Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Waterboarding Buck's Way


I have said this before but for those of you who haven’t read every single one of my stories I am telling you again. First let me ask you why you haven't read my stories? Do you think I write just to hear myself talk? Well do you? Oh wait, don't answer that. Ok so I was found under a rock. I am the youngest of three kids. My eldest sibling, Buck, is my brother. Let me give you some background on Buck. First of all he was according to my mother a perfect baby and child. He was well mannered, polite and an obedient son. Well up until he had siblings. When my sister came along Buck found a personality trait in the recesses of his id. The dreaded aggravator gene. Yes folks Buck was blessed with more than his share of the aggravation gene.


One of Bucks favorite torture techniques was something I believe the CIA actually took and used in Gitmo. It is called the Buck Spit Technique. Buck would first chase me down and grab a squiggly squirming six year old Gladys. He would capture her by her waist which in all honesty wasn’t that difficult because she was only 45 pounds of skin and bones and frizzy hair. He would pretend he was a professional wrestler and body slam Gladys onto the couch or into a pile of pillows. Matilda would act as referee as Buck would then sit straddle of Gladys tickling the air above her body. You see Gladys was one of those rare children whom you did not have to touch to tickle. She was so ethereal and sensitive you could just tickle her aura and she would be driven into hysteria. Okay maybe not her aura but you could just pretend to tickle her and wet pants were sure to follow.


Oh but the torment did not end there. No in fact this is where Buck would drive little Gladys completely over the edge. Here is where the original waterboarding was invented. He would hover above hysterical Gladys’ racking heaving body gasping for air. He would lean within 10 inches from her face and let a string of spit hang from his bottom lip. He would let it drop until it was mere millimeters from Gladys’ face. It would hover above the bull’s eye between her eyes. Gladys would scream, she would pinch and try and bite her tormentor but it was to no avail. You see the deal was if she moved Buck would free that spittle and it would drop onto its awaiting target. If Gladys stayed still and told Buck what he wanted to know he would suck it back up into his mouth. It was Matilda’s job to monitor how much torture Buck expended before she stepped in and would in turn take Buck down in a pile driver. This usually occurred just before Gladys spilled her guts as to where Matilda’s candy stash was concealed.


I know that many of you have siblings with an over abundance of this gene. I know many of you went through the same sibling torment that I have endured. How do I know this? Just read the report on Waterboarding. Somewhere there are siblings to these CIA agents saying “Thank God they found terrorist on which to practice their techniques”.

11 comments:

Beth said...

My siblings and I used to do that spitting torture to one another - nice to know others had as great a childhood as we did!

Queenie said...

Oh my sister in torture: my brother tied me to the tree in the front yard, in my pajamas, and left me there all day. I peed my pj bottoms. Once I was released - why my parents finally came home from a wedding - I got back at him by smacking him on the head with a metal pot holder loom. Why are we so worried about the cartoons the children today see? We were the problem back then!

Dawn on MDI said...

wow. The things I missed being an only child. Holy cow.

Cher said...

Dang, my sister only locked my out of the house in the snow barefooted. Much better than waterboarding! YUCK!

The Texas Woman

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Apparently my daughter doesn't have it as bad as she thinks she does!

croneandbearit said...

This reminds me why I always hated my older brother. When I went to bed he would stack up all his books right in front of my door so when I got up to pee I would fall flat on my face in a pile of books. I still hate him for it. Torture thy name is Bobby. He also hung my G.I. Joe and I'll never forgive him for that.

Coffee Bean said...

My Dear Dear Friend...

You and I have a most profound connection... We are members of the brother named Buck club.

http://righteousbuzz.blogspot.com/2008/04/my-brother-buck.html

http://righteousbuzz.blogspot.com/2008/04/revenge.html

Anonymous said...

Cruel yes. But it usually worked!
Love, Buck.

Katherine Aucoin said...

Honey, I feel for you. I am the only girl sandwiched between two brothers. Besides trying to get over all my middle child issues, I got the crap beat out of me and was tormented almost daily.

Toad said...

I had high school teachers who would do that. I still have nightmares.

Mrs4444 said...

I remember it well, unfortunately...I had four older brothers, each 18 months apart.