’m hungry. Go fix me something.” Nurse Meme called over to Billie and she came to help Mr. Glemson to the cafeteria. Nurse Meme came around the desk in an effort to guide him towards the dinning hall. Billie looked at Meme and they both looked at Mr. Glemson. “Mr. Glemson, did you have an accident?” He moved away from the women and in pure indignation spat out “NO. I HAVE NOT!” Billie moved close to Mr. Glemson and said “Mr. G you smell as if you have had a B.M. Let’s go get you cleaned up.” Mr. Glemson struck out at Billie and said “you stay away from me. I ain’t done no such a thing.” Then he started sniffing his clothes. Billie looked at Nurse Meme and then back at Mr. Glemson and said “Mr. G where did you get those overalls?”
Mr. Glemson hitched up his pants and said “They were in the basket by the door. Theys mine I didn’t steal them if that’s what you’re implying.” Nurse Meme stifled a giggle and said “Mr. Glemson, your wife had those on earlier. She had a b.m. in them and we put them in the dirty clothes basket.” Mr. Glemson's face turned red and then purple and the two nurses thought that he was about to have an apoplexy right there in the foyer. Then he stomped down the hall screaming “That OLD BITCH SHIT IN MY OVERALLS AGAIN.” Nurse Meme followed him fearing what he might do to his wife. She glanced in the dinning hall to see Mrs. Glemson sitting sipping her coffee and stifling her giggles. That’s when Nurse Meme had to question just how much she was actually suffering from dementia and how much she was just getting even.


Katherine Aucoin said...

My vote is she was getting even and I hope she kept it up until one of them passed away!

Cher said...

You told me you had more stories than you could shake a shit at...a...I mean stick at and I see you were tellin' the truth! I was laughing hard enough to have an accident in my own pants!

The Texas Woman

Queenie said...

why oh why didn't I think to shit in Farmer Dan's overalls???? I might have gotten rid of him sooner...

VE said...

She knew exactly what she was doing. It's common knowledge among men that women will shit on them at every opportunity! ;)

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Go, Mrs G! P.U.!

Anna Lefler said...

Oh, this is awesome - woot!

BTW, thanks for your sweet comment on Beth Kephart's blog today and for visiting to read the interview. That means a lot to me.

Have a great weekend!

:^) Anna

Anonymous said...

Dear Gladys,

Your commentors little photos are almost as good as your blog. Hey! You are my comment of the week this week. Well, really, Kahuna is. But your TELLING of it is what made it so funny.